When your hocd hits really hard today and you can’t tell what’s real or fake :)

Sure :)

@Alexi_12! So I’m struggling with hocd too! do you ever get those times when you are out in public and see a girl and get a lot of anxiety and your mind tells you that you like them? I get that so much and it really worries me it’s actually attraction and I’m denying when in reality it causes me a lot of stress!!

@alexa Yes!!! This happened to me when I was getting products to dye my hair . The worker was really nice and she was pretty and my brain tried telling me I was attracted to her and I was super stressed and scared . But it’s okay! Even as hard as it is you just have to think positive because in the end it works out ! ( I hope that’s not reassuring ) If you don’t try and stay positive you can end up in a really dark place and for me those were always super hard to get out of , so as much as it scares you or worries you you just have to remember that this isn’t real ( even if it feels real) it’s just a trick from your brain to get you to react !

@Alexi_12! Thank you so much!! It’s nice to know I’m not alone!! That’s the main thing that I stress about! It’s comforting to know I’m not the only one who experiences this, it feels so real. my mind goes “you wouldn’t be getting anxiety if it doesn’t mean anything” and that is what scary!! Like honestly I’m really starting to be convinced, I have only ever admired other girls for their beauty or wanted a feature of theirs, I have never wanted to be with them in that way though, it’s so strange!! but I’ll just let my mind do it’s thing and not react it’s the only thing I can do!! compulsions will not solve it!! have you done erp? I want to try but I’m scared of the outcome :(

@alexa Yes exactly !!! Erp works in different ways for people but for me it unfortunately did not work , I am a very active “ dreamer “ my mind is always running on the future or possibilities so when I did erp even little bits of it , it sent me into places I have never ever been before . But don’t be scared ! My experience is completely different from others , that’s why I just tell my hocd what it is without fighting it . It’s really hard but in the end it will always get worse before it gets better ! Like yesterday I was so good! I started getting my feelings and attractions back until my friend accidentally set me off which sent me into today ....confused wondering what if it was my new reality . But We can’t look at it that way . Cause no matter what you settle for it’ll always come back , and it’s not you...it’ll make you feel like a stranger so positivity is key!

@Alexi_12! Thank you!! Yes I have been trying to stay as positive as possible lately!! I find my ocd thoughts in my dreams a lot!! It’s always stuff about me dating a guy and not being able to feel anything for him(a fear of mine is not being able to feel anything for guys anymore) or other fears along the lines of hocd. I feel like I might start erp maybe for like a week and see if it benefits me if not I might try something else!! My ocd just loves to bring up past instances and say I was attracted to people...it’s the worst!! But like whenever I get these anxiety feelings from people I get so overwhelmed I have like a small feeling of throwing up which I’m pretty sure when you are attracted to someone you don’t feel that way haha!! it’s crazy how real ocd can feel!!

@alexa Yes me exactly !!!! I’ve lost sleep over it because I wake up dreaming of me being with a girl and it gives me so much anxiety , I get afraid of how I could be accepting being this person I’m not but that’s a backdoor spike and if I believe it then I’m only making it worse . I try thinking of things like @ well if I was then I would like them or I would want to or I would know “ but I feel like it’s a compulsion. But still I may have groinals and think they’re pretty but it doesn’t mean I want them :( hocd is so tough but with time and effort this should go back to a balanced place . Because at the end of the day , we are still straight , we do still have those attractions and everything we felt before ....we are just in a clouded headspace and with time those things we love most will come back

@Alexi_12! Also every time I close my eyes mental images of women’s bodies pop up and it’s so annoying :(

@Alexi_12! yes!! One day we all will beat this we have to try to stay positive no matter how hard it is!! I have been doing much better at just trying to accept the thoughts and move on the last few days but now my ocd is taking another approach which is why I think I have a back door spike atm. Like I’m still havjng the anxiety for random people in public but my mind is also trying to convince me it’s what I really want and that I am accepting it now... like I was with one of my friends and I got an intrusive thought saying I wanted to kiss them and obviously I don’t want to because I don’t think of her like that but I didn’t get anxiety about it or feel disgusted which makes me worry but I know I would never do it. It’s just ocd trying another approach for me to worry about this! I think what hits me hardest of all is just I miss my feelings and crushes on guys. How happy I would get to see my crush smile at me. My ocd makes me worry I will never feel that again or worry what I felt was not real. But I would not miss it so much if it wasn’t!!

@alexa Exactly !!!! It’s like a constant back and forth and it feels never ending . I’m always wondering if my life is denial or I was always secretly into girls . But I love men . Even if I have no feelings or emotion towards them right now I love them and want men . I love them so much . And you know females are amazing ! But I don’t want to be with one , I envy their features or how they look or their lifestyle but I don’t want to be with them . But it’s all just a jumbled ball that isn’t real . Sitting there spitting out junk that isn’t true

@Alexi_12! For real!!! I literally am sooo jealous of my friends who can so easily have feelings and develop crushes for guys, for me it’s so difficult, I’m always worrying, what if this what if that!! I did gain a couple crushes on guys while having hocd, but it took sooo long to actually have feelings for them, and even when I did there was always that thought saying I’m forcing it or I’m trying to cover up for being gay. I think girls are beautiful!! I just don’t want to be with one!! I cant even compliment a girl without worrying if I want to be with them/have feelings for them or something hahaha!! I always pictured dating a guy, marrying one, going on dates with one since I was little.i just want to be able to fall in love with one!! I relate to you so much it’s crazy hahaha!!

@alexa Yes me exactly !!!! My friends are always saying guys are cute and I want to feel the same way ( not to fit in but I literally was always the one to bring up how attractive a guy was ) but when they did I feel/felt numb like nothing was there . I talked to a guy for a bit and caught feelings but then he dipped . I always imagined those too! I still do but it’s clouded and I feel like I’ve lost touch . But this for sure has happened to me before ! So if I got through it then , I sure as hell can get through it now ! It’s so great knowing there’s other people who feel the same !

@Alexi_12! You got this!! Ocd can’t stop you from living your life even though it really tries!! Same, like of course I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone to go through what we are but it’s really nice to know I’m not alone in this :) i just hate when ocd brings up past events and tries to spin them like I felt something for people, or when it tries to make me feel like do!! Like why does my brain have to make it FEEL so real!! It’s really confusing to me!! it for sure does feel convincing but we just have to remember if we did want/like the thoughts we would not be analyzing things 24/7 and going through great lengths to prove them wrong!! If you ever need to talk I’m here, I feel like we are for real going through the same stuff and it’s nice to talk to someone who understands it!!!

@alexa Exactly !!!! It’s always gonna try and do the opposite of what you love !!! Just gotta keep on keepin on and staying positive ! Same goes to you!!! It’s so nice to have someone to talk to who knows exactly what you’re going through . We got this !:)