I'm so sorry for reaching out but I need help... I just need a calming voice... I'm so sorry... I'm always asking for help... I keep thinking that I somehow m-Lested a kid 3 years ago... Idk what to do... I'm afraid I did something wrong because this is when my pocd thoughts started. They began as "are you attracted to this girl??" and it was during that day. I can't stop ruminating and ruminating and this has been going for 10 months or so. It's been hell. It started as groping, now it fully developed to "touching down there" She loved me! I have text messages from her older sister (my friend) that she told me that she had loved me. She was 8-9 at the time. I don't remember ever making her feel uncomfortable. But I'm afraid I did something wrong and she didn't notice or that she forgot about it. I never touched someone inappropriately, never! That I am sure. I'm so afraid of everything. I don't know if I'm a "p" or not because I don't understand my own sexuality due to unsolved childhood problems. My head is a mess, my life is a mess. I'm so afraid of getting help too... I'm so afraid of everything... I also remember feeling guilty that day but it could be because I had those thoughts and that I played with her in the pool (I gave her a piggyback ride) I don't remember every second of it and I have unclear images in my head that she sat on my lap and touched her inappropriately. I hate myself so much... I hate my life.

Ben84

Date posted: 4y

If getting help is available and you have the means, I strongly encourage you to get it.

myocdstory

Date posted: 4y

No... I don't have any help available right now

Ben84

Date posted: 4y

@myocdstory Can you use Instagram?

myocdstory

Date posted: 4y

@Ben84 Yes.

Ben84

Date posted: 4y

@myocdstory Check out @windsor.flynn. Her latest lost has suggestions for people who can't access therapy.

myocdstory

Date posted: 4y

@Ben84 Thank you.

Daisy102

Date posted: 4y

Love you girl. Look at that I hope it helps💛💛💛💛

myocdstory

Date posted: 4y

I love you too. And yes! I did things normally. I ate, I get out of bed. No one suspected I was suffering but after dinner (around 9 pm) my symptoms got a lot worse and now I'm crying... But I've told my mom about it and luckily I will try online therapy.

Daisy102

Date posted: 4y

@myocdstory YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! Ive been praying for you!!! Im so so happy that you're starting therapy!! Way to tell your mom. That is really hard and I am so proud of you. Today you could have stayed in bed all day anf cried. But even though you felt terrible drastic, you *got up*, you did stuff, and YOU EVEN opened up to your mom and asked for help that you need! I am so so proud of you girl!!! Way to go. Want you to know YOU SLAYED IT TODAY. You inspire me💪💪💪

Daisy102

Date posted: 4y

@Daisy102 I'm sorry today was hard... But look at how you handled it. You did something so important and you can do online therapy. You should be SO GENUINELY proud of yourself. Give yourself a round of applause💛 👏

myocdstory

Date posted: 4y

@Daisy102 Thank you so much, S-. You are so kind to me and I always cheer up seeing messages from you. Thank you, really... I'm really happy for telling my mom... I wasn't looking foward to have that conversation since she is against therapy and she guilt tripped me... (sighs) but I'm looking foward to it! ^^ hopefully, I'll get better.

Daisy102

Date posted: 4y

Hey! I told you I would ask you at the end of the day to tell me one good thing you did today. So? Remember... Small is great. Did you eat? Did you get out of bed? Did you drink some water? Did you text a friend? ....?

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

I wanted to say you don’t need to apologize for reaching out to us. That’s what we’re here for. 😊 Sounds like false memory ocd. What ERP stratagies can you use to handle this? Also when stress from doing erp gets too high I often try other self care strategies as well, like doing something I enjoy.

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