I keep stalking my ex best friends’ Instagram and life and it’s making me worse. We were best friends since we were 11 (I’m 27 now) and after college we started traveling together. She would get jealous and say “oh look at you you’re gonna get guys attention again 🙄” one night 3 years ago in London she basically left me black out drunk by myself and let’s just say I woke up somewhere I didn’t wanna be and got traumatized. She didn’t even care and I blocked her after that. Now she’s better than ever, lost weight, kept traveling with the same tour group, made lots of friends, and I lost friends, gained weight, mental health horrible. I’m angry after what she did to me. Other friends gravitated towards her and stopped hanging out with me. I know I’m an adult but it just really hurts. Then when I see her social media I feel like crap about myself. My OCD checking habits make this worse.

Yeah. Just the timing of everything it just seems like I was the problem holding her back from flourishing. I don’t think of myself as anything special or better than anyone else but I had a confidence and would get more attention than her. It’s like to her I outshined her and once she got rid of me it’s now her time to shine. Then she met a new best friend and will post things saying “you are the true definition of a best friend”. It makes me angry because she was passive aggressive with me and left me at my lowest. Yes maybe she was fed up I was black out drunk but I got sexually assaulted that night and woke up in a house in the suburbs. If my friend was belligerent drunk I’d do anything to take them back home and not leave them alone. Is it bad that I wish bad things on her? Like I don’t like seeing her happy after everything.

@Anxiousgirl What she did definitely does not sound okay. That has to be festering in her. I like to think that there is some law of compensation and that things really are fair in the end. I might just be in fairytale-land, though. I think being angry and vindictive is normal, but I like to challenge those thoughts with thinking that it is unfortunate that she could succumb to abandoning someone she loved (in a sense). If you feel like it is too difficult to distance yourself from her and these thoughts, then really trying to not look her up would be best. It is tough, I know.

@ashco I moved away to Dubai for a year and then moved back home to New York. I kept busy for years but I recently hit a rock bottom and don’t talk to many people these days. I reached out to her twice after I returned last year and no answer. I tried to hang out with our mutual friend and she would tell me “I’m too busy and have no money”, yet id see on her Instagram story she’s going out and even traveling with my ex best friend. I did nothing to this girl. It really hurts. AND her birthday is the day after mine. So my birthday is not even a nice time anymore. I just want to start a new life somewhere else.

@Anxiousgirl It might be a good idea to change then, but I am always careful about that feeling because “wherever you go, there you are.” I think that maybe joining a virtual class or trying your best to make new friends might be a better start. When I started dating again and was SO discouraged by all of the disappointment, I always reminded myself that it only takes one guy/one friend that is good to be a great thing.