- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
Hi! Any idea what you would tell someone else in your situation? Like, can you imagine for a minute your bestie came to you with the same thoughts, do you know what you would say/ask her?
- Date posted
- 5y
Hey there, another sufferer of harm/responsibility OCD here. I can share with you what’s helped me, and hope that it’s able to help you, too. (First: meds.) Even more than “an intolerance for uncertainty,” it’s useful for me to concieve of OCD as “an exaggerated sense of responsibility” (whether that’s responsibility as in “duty” or as in “fault/guilt”). It’s okay to wish that you’d had a different influence. But imo, that’s separate from a moral responsibility. In the situation you describe, you wouldn’t have been the decision-maker, or the facilitator, or even a coercive force. You were just someone who had an opinion and shared it. The presence of a mountain does not determine whether someone will climb it, and the precense of an opinion does not determine if someone will take it to heart. I think you know this, but you’re so full of the desire to be a good influence, to protect unborn life, and also so full of the anxiety and pressure to “DO SOMETHING!” that OCD gives you, that your wish to do good has morphed into a feeling that you *ought* to lash out at yourself for your past opinions. This is where both ERP and compassion meditation might help you. ERP to help you disempower the guilty sensation—which are coming at you right now regardless of if they’re justified or not*—and compassion meditation to soften your heart towards yourself, and to turn your mind away from the idea of justice-as-retributive and towards justice-as-constructive. *Feelings are always real, but they are not always very reliable. Bad feelings can signal to us that something is wrong, but that’s not always true, or at least it’s not what we thought. And there are people who commit heinous acts but never lose a wink’s sleep over them. It’s important to listen your feelings, but the key is to learn how to use them to support your values, and also to learn how to not be overcome by them.
- Date posted
- 5y
This is one of the best descriptions of ERP and OCD related feelings!
- Date posted
- 5y
I feel you. I have always been pro-choice, despite the fact that I always thought abortion was "wrong." My philosophy was, "its in their conscience what they want to do, if it is illegal, people will do it anyways if they want to." After my first born, I decided I wasn't going to have more children due to my own PTSD and depression. After my separation with his dad, I dated someone else. Because Im adamant I won't have more children, I changed my tune a bit. I have stated that if I were to get pregnant from this new guy or anyone else, that I would consider abortion. Ironically, the guilt didn't set in until after that guy and I broke up, and I haven't dated anyone since. Now my ocd has begun to target my son and it has been horrible. I feel you girl
- Date posted
- 5y
Ahh, I’m gonna try to answer this without reassuring your OCD and also without turning this into any sort of debate. (Your paranthetical note reminded me this is not a debate forum but a place for OCD sufferers to support each other.) It’s not “pro life” and “anti life” or “pro fetal death”. I tried to find the quote by Jon Stewart, but no one wants to get an abortion. I’m having a hard time with trying not to step over the line to reassurance, (maybe I already have 🤷🏼♀️), so I’m gonna stop this comment there and send you peace.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 19w
I have this same situation replaying in my head. It has to do with porn so if your young just know this may be a little graphic. I tend to use Twitter for porn and the reason I do this is it’s a lot more direct I can type in what I want to see and it’s there I don’t have to go through unknown websites and hope not to get viruses, and to be a little more specific more amateur/ real sexual experiences come up on Twitter rather than porn pages with staged written scenes. So in my use of Twitter for this there’s been times when questionable material/ illegal material has come up and never did I save it knowing it was 100% illegal or even interact with it if I knew it was 100% illegal. I was 18 or 19 at the time of this and I started to fear that in these moments I would look at these illegal videos/ sketchy videos to long when they would pop up like for example I remember seeing a video that was 100% illegal content and I was so shocked and like confused that I looked at it for a moment and then left and then I went back to look at it again just to confirm that I was seeing what I thought I was seeing I also remember seeing videos that were in a 18+ section but sometimes the girls in the videos looked like they could be 15-17. As we all know 18 year olds can look anywhere from 15-17 or even younger these days so I would be cautious and use my context clues and what I knew when watching videos that I was suspicious about but had no proof of them being illegal aside from my thoughts and the person looking young. So with this and me worrying I got super scared and hyper aware of what I was watching and now I remember me going back on Twitter to look at content that I was intending to be 18+ but all I would think about is what if something illegal would come up what if I see it and I look for to long or what if I feel attracted and I like it. And I just remember going back to Twitter to look at legal porn but it felt like I was there so that something illegal could come up to see how I’d naturally react to it. Never did I go and type in key words or type in anything illegal in fact I remember times I would strictly put 18+ next to whatever I was searching so I could be sure everything was legal but sometimes it would feel like my hope and intention was that I would see something illegal so that I could feel that anxiety rush or just to see how I would react naturally to seeing it and I feel like this would count as me intentionally looking for it so now I feel disgusting and like I committed a crime. Sometimes I just feel like I was only looking at porn because I wanted to feel that anxiety of what if something bad comes up and how would I react. I know deep down I didn’t want to see illegal content and that I was probably just feeling that I wanted to check how id feel if it did come up but now I feel like I was intentionally looking and that my whole objective was for something questionable to come up so I can see how I react. Is this ocd or did I just make a horrible decision?
- Date posted
- 18w
When is a mistake too big to forgive. I looked at content that I really shouldn’t have (🌽)but I didn’t understand it was wrong at that time and with no parents supervision online . It happened in my teen like 14/15 and I’m so guilty. What makes it worse is that a small artist did something really similar and got cancelled and called disgusting . It is disgusting but I truly didn’t know how disgusting it is and if did I would’ve never done it . And it was worth cancelling her . But I did too so .
- Date posted
- 17w
This might be a bit disturbing but it’s been weighing on my mind. From all the posts I’ve made, I’ve talked about how I was influenced at a young age and saw things I shouldn’t have seen. A lot of it. I can’t remember much because it’s blurry and all muddy and in different timelines. Sometimes I genuinely don’t understand why I would do such a thing or how I could and I would constantly overanalyse things from the past. These things lead me to do things to myself out of trying to understand and curiosity and mimicking actions like kissing others in preschool. I made stupid mistakes I can’t take back and it weighs on me a lot. I don’t and can’t remember so much honestly but when I was at the age of 8, I inappropriately touched someone and it wasn’t out of harm but to understand why. What I did was wrong and the whole context of the situation is messed up but I knew to a certain degree it was wrong ( I spoke to this to my therapist who was very understanding and told me these things happen a lot when kids are young ) I remember at the time I felt guilt and realised I wanted to be a good person. I thought I was dammed for what I did and there was no coming back for me but I remember apologising to them and never doing it again. I had to keep this with me for so many years and it broke me a lot. I matured and realised my actions, spent time crying, thinking that maybe I shouldn’t be here, and was filled with a lot of shame and guilt with nobody to be there or know about this. I didn’t tell anyone because I was scared. I was scared to also be badly punished but eventually as time passed, the person passed away and nobody knew about the story. This year I began opening up and for the first time I opened up to people about this because I wasn’t doing good mentally and spent days—months ruminating, panicking, and thinking I was a monster for everything. I never thought I would but it was with people I trust who loved and accepted me. I told them the situation and how I felt. I told my therapist briefly and she told me we could continue this convo the next time and that I didn’t have to tell her everything but… It didn’t make sense to me. I felt like I needed to confess everything or else I was a fraud. I do definitely care about their justice ( justice overall ) for what happened to them regardless of them not being here and I’m beyond sorry that something like this happened to them because of my stupidity when I was younger. I try my best to be understanding and compassionate to myself but sometimes it’s all filled with hatred and shame and guilt but I’m trying. People say confessing makes things worst. I feel like this is something that needs to be confessed but Ive already admitted my actions, regrets and told others about this but yet it’s still there . I’m not an angel but I do know, these stupid past mistakes have made me more empathetic to people and not wanting things like this to happen to anyone. As I’ve grown I’ve realised how these things can distort your view of reality at a young age because now as I’m older, I understand so much more than my younger self would. Sometimes I don’t know what to say. I don’t know why I did certain things and people at my age were probably more matured and smarter than me. A lot of things happen in different timelines but I’ve matured so much and I understand my mistakes and the impact. I feel safe to talk about this to my therapist or here but to my family and others.. I don’t know what to say. I’ve made so many stupid mistakes and feel like I need to confess everything. I didn’t want to ever talk about this to anyone because I didn’t want to make things worst for people. This happened so many years back and I just didn’t want to bring the past into the present. I know that I have no right to really suggest this because that person was a victim. I don’t know what I should do. Confess? Or let it be in the past? I mean my therapist and close friends know about this.
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