I’ve been ruminating non-stop over the last several months about whether I’m in the right relationship, so much so that I find myself evaluating every moment that I spend with my partner and how it “could” have been better. It’s challenging because the relationship does have a bunch of issues that need to be worked through, and my partner tends to be avoidant person (probably because she grew up in an overprotective environment combined with no previous experience with relationships). Having to coach her every step of the way feels overwhelming when I myself am struggling to bear the weight of my anxious/depressive thoughts. Our relationship started right about when COVID was picking up, which makes me wonder whether the relationship is the root cause of my anxiety, or if my anxiety is making me view my otherwise okay relationship negatively. Some days I feel like breaking up would make me feel much better, other days I feel like this may be as good as it gets. Doesn’t every relationship comes with its issues? What if I’m not going to be any happier off seeing someone else either? I also have a deep-rooted fear that if I give up on this relationship I will be left alone, unlovable, and miserable for the rest of my life. I tend to be super critical of myself for most things (and that has served me well on the career front) but I can’t help but wonder if I’m inadvertently being picky about my partner’s qualities. At this point, the conflict in my head is raging so hard that I don’t care about the outcome of my relationship – I just want to feel at peace with myself and secure in the decision I arrive at.

silverfire

Date posted: 5y

Imma let you in on a secret. You never *really* know if someone is the right person or not. You do your best and you enjoy what you have together. Perfectionism is never the goal in a relationship. It can’t be. It’s impossible to achieve.

Dme

Date posted: 5y

I understand - I've never felt this conflicted about previous relationships. It doesn't help that I've mostly always been pragmatic so the whole "feel it in your gut" kind of love has never worked for me.

silverfire

Date posted: 5y

@Dme Well, I just think that maybe you’re best off not making decisions in the midst of ROCD. ROCD wants you to be conflicted and it wants you to feel like you have to make a decision. You don’t. If you embrace that, things will be better regardless of what happens with the relationship. Being conflicted doesn’t mean anything good or bad, and I think that’s obvious in that your previous relationships ended. You weren’t conflicted but they still weren’t right (for you or your previous partners).

Emily

Date posted: 5y

This is truly ocd latching on to you. It’s almost not real but I know the fear feels real. Do you do any type of ocd therapy. ?

Dme

Date posted: 5y

I'll have my first NOCD session later this week. I worked with a couple of therapists in the past who did CBP and both stopped just short of saying she may not be the right person for me (something my closest friends have echoed). It just makes it harder to imagine that we can enjoy a happy future together.

cheyanne

Date posted: 4y

You have described how I feel about my relationship to a T!!! And ours started right when covid started too. It’s frustrating because I just know he’s the one and I see myself with him for the rest of my life but I’m always constantly questioning and seeing flaws and then ruminating for hours about whether I should break up with him or not, for no good reason. I wish I had advice for you. But I do know how you feel and it sucks :(

Emily

Date posted: 5y

I really think the ocd therapy will help this.

AnxiousHokie

Date posted: 4y

YES! OMG. That was like reading my very own post. My relationship started right when COVID did too. And at this moment, I’m under a lot of stress, I’m extremely negative about life, lashing out at my boyfriend, and thinking that he would be better and happier without me. Because of my anxiety and this being my first real relationship, every day is a struggle of “do I love him”, “are we too different”, “will I always feel like this or is this because of Covid and stress?” I know that it’s hard. And for me, just communicating my feelings (and ROCD diagnosis) and figuring out ways to become a better girlfriend is helping just a little bit. But I hope it goes away soon.

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