hi everyone, i was doing a bit better regarding my pocd and then today i had a horrible spike. My aunt was visiting and i was playing around with my 3 year old cousin and we played this game where i’m on my back and i lift her up by holding her hands with mine and her legs with my feet, sort of like she’s flying. First time went well and she laughed a lot second time when she fell my leg touched her bum accidentally which was a bit triggering but i decided to disregard it and keep playing even tho i knew the risks that it might happen again, the third time when she fell she fell in a way where she was like sitting on my leg and her nappy area was touching my leg and i said out loud “no no get off” and immediately removed my leg and i felt like i was gonna have a panic attack. I feel horrible, i knew the risk that it might happen and i still played the game, does that mean i did this on purpose?? did i molest my cousin?? i shouldn’t have kept playing it i’ve played with my sister before and i knew sometimes she’d fall and my leg would touch her bum but it was always on accident now i feel like i did this on purpose. am i horrible person?? i know reassurance is bad but i really need someone to tell me if i fucked up.

I don’t want to give you reassurance, I’m sure that you’re familiar with pure ocd this is how it is. A lot of people with ocd would react the same way and have the same exact thought.

Stuff like that happens. Especially if you are fond of kids. But the OCD makes us question ourselves. I’ve had similar experiences. I talked to my friend and they said they had a similar experience. But they don’t worry as much cause they don’t have OCD. Stuff happens. I get it we think “what if I did this on purpose” and stuff like that. It’s okay. Just breathe.

Sounds like you had a pretty tough trigger and now the desire to perform compulsions is super strong. I know it sucks but: resist! Resist trying to figure this out. Resist trying to prove yourself 100% innocent. Resist reviewing this over and over again in your brain to “be sure.” Resist internet research. Resist confessing. These are very common and clear compulsions. Let the uncertainty of this situation just be. “Maybe I had bad intentions playing this game. Or maybe this was all completely innocent and my OCD is making me overthink things. I don’t know and I don’t need to know with anymore certainty than I have in this moment.” Let that be your answer. Ride the the anxiety wave until it leaves on its own, which it will. And you’ll be much better off for not engaging in these compulsions.

Accept the thought because that's just an POCD nothing else.

you’re not alone! i have a sister who’s 3 and this happens all the time when i’m with her and sure it is super triggering but your intentions aren’t evil and you didn’t fuck up you have ocd that’s all ❤️