- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
Imma let you in on a secret. You never *really* know if someone is the right person or not. You do your best and you enjoy what you have together. Perfectionism is never the goal in a relationship. It can’t be. It’s impossible to achieve.
- Date posted
- 5y
I understand - I've never felt this conflicted about previous relationships. It doesn't help that I've mostly always been pragmatic so the whole "feel it in your gut" kind of love has never worked for me.
- Date posted
- 5y
@Dme Well, I just think that maybe you’re best off not making decisions in the midst of ROCD. ROCD wants you to be conflicted and it wants you to feel like you have to make a decision. You don’t. If you embrace that, things will be better regardless of what happens with the relationship. Being conflicted doesn’t mean anything good or bad, and I think that’s obvious in that your previous relationships ended. You weren’t conflicted but they still weren’t right (for you or your previous partners).
- Date posted
- 5y
This is truly ocd latching on to you. It’s almost not real but I know the fear feels real. Do you do any type of ocd therapy. ?
- Date posted
- 5y
I'll have my first NOCD session later this week. I worked with a couple of therapists in the past who did CBP and both stopped just short of saying she may not be the right person for me (something my closest friends have echoed). It just makes it harder to imagine that we can enjoy a happy future together.
- Date posted
- 4y
You have described how I feel about my relationship to a T!!! And ours started right when covid started too. It’s frustrating because I just know he’s the one and I see myself with him for the rest of my life but I’m always constantly questioning and seeing flaws and then ruminating for hours about whether I should break up with him or not, for no good reason. I wish I had advice for you. But I do know how you feel and it sucks :(
- Date posted
- 5y
I really think the ocd therapy will help this.
- Date posted
- 4y
YES! OMG. That was like reading my very own post. My relationship started right when COVID did too. And at this moment, I’m under a lot of stress, I’m extremely negative about life, lashing out at my boyfriend, and thinking that he would be better and happier without me. Because of my anxiety and this being my first real relationship, every day is a struggle of “do I love him”, “are we too different”, “will I always feel like this or is this because of Covid and stress?” I know that it’s hard. And for me, just communicating my feelings (and ROCD diagnosis) and figuring out ways to become a better girlfriend is helping just a little bit. But I hope it goes away soon.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 21w
Hey everyone, I just wanted to share something I’ve been struggling with, especially around making decisions. It’s really hard for me to feel confident in the choices I make, even when I know what the right thing is. I constantly find myself needing validation from others—whether it’s about something small or something really important. For example, at my job, I might know exactly what I’m doing and have done it right a bunch of times, but I still feel the need to double-check with someone or ask if it’s okay. It’s like this fear kicks in, and I start imagining worst-case scenarios—like what if I mess up and someone gets hurt, and then I get blamed or even end up in jail or prison. I know that sounds extreme, but these thoughts just come automatically, and they feel so real in the moment. This has been going on for maybe a year or two now. Even outside of work, the same thing happens. Like recently, I’ve been trying to figure out a gym schedule—my girlfriend wants to go with me, and I’m trying to plan the times and make it all work. But instead of just choosing what works best for me, I overthink it. I go back and forth in my head, and I ask other people what they think, even though deep down I know this is something I should be deciding for myself. It’s my life, but I still need that reassurance from others, and I don’t really know why. It’s exhausting to always doubt myself and to feel like one wrong choice could lead to something terrible. I’m trying to work through it, but I just wanted to put it out there and see if anyone else deals with this or has advice. Thanks for reading.
- Date posted
- 15w
Everyday I wake up and start searching for reason to breakup with my partner. I feel utterly confused by relationships and dating. Not to mention, I’m autistic and this has always been a huge struggle for me. In fact, it led me to both diagnoses of ASD and OCD. I can see there are some things I am not happy with in my current relationship and I understand that, but when does it become too much? I started having limerence over a random person because my brain just wants an out so fast. I told myself that I wouldn’t until I get proper help (medication, constant erp therapy etc). Every time I think about breaking up I start sobbing and my body vehemently rejects it. Its really confusing and disorienting for me and cant trust a damn thought in me. I’m scared that I’m just taking him along for the ride and potentially will severely fuck him up emotionally because of this. I guess thats where I can feel the OCD. My fear of being a bad person and the people around me being bad people. I dont know if I need advice because I think this may be me searching for a compulsion to do. But I just want to get this out of my system. I have severe Disney-like unrealistic expectations sometimes. I had to maladaptive daydream all the time growing up to get out of my traumatic upbringing and brain (tbh). I still do. I am aware of that and try to put myself into check. I just cant stop comparing my friends own beautiful relationships to my own. Most of them are in the “engagement” stage of their relationships. Even though it’s ridiculous, all of them have worked on it for many years at this point.
- Date posted
- 15w
I have had ROCD in my relationship for a while and I’ve always been having the feeling do I break up so I not but even with the anxiety I still felt love and knew I didn’t want to be without him. But now it feels different. What scares me is it feels like I could actually see myself wanting to date someone else because of qualities he doesn’t have. I keep seeing him as overall bad. For more context he is caring, generous, we are very similar, but have different communication styles and talking issues out is hard for him. He also can be irritable easily, he doesn’t like talking things out that much and there’s a bit of a maturity difference which I know is sometning that can grow. Lately I feel like when I’m around him I am just frustrated with how he is acting like when he does something that upsets me like makes a joke about something he knows isn’t funny and bothersome to me, he’ll say sorry but then end up doing it again. Even though I know he really does care about me which I know it feels like he only cares about him doing wrong like he doesn’t want to do wrong instead of actually wanting to fix my feelings being hurt cause when he asks if I’m upset and I say yes he will get upset and try to be defensive and it makes me feel he cares more about being wrong. I also have had less empathy toward him which really scares me because I am a very empathetic person but I am hoping it’s just cause of bad ocd and built frustrations. Also, I do know cause he has told me and I’ve seen it that he always wants to impress his parents and not make them mad because they pick at him the minute he does wrong. This is probably why it’s hard to talk things out but lately I have been feeling like I can’t say anything cause he will just get more anxious or shut down or not want to hear it. Anyway, what makes me anxious is it feels like I don’t feel anything anymore and my brain is saying the only reason why I get anxious thinking of not being together is because I hate change and cause he is the first person I’m with. But I keep going back and forth. It’s so hard to be around him now. All I’m trying to think of is evidence that I still love him or the good things about him. I’m really afraid this isn’t ocd and that it has just morphed into it just isn’t working anymore. Some feelings like less love feel real but also ocd gets in between everything and it’s so fuzzy. I am afraid deep down I really know. My brain keeps saying I can’t be with him anymore cause I can’t be with someone if I feel like this about him. Meaning if I don’t have empathy for him cause I’m frustrated or whatever and if all I can see his bad even though I know there is good. It also says if I was with someone else that was a little nicer or could talk things out or whatever imaginary scenario in my head I wouldn’t feel like this😭 and I love the family and it keeps saying I’m only staying cause of the family. And some of this I’m like wait that might be true and I have to rest and review and I’m exhausted. And one minute I want to leave the next I don’t….im worried the only reason I am with him is cause of how great things were or cause he loves me and not me loving him.
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