I want to share my story (so far) So around October 2019 I began to take my Christian Faith more seriously. This took my actions more seriously. I wanted avoid doing things that were sinful. In the beginning it was pretty small stuff like not cussing or disobeying my parents. But at the time I was working at a restaurant which was a good job until I realized my actions there could be sinful. I thought I had to make everything sanitary because I wanted to treat my neighbor how I would like to be treated, but I took it to an extreme. So if coworkers didn’t wash their hands before drying silverware or if they used a “dirty” rag I would freak out and imagine staying all night to clean all the silver ware because it was “what God wanted me to do” as months went on It got progressively worse and I would see people touch there phone and then touch a clean glass I would take the glass and have it re washed. I got to my boiling point because I thought my job was the reason my ocd was bad. So I quit my job and thought things would get better. They didn’t. Looking back now I realize that I was giving in to my OCD and letting It win. So I have been unemployed for a couple months now and at the beginning it was good but now I can barely leave the house because driving is a lot for my brain to take in and I have some religious views on why driving is harmful for me (I know this is not true and crazy) another thing I’ve had struggles with is I’ll be doing something like bouncing a ball on a wall and catching it and I’ll have a thought like “if you don’t catch it than God doesn’t want you to take that trip” basically making vows to God that I didn’t actually make but my ocd put in my head Anyways that’s my main issues with ocd. Yesterday night I was having a really rough time because I went to the restroom and I touched the hand towel and I thought It was now contaminated so I went back to my room and layed down in agony and I reallly wanted it to be over. I watched a video on YouTube on how to treat ocd and it talked about ERP (I think that’s what it’s called) so basically if you think maybe God wouldn’t want you to do something or maybe something will cause you to sin just do it or think about it and say “I don’t know whether that’s sin or not and I can’t know so I’m just gonna not worry about it” so I went into the kitchen and drank from the tap because I had this obsession that my mom didn’t want me to drink from the tap (I don’t think it’s true but I made my self believe it) and I ate fruit that wasn’t washed and I didn’t brush my teeth before bed because all these things were obsessions of mine it felt liberating to say I don’t know. So then I went to bed feeling empowered but I have this feeling because i still don’t want to sin against God and it seemed like ERP kind of makes you sin. So I was curious if anyone who’s a christian or dealt with Scrupulosity could encourage me on my path and tell me how to view ERP because I don’t want to sin while I’m trying to get rid of my OCD or at least get it controlled. Thanks for your time if anyone reads this I really needed to vent I guess.

Hi this is my first time posting on here. I wasn't sure if I should because I want to make sure I'm not seeking reassurance because I heard that makes ocd worse. I don't want to talk about what my ocd problem was, but basically I was really upset about a religious ocd problem that I know isn't true. I'm feeling a lot better about it now, but when it was bad I decided to try and get better on my own. I read about ERP therapy and how you're supposed to make a list of your ocd problems, from least distressing to most. So I wrote them down on two pieces of paper. At first I started with the simple ones, like looking for spiders before leaving the room. I have a tendency to look for spiders before leaving a room but lately I've been trying not to anymore. Then I decided to try and do one of the hard things. It was a religious ocd problem. I decided to start simple, and just write the problem down on a piece of paper. So I went downstairs and got some paper. But then I thought, oh no, my ocd is probably not going to like this. What do I do with the paper once I write it down? If I think what I wrote down is bad and going to upset God and I will go to hell, (even though I know logically it's not), my ocd is probably going to freak out if I throw away the paper. It probably won't calm down unless I erase it. So I just decided to not write it down on a paper, and just type it on my phone instead. So I did, I typed it on my phone. So, even though I didn't write anything down on the paper, now it feels like that peice of paper is bad. I feel like it's connected to the problem I was having, and I was so upset I called my mom crying asking her what to do. Eventually I decided to just put the paper back with the rest of the paper downstairs, but I'm still upset. I feel like I have to throw away all the paper downstairs, the pencil I was going to use to write down the problem, and the eraser I was going to use in case I needed to erase anything. It feels like if I use any of those items I will make God angry and go to hell. I know I shouldn't do this though, so I'm not going to. I don't know what to do with the papers where I wrote down my ocd problems. They are on my desk and I'm too afraid to move them. And if I put them in my desk I'm afraid they will get mixed up with other papers. I guess I can do whatever I want with them. I think I'll put them in a folder or binder and if I make any more ocd papers I can just put them in there.  I'm just really confused on how to move forward. Right now, I'm too afraid to use the papers, pencil, or eraser for anything. I feel like I can't write on them, draw on them, or anything. It's even making me feel like I can't make digital art. It's making me feel like I can't do a lot of things. I guess what I have to do is just do whatever I want to, because I know the ocd isn't true and doesn't make sense.

So about 2 years ago I gave my life to Jesus. I've always been a "Christian" but never truly lived liked one. Honestly never truly felt love for them until 2 years ago. It was the best couple months of my life!!! I felt so happy and loved and unstoppable! I thought this fire for God & Jesus will never burn out. One day I had a thought about is God real? It bothered me so bad and I went into a massive spiral. Doubting everything. My faith. if I was good enough. Am I really saved? Do I have enough faith? Is my doubt real? Is it too much? Have these blasphemous made God not want me anymore? Or Jesus? :( But I knew I was and that they were real! I know I've heard them. Then I started having horrible blasphemous thoughts but then it would go back to doubting thoughts then back to the blasphemous ones. I hated the thoughts and doubts. The thoughts are so mean towards God, Jesus & HS. It’s anywhere from evil thoughts to cussing thoughts to rejection thoughts/denying. Demonic thoughts. Literally anything bad you could think of! Even thoughts of if I really love them or wanna follow them. I learned about OCD from what I've looked up but I've been dealing with this for about 2 years now. It's hard. I doubt if it’s OCD. Definitely feel like I'm trapped or my faith isn't the same. Which makes me sad because I want my faith! I feel like I've gotten lazy and honestly that I don't deserve them or am "too far gone" from them. I feel like idk how to be a Christian or how to have faith or just exist tbh. I wanna love God & Jesus! I want faith! I just feel kinda stuck. Has anyone gone through this or has advice or tips?

(This post discusses Religion/spirituality in regards to Christianity. And thus touches on some Christian themes. But you dont need to be christian to read it/ or even benefit from it. So whatever walk of life your from and if your willing to give it a shot I hope it brings you some comfort too.) Hello soldier, how goes the day? But really OCD can make everyday feel like an uphill battle, and even at the end of the day you don't really feel like you won. Wherever your at in your journey today, know your not alone. I'm here talk about something specific, and if you've read the tags, you can probably take a guess. I have Religious OCD and a lot of other ones that interconnect with it. It wasn't always this way, but it has been the heart of my OCD struggle for the last decade. The battle has waxed and waned for that time but it has been terrible for over a year. Today I have spent trying to connect with God despite my OCD, and all my other issues. (Dont misunderstand me, ocd is a big part of my struggle-and it only to serves to exacerbate my other questions and worries.) Today I've tried to understand that God can handle my dirt and shame. And won't walk away even when I stop believing im not a lost cause.-and hey if you ever struggle to believe that God hasn't given up on you, your not alone. But im here to talk about something I've found in the last while. If your on this website then you know now that OCD is not something your alone with-despite knowing this it can be very hard to believe somebody has the exact same issues as you- and the more shameful it is-the less people want to talk about it. But GOOD NEWS- some of the people on this journey happen to be very brave (maybe you and me aren't feeling very brave right now, but thats okay too.) So I took the time this evening to look up some things about Christians with religious OCD. Because it is one thing entirely to know that OCD affects people from all walks of life. It is another thing to hear your thoughts come from someone else's mouth. So im gonna touch on a couple things I learned/relearned a few minutes ago. 1. Does your OCD make you question your salvation? If so, your not alone-this is something that a lot of people struggle with-and it can feel very scary. 2. Do you struggle to stop your compulsions? I think this is something we all struggle with no matter your OCD subtype. I have often tried to stop my compulsions ot even just delay them for a bit....but the guilt/shame creeps up on me, and i give after a bit because it's like a bird pecking on the inside of my skull-and then I feel increased guilt for trying to delay in the first place-its that little voice that says 'why did you tarry on the way to repentance.' (Yeah that voice is fantastic, it can actively impede your recovery to a stuttering halt if you let it. ) 3. All of our doubts leading back to one question. 'What if it's not just OCD?' Again I think this is something we all struggle with, but it can be especially difficult to deal with when your subtype has less physical evidence to go off of. Here's an example: when I was between the ages 5-10 my ocd centered around getting sick. Due to an incorrect allergy test-it was thought I had a dairy allergy. For almost 5 years I was on a dairy free diet. But, like I said the allergy test was incorrect. Nevertheless reincorporating dairy into my diet was a struggle. But it was less of one because I could active progress. The first time I drank milk was terrifying, but each time after that was easier and easier as I saw nothing happened. As much as I wish I could apply that to this subtype of OCD it's very difficult when there's nothing I can really do to be certain I have not sinned. (And im sure some other subtypes have the same problem) and so the question arises "What if it's not just OCD?" The what ifs will kill you-tonight i read how it's one of OCD favorite and most effective ways to keeping us trapped. (Feel scared and unsure-me too) I wish I could explain it the way I read about it if only to try and help you all understand. But the bottom line is this is another way OCD has disguised itself to make it look like a real threat. In closing (Land sakes alive, this was a long post and im still not sure if I made my point or not) all that doubt and fear your feeling-yeah dont let OCD use that against you anymore than it already has. (For a long time I've kinda looked down on ERP. Even if it worked for others, I didn't think it would work for me because how could this every be less scary with no physical reassurence -or worse what if by getting rid of my fear I tore down the one thing protecting me from actually acting on those thoughts. Tonight I feel hopeful again, if only a little (maybe even hopeful enough to give ERP a try)....and if your as tired, ashamed,sad, and weary as I am. I wanted to try and give you a little hope too. And if your feeling as lost as I was a bit ago try looking up some blogs from someone people who have your subtype-it is strangely effective to hear someone talk about fighting with doubts and recovery when you dont always feel sure it's possible. Good night brave adventurers....I dont know if today had more victories or losses for you but we're still here so it's not over yet.