- Date posted
- 4y ago
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Yes. I had this very badly as a teen, my ex was an addict and I was beyond paranoid about his safety. And this was also partly codependency but I was paranoid about his happiness in general, I never wanted to say or do anything that would upset him because he was very sensitive and would get this look on his face like I hurt him and withdraw and have emotional outbursts. It made it super difficult when I broke up with him (prevented me from doing so for ages) because I talked about some bad stuff he did in the relationship and then felt like I'd done the worst thing in the world by talking about it, esp because I'd promised not to. He just still felt like my responsibility. And I tried to force him to go to therapy because I got paranoid he'd do the same things to his next gf and that it would be my fault. It was bad again when my mother had to go in the hospital for a couple of weeks and I wanted to visit her every day and was googling constantly in case I could find some useful info (they didn't know what was wrong with her) and couldn't stop thinking about it 24/7. We don't even have a great relationship 😂
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I have it a bit with contamination ocd. Sometimes I have scared people will contaminate me, but other times I am scared I will contaminate others and make them sick. I have been purchasing my parents various masks like crazy. I've dropped 300 dollars on masks for them because I'm so scared. My mum works in a school and is starting soon and I just dropped 200 dollars on a new bed frame and will be buying her mattress too so that she can sleep in a separate room from my dad who has COPD.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Omg I spend so much money on panic buying for other people! From carbon monoxide detectors to eye drops to masks to hand lotion 🙄 I totally understand being worried about your mom working in a school, I’d probably end up doing the same. It’s so hard not to always try to help.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
That’s one of my bigger themes, second to scrupulousity for me, though the two themes are probably related for me. Like I constantly need to check in on people, and I think anything bad that happens is my fault. I genuinely struggle to tell the difference between when it’s my responsibility to intervene in a situation and when it isn’t.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
100% with you. I’m always worried about something being “my fault.” It just feels like if I can intervene, I should?? Like why not try to stop bad things from happening? But I’m slowly learning that 1. trying to maintain that kind of control negatively affects my own quality of life, and 2. I annoy people lol
- Date posted
- 4y ago
But yeah I used to talk my bf out of going out as much as possible and when he wouldn't listen I tagged along 99% of the time instead to try to make sure nothing happened. -_-
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I feel this so much. Like somehow my presence is going to stop bad things from happening lol. Sorry you went through that with your bf and mom, that sounds so tough.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 22w ago
I haven't been officially diagnosed with OCD but when I learned more about it, I never related to anything more. A little back story: when I was younger, there were a couple of youth suicides in my area and the schools felt the need to have someone come in and talk about suicide. Well the person they had come in did a horrible job teaching it and basically made it seem like the smallest negative emotion or feeling or change in behavior made you suicidal. This ended up scaring me so much that I got horrid anxiety. Fast forward to now, Everytime I feel anxiety and panic, I fear I'm going to kill myself. Everytime I feel down and depressed, I fear I'll end it all. I'm scared to be around anything sharp because the "What if" I hurt myself comes into my mind. There are always intrusive thoughts at almost every point of the day. And it's not only for me. Everytime I hear someone being negative, I fear they will be suicidal. I know in my heart that none of this is true but it's terrifying me that it's stuck around so much that it makes me scared that maybe it is true. I've had a lot of death in my family in the past year and a half and a lot of other family drama that I'd never had before that is now also bringing up existential intrusive thoughts. And I'd never questioned anything about life before but now I get the "why is life like this?" and "does anything we do matter?" and I hate it. I don't want to think like that. I just want to go through life being able to handle things normally again. It terrifies me even right now going "what if you give up?"
- Date posted
- 19w ago
I feel like there’s no way out of this. everyday i’m anxious and depressed from these thoughts. i feel like i have to constantly question if it’s OCD or not. the panic attacks are insane and i freak out. and a compulsion i have is looking eveything up on the internet when im stressing to know that it’s just my OCD and im not in danger. but looking things up add on to my thoughts and i start thinking “what if” actual suidcal people think. do others with this theme whenever they do something like if im taking a picture it’ll be like “yeah you look happy people will wonder what happened when your gone” LIKE i DO NOT want to end my life. or even as simple as cleaning my room, “yup keep it clean so when your family goes through your stuff” then i panic and can’t even do anything. those thoughts distress me so bad. i’ll sit there and think how good my life is or when im having a good day my thoughts will be like “NOPEEE what if your just saying that to convince yourself” it never shuts up and genuinely makes me think i have SI or something. i hope this reaches the right people just to know im not alone. Even when i do get better in the back of my mind it’s always “people who want to are the same a day before too” im genuinely scared and im scared one day im going to just snap and do it because its “too much” do i need to go to a mental hospital! i feel insane.
- Date posted
- 13w ago
So, I know my capacity to get fixated on things. And it's normally something that's relatively remote but, my latest issue is really getting to me and I was wondering if people have any advice. I'm avoiding getting too into specifics, as I don't want this to get reassurance-y but, in essence.. I came to the realisation recently that people who I'd been "friends" (feels like the wrong term now) when I was younger were not very nice people, and normalized a lot of very unpleasant behaviour towards other members of the group. They really normalized it, sold themselves as figures of authority, as older and more responsible and grown-up than others, and looking back, they acted horribly. And coming to this realisation, that I'd been manipulated into just accepting their behaviour has just... broken me. My OCD has latched onto it and I can't stop feeling irreversibly tainted by it. I've talked to others about it, and they've reassured me, told me it's not a big deal and that I hold myself to too high a standard, but none of that sticks. I feel better for a bit, then think 'Maybe when you told them you were skewing it to make yourself look better' or 'Did you leave out a crucial detail'. I keep ruminating over and over, trying to remember exactly how everything played out, trying to figure out if I fed into the behaviour, if I did something bad myself (because y'know, I feel like I was accepting of it at the time, so what does it say about my own values?). I know I need to stop doing all this if I want to improve, but then some part of me keeps saying 'So, you're just going to let yourself off the hook then?' Normally, I can rationalize my own fears to some degree, assure myself something won't happen, but the realness of the situation, and the fact I only came to understand the reality of it because the thought had been bothering me means it feels so much more all-encompassing. I know confessing in itself is a compulsion, but I keep feeling that if I'm not I'm somehow concealing what I 'really am' from others around me, and any positive interactions are me deceiving them in some way. I feel like I can't enjoy anything in life right now, and a good part of me feels I should not enjoy it ever again. If anybody has any advice on it, I'm all ears. Or even hearing if you relate to these feelings, I might appreciate the solidarity at least.
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