I need help. My current anxiety right now is contamination OCD, my fear of contaminating others and myself. It all started back in February 2020, where I was shopping at Wal Mart. I was walking past the aisle where all the pesticide/herbicide/Roundup are located. Then when I got home, an intrusive thought popped in my head, telling me that I contaminated my clothes and purchased items by pouring it all over myself and my purchase items. I had since thrown them away. Since then over the next several months l I’ve been doing more research on Roundup/glyphosate and its dangers. I then became more anxious over the items I possibly contaminated when my intrusive thoughts told me that I contaminated my belongings, and began throwing them away. I have already thrown away hundreds of dollars worth of books and novels by donating them to a local books store, justifying that I can always repurchase an e book version of them. I also repurchase hundreds dollars of xbox games digitally after my intrusive thoughts told me that the games are contaminated because they made physical contact with the books. Today I was cleaning the carpet with a steam vacuum, and half through the task, I got an intrusive thought telling me that I miss roundup with the water tank, even though there aren’t any in the house. I felt the need to replace my entire carpet in my room. On the same day, I went to Wal mart to buy some new clothes, because the ones that are “contaminated” are sealed in a box getting ready to be donated to a shelter. I was walking down the aisle, to get some clothes hangers, which is across the aisle from the home gardening section which contained all the herbicide/pesticide. Even though I didn’t go to home gardening, I saw the aisle containing the herbicide/pesticide, triggering my anxiety and me into putting the clothes back where they belong. I’m even considering refunding new shoes I bought when I wore it al Wal mart. I’m still distress even when I’m typing this. Long story short, I’m in a rut and I need help. Please.

Erin12

Date posted: 5y

I struggle with contamination ocd too so let me tell you what works for me. It may not work for you but it’s worth a shot. So when I start to get in a rut like you are now I like to do one of two things. The first thing I like to do is try and think about it logically. Did I actually touch the thing or did my intrusive thought just tell me I did. I think think about the fact that since touching that item I’ve showered and cleaned and done other stuff and physically I am fine. Chances are you have showered since febuary which uses your water tank and you are just fine. You have also worn clothes and been okay along with other activities of daily life. If you want to go the more ERP route try accepting the anxiety a little more. Tell yourself okay maybe the roundup got on my clothes/belongings/etc. and that might harm me and then move on. I’ve found this works particularly well with some of the germ contamination I struggle with but I have also used it with other things. I hope this helps some

HellofaJR

Date posted: 5y

I Appreciate the feedback, but trying to reason with it in my head makes my anxiety worse. Secondly, the erp seems a little challenging. I can’t help but think about the long term exposure to roundup exposure.

Erin12

Date posted: 5y

@HellofaJR ERP is very challenging. When I first started it was very difficult but the more I’ve done it the easier it has gotten. It has never really been “easy” to do but it has helped me tremendously with being able to better control and deal with my ocd. It may not work for you, different things work for different people. I hope you find what works for you soon

HellofaJR

Date posted: 5y

@Erin12 I always prefer using my camera to capture my every movement. So that way I can review what I did without having the possible intrusive thought.

Erin12

Date posted: 5y

@HellofaJR That’s a good idea! Just don’t let it turn into something compulsively that’s you have to do

HellofaJR

Date posted: 5y

@Erin12 Oh shit. I’ll make sure

emmaann

Date posted: 5y

I hahe contamination ocd too. It is exhausting. I know your pain and struggle. If you would like, we can always chat through insta or iMessage and I can try and help you! Or at least relate to you and help you feel understood.

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond