- Username
- cwllms
- Date posted
- 4y ago
It’s a rough trigger don’t be too hard with yourself you’re slowly exposing and learning to handle your harm OCD. Self compassion :$)
It may also be worth considering whether part of the issue is the way he's talking about suicide. Like race, religion, politics, gender, etc, suicide is a really sensitive topic. Many people (unintentionally) discuss it in ways that are disrespectful and damaging. For suicide, this might sound like: -"Just shoot me" when someone's frustrated -"people who attempt suicides are cowards, they take the easy way out" -"suicide is so selfish" -"natural selection at work, eh" These kinds of comments elicit strong emotions. If your dad is saying these kind of things, a healthy response from you may include pointing out that he is being offensive and educating him (if you think that could be effective) or setting boundaries about not discussing suicide with him (you'd need to clearly state that you don't want to discuss suicide with him and then leave conversations if he brings it up)
My sister has a habit of talking about extremely triggering things around me. It's not something to avoid but it still upsets me a lot, she does it when I'm stuck in a car with her, or loudly outside my bedroom door. She's talking about those things because they're relevant to her own life, they're not aimed at me, but we have had some very similar experiences and I developed PTSD whereas she didn't, which she knows. She also talks a LOT in general (she has anxiety) and is young, I wish she was just more aware of the impact and have these conversations in a way that is more considerate, but I have also found it very difficult to make her aware of how this affects me- I don't want a fight about it.
i completely understand - both my parents seem to manage to trigger me daily - to the point where i had an anxiety response to my mum at one point. i’m sorry she does that x
:)) *
thank you honey x
I’m angry. Irritated. Whatever. I’m in a day program and yesterday they’re freaking out because I was open about my harm ocd. The dr I saw yesterday in the afternoon that wasn’t my actual doctor talked to me and told them it’s just ocd. Today my actual doctor told me to TELL MY FATHER THE THOUGHTS I GET OF STABBING HIM AND MY MOM IN THEIR SLEEP. Because “I don’t think he’d understand if he heard it from me” ME EITHER. Why the HELL would you give meaning to my thought?! Why would you make me tell him?! There’s no purpose, he’s an idiot! He was like “so you get thoughts of murdering us in our sleep” and said “should I be ready”. And then my dumb self mentioned my pocd while trying to explain ocd to him. ?♀️ He’s “trying” to be better then he used to be but he still pisses me off. I miss my best friend, I used to trust her with this stuff. I hate talking about my dad to anyone else.
I broke down crying because my dad mentioned suicide. I mainly struggle with suicidal ocd, have been for about 9 months. Got diagnosed and started therapy in March and I feel like I’m slowly improving, but of course get moments here and there. Not medicating for now. Anyways, today was feeling pretty alright, thoughts more in the backseat, in a good mood, I was excited to go into the pool with my family and catch some sun, celebrate Father’s Day, etc. So my family and I are sitting together by having lunch and my dad is talking about this tooth pain he started having last night. He was saying that it was getting so bad to the point where you would do anything to stop it. My mom joker and said “oh I should hit you on the leg or something to distract you from the pain” and my dad said “I meant more like a bullet to the brain”.... That stopped me dead in my tracks and I felt panic and an emotional reaction coming up. I tried to ignore it but I couldn’t so I politely excused myself to the bathroom. My parents knew what happened (they’re aware of my theme), so I went to the bathroom and burst into tears. After a little I was able to collect myself, breathe, and join them saying to drop it and continue eating. Not gonna lie it shocked me a bit the reaction I had. But I HATED hearing that. It was too much and I wish he never said that.
my mom is so upset with me because i don't want to share my intrusive thoughts. I had talked a little to her but she deduced that the thoughts were about wanting to kill someone or kill me. but it is far beyond that. and she is very sad that i don't want to share, HOW am i going to share if my intrusive thoughts involve rape? and she asked if it was about sexual orientation (she's homophobic) i laughed because it wasn't. in a few minutes this will get worse for me. I don't want to talk to her, I want to talk to some therapist.
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