ll28
- Date posted
- 4y
LunettaLunetta
- Date posted
- 4y
Oof. Sexual Orientation OCD has to be the most confusing to deal with, since lbrh, a lot of actual queer people don’t realize they’re queer for awhile, and struggle with clarifying their identity even afterwards. I can’t speak with authority bc I’ve never suffered from sexual orientation OCD, but I think that in someone who’s in denial about their sexuality, the distress comes from internalized homophobia (“I can’t be gay! Gay people are bad/gross/going to Hell!”) and/or a fear of social reprisal. Whereas in HOCD, the distress comes from the constant questioning of “but what if I’m wrong about who I am??? What if [x occurrence] means that I’m actually a lesbian?” The brain does react to stimuli that it interprets to be sexual, independent of actual conscious pleasure or desire. This is why some people orgasm while being raped, and why sufferers of various sexual OCDs feel the dreaded groinal response. I don’t know what you were thinking or feeling about the women you looked at as a young’un, but it’s perfectly plausible that you were aroused by the sexual nature of the images rather than by the idea of potentially having sex with any of the women, and that isn’t a mark against your heterosexuality. I fantasize about Captain America and the Winter Soldier getting it on, but I have 0 interest in having sex with men. Alternatively, if you DO desire to have sex with women, that doesn’t take away from your desire for men. You could be a Kinsey 2. (We as a society should never have let the Kinsey Scale fall by the wayside: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kinsey_scale) You also seem to know what ideas are giving you distress (“what if I’m actually a lesbian?”) and what that kind of distress is doing to you (making you question and forget your attraction/crushes/relationships). That’s good, because that awareness of what’s going on is your indicator that those thoughts are intrusive, not reflective of your actual desires, and something to practice your ERP on :)
ll28ll28
- Date posted
- 4y
thank you for such an in depth response!!
starry duckstarry duck
- Date posted
- 4y
So what do you identified as before ocd?
ll28ll28
- Date posted
- 4y
i identified as bi but was still confused then took it back and said i was straight. then i had hocd!
Nicolas:)Nicolas:)
- Date posted
- 1y
@ll28 I mean I once came out as bi too, but my definition of by at that moment was just admiting some guys are good looking and I basically just came out so the thoughs would shut up, but they didnt, but now my brain uses that as evidence that I must be really bi and would end up with a man, and that's not what I wanted, ever since I was a kid I just wanted to have a wife and kids, and I don't care if it was society or some other reason, I knew I WANTED IT, but now it's like all that desire is gone
ninkaninganinkaninga
- Date posted
- 1y
@Nicolas:) Ohh, this is kinda my case as well. I also had a thought at some point that maybe im bisexual, but never came out to anyone, i just had a thought. And i also thought or at least i think, that it was because i could admit that some women are attractive and pretty and that they just look good. Maybe i thought that we as a woman should not find other women pretty? I dont know. I just could admit that they are pretty and i admired them. So i also might mistaken it as being bisexual.
ninkaninganinkaninga
- Date posted
- 1y
@Nicolas:) Ohh, this is kinda my case as well. I also had a thought at some point that maybe im bisexual, but never came out to anyone, i just had a thought. And i also thought or at least i think, that it was because i could admit that some women are attractive and pretty and that they just look good. Maybe i thought that we as a woman should not find other women pretty? I dont know. I just could admit that they are pretty and i admired them. So i also might mistaken it as being bisexual.
mer_park3rmer_park3r
- Date posted
- 51w
@Nicolas:) i feel like this all the time!! it’s so frustrating and i don’t know what to do with it! i came out as bi when i was 12 to my parents, but because they didn’t make a big deal about it i’m always worried i didn’t make the right call.
Nicolas:)Nicolas:)
- Date posted
- 51w
@mer_park3r - I mean, I'm not sure if it's the same case, cause I wasn't bi, but OCD it's a bitch for everyone, that's for sure
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anonymous1348
- Date posted
- 23w
hocd
straight girl suffering from hocd, okay so when i was younger i looked at like a girl corn star insta for like 2 weeks and like did get aroused by it, didn’t think much of it still fancied boys, girls were like ew no to me, but its triggering my hocd so badly, like is it normal that i could look at a sexy pic of a girl n get aroused by it, but like a shirtless pic of a boy i wouldn’t, however i have insane attraction to men irl, i love my boyfriend, i love the idea of being with a man and hate the idea of being with a woman, this really freaking me out!
Masc4lesb
- Date posted
- 16w
LESBIAN WITH SO-OCD
hi i’m a lesbian! and i have known im a lesbian for a really long time and i have a sweet girlfriend of 1 year. it all started when i saw this masc lesbian come out as straight, after that i had my guy friend over and he’s a sweet guy and he was flirting with me (he didn’t know i was gay) im not sure but i panicked and my brain froze and i was like “do i like him”, ever since my brain has been over worked 24/7 for 2 months now and it’s spiralling constantly. im trying to control it but all these thoughts are so disgusting and my brain tries to put him and i in scenarios that make me uncomfortable and i feel panic and i hate it. i have always been comfortable being a lesbian and i still am comfortable as a lesbian, but i dislike these thoughts i have about him and men and i want it to be over. i do not want to experiment with men even tho my brain is telling me i do, i find it disgusting and i dread it, i have a sweet girlfriend and i want to be with her forever, i do not imagine anything with any men and i hate these thoughts. im scared of becoming bisexual/straight one day and i hate hearing sexuality is fluid. its a whole mix of comphet and so-ocd
Mimo116
- Date posted
- 5w
I have HOCD,pls answer and share your opinion
I really need help understanding what I’m going through. For a long time now, I’ve been struggling with thoughts and feelings about women that confuse and scare me. Sometimes I feel this strange emotional or mental ‘pull’ toward certain women — it’s not exactly sexual, and not clearly romantic either, but it feels like something, and it triggers deep anxiety. When I see a beautiful woman or a WLW (woman-loving-woman) couple, I feel something that I can’t explain — sometimes I think it’s just admiration or aesthetic appreciation, but OCD keeps telling me: “You felt something, so you must be gay,” or “You’re hiding something.” I get stuck in endless loops, trying to analyze these moments and label them. Even when I feel physical or emotional reactions, they don’t feel natural or aligned with who I am. They feel like a reaction to the idea of women, not real attraction. I try to be honest with myself — I even told a friend I might be bisexual at some point, just to test if that felt more comfortable. But it didn’t. It made things worse, and I felt like I lost touch with who I am. I don’t want to lie to myself or live in denial, but I’m exhausted. It feels like I’m being mentally forced to feel something that isn’t mine. I’m 14, and I understand that things might still be developing, but I can’t help feeling like I’ve always been drawn to men, and never naturally wanted women that way. Still, I keep doubting everything. Is this real attraction or OCD feeding false feelings and thoughts? Can OCD create emotional or mental sensations that feel like desire? I’m so scared that I’ll lose myself, or find out something I never wanted. I just want peace and to feel like myself again.
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