Please someone talk to me. Hello, i haven’t been diagnosed with ocd because i wasn’t able to consult a therapist. After Countless google searches, i saw articles regarding hocd and rocd. And i think i have it. But what if i don’t? What if i’m in denial and i’m only using my boyfriend to forget my ex and that i’m a lesbian?

i just want to make sure that this is ocd and i’m not in love with my ex :( because it makes me so sad angry and frustrated just thinking about hurting my boyfriend’s feelings. Also, how do i stop past memories and names from repeating in my brain?? It makes me so mad at myself that i have to go through this again even though i’ve already moved on.

@ishie15 I’m not supposed to offer reassurance, but from what I learned from this app and research, any adverse reactions to your thoughts is how you actually feel (guilt of hurting your boyfriend, frustration) So that’s a good distinction between you and your ocd. Unfortunately, to stop past memories you have to let them pass by without reaction. This will take time. This will not happen overnight. In early 2019, when I was undiagnosed, I had an ocd flare up which was when I first realized my ROCD. Without treatment, it took me almost a year to recover. It takes time. The first step is realizing your compulsions. You’re doing a good job by realizing this pattern isn’t right in your normal thinking.

@jljbchs i’m also scared if i’m just in denial or not. :( i just want to go back to normal

@ishie15 If your ruminating on fear and saying “I wish things would go back to normal”, it’s a good chance that this is also a trait of OCD. I would definitely start making moves to see a therapist soon bc if the thoughts are causing you distress, you’re going to need support. I would also bring it up to a doctor if you’ve noticed that it has been a disruption to your daily life. Mine got dehibilitating to the point where I could hardly leave my house or go to work I was having panic attacks of being in denial or wanting to leave my boyfriend. I look back to how I freaked out last year and I think to myself “wow I thought that was the worst point in my life of thoughts, I had no idea this would be the worst it’s ever been.” It’s better to catch it early. As I’ve said I’ve been through almost every theme on this app of OCD since I was a child. The first step of getting help is realizing something isn’t right and you can’t continue this way regardless of the answers you may learn along the way. If you have any other questions, feel free to ask them. I remember before this app or actually researching what it could be, I felt alone.

@jljbchs i can’t afford to see a therapist or a doctor. I feel a little better now than last month where i could not eat, sleep, talk to other people. I feel like every time i try to do something, images and memories about my past relationship comes up. I was always trembling in fear and i tried to break up with my boyfriend but i ended up crying all day. Yeah i went to through a roller coaster of emotions

@ishie15 I get that. There’s ways to figure it out without doctors or therapists. I’ve been trying to find resources outside of therapy. There’s a podcast called the OCD stories and there’s an episode dedicated to ROCD. That helped me a bunch in the beginning

@jljbchs i’ll look for that! Thank you 😊