- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
Imma let you in on a secret. You never *really* know if someone is the right person or not. You do your best and you enjoy what you have together. Perfectionism is never the goal in a relationship. It can’t be. It’s impossible to achieve.
- Date posted
- 4y
I understand - I've never felt this conflicted about previous relationships. It doesn't help that I've mostly always been pragmatic so the whole "feel it in your gut" kind of love has never worked for me.
- Date posted
- 4y
@Dme Well, I just think that maybe you’re best off not making decisions in the midst of ROCD. ROCD wants you to be conflicted and it wants you to feel like you have to make a decision. You don’t. If you embrace that, things will be better regardless of what happens with the relationship. Being conflicted doesn’t mean anything good or bad, and I think that’s obvious in that your previous relationships ended. You weren’t conflicted but they still weren’t right (for you or your previous partners).
- Date posted
- 4y
This is truly ocd latching on to you. It’s almost not real but I know the fear feels real. Do you do any type of ocd therapy. ?
- Date posted
- 4y
I'll have my first NOCD session later this week. I worked with a couple of therapists in the past who did CBP and both stopped just short of saying she may not be the right person for me (something my closest friends have echoed). It just makes it harder to imagine that we can enjoy a happy future together.
- Date posted
- 4y
You have described how I feel about my relationship to a T!!! And ours started right when covid started too. It’s frustrating because I just know he’s the one and I see myself with him for the rest of my life but I’m always constantly questioning and seeing flaws and then ruminating for hours about whether I should break up with him or not, for no good reason. I wish I had advice for you. But I do know how you feel and it sucks :(
- Date posted
- 4y
I really think the ocd therapy will help this.
- Date posted
- 4y
YES! OMG. That was like reading my very own post. My relationship started right when COVID did too. And at this moment, I’m under a lot of stress, I’m extremely negative about life, lashing out at my boyfriend, and thinking that he would be better and happier without me. Because of my anxiety and this being my first real relationship, every day is a struggle of “do I love him”, “are we too different”, “will I always feel like this or is this because of Covid and stress?” I know that it’s hard. And for me, just communicating my feelings (and ROCD diagnosis) and figuring out ways to become a better girlfriend is helping just a little bit. But I hope it goes away soon.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 22w
Every morning I wake up im always fixating on something and texting chat gpt, whether thats my relationship or my sexuality. I try so hard to resist it but I just can’t handle the uncertainty or the idea of hurting him or leading him on. We aren’t even official because in the past my rocd caused an issue between us where it led to him breaking up with me so now I have a fear of his intentions being ingenuine, especially because friends and family have called him a love bomber, saying he used me for attention, and narcissistic. This takes over me because I feel like I will never be able to be happy with him or trust myself or the relationship because of what other people say. I am very content on my own and single, this is the first relationship where i have experienced debilitating anxiety and doubt about the legitimacy of both of our feelings to the point where I cannot function. I’m trying so hard to not feed into it and not give it energy but I just hate the idea of leading him on or being inauthentic to what I truly want. My current therapist who I only see a couple times a month doesn’t think I have ocd, which makes me spiral and think I should end it with him, especially because I always hear things like “The right relationship will add to your life” and I feel the opposite is happening not directly because of him but because my brain takes over and paralyzes me with indecision about if i should be with him or not. I know that his intentions are genuine, but I hate that everyone is so cynical and assumes they’re not just because my rocd and his emotional baggage created a messy situation. From the moment i met him I convinced myself it was too good to be true and my therapist even said I was self-sabatoging. But i hate not knowing if it is rocd and my insurance doesn’t cover NOCD. He is so patient with me and supportive but I keep hearing things like “the honeymoon stage is supposed to last 3 months” and “it shouldn’t be this hard with the right person” “you’re not good for each other” and my friends tell me i didnt do anything wrong etc bc he did at first say my ocd didnt affect him when in reality that led to him ending it initially. But he has been more upfront with his emotions but then my mom and people will say “more to come” “there’s so much more out there” and its just so isolating not having that support and wondering if im too young to settle and if I’m just an idiot convincing myself I have rocd when really i just don’t want to be with him/it is a toxic relationship. When in reality the only reason it is toxic is because i am so sporadic about whether or not I want him in my life because of my distrust in myself and my decisions. I love him but I know love isn’t always enough and I get existential fixating on what’s “meant to be” and what’s “supposed to happen” its like this debilitating urge to control everything and make everything go perfectly how it is supposed to go. Please help i just want to make the right decision and stop paralyzing myself with doubt
- Date posted
- 22w
I am in a relatively new relationship (around 2 months) and it has been completely virtual due to varying circumstances. I have never been in a serious relationship before and my past “exes” have never been this serious or brought up any of these feelings. About a month in I started having tons of symptoms and thoughts I figured were due to an SSRI change (i eventually went back to my original med/dose) however, it has remained quite bad since. Thoughts include: -I don’t actually like my partner, I just like the feeling of being wanted -I have crushes on other people, including my partners friends who I barely know -I don’t feel butterflies so I must be losing feelings for him -I think he’s ugly/im just not attracted to him -I’m secretly a lesbian and I’m wasting his time by being with him -a general feeling of dread, wrongness, or needing out of the relationship -not being able to believe him when he reassures me about everything -all of the above is just my genuine feelings and I’m using ocd as an excuse These are obviously crazy things to think, however one of my biggest compulsions is confession and self sabotage so I have told my partner all of these things in detail. He’s really great and patient about all of it but I can tell it weighs on him. Hes even recently expressed feeling like it’s his fault and that he wonders if it wouldn’t be this bad if I was with someone else. I feel so miserable but i feel like I’d be miserable in any relationship but im scared that’s not the truth and my ocd isn’t real. When it’s good i feel the most romantic love for him I’ve ever felt toward anyone ever. He’s an incredible person but I just feel so alone and lost on what to do. I’ve literally tried to break up with him like five times and each time we’ve ended up wanting to stay together. I’m really really scared I’ll never get better or this is simply the wrong relationship for me.
- Date posted
- 16w
Hey everyone, I just wanted to share something I’ve been struggling with, especially around making decisions. It’s really hard for me to feel confident in the choices I make, even when I know what the right thing is. I constantly find myself needing validation from others—whether it’s about something small or something really important. For example, at my job, I might know exactly what I’m doing and have done it right a bunch of times, but I still feel the need to double-check with someone or ask if it’s okay. It’s like this fear kicks in, and I start imagining worst-case scenarios—like what if I mess up and someone gets hurt, and then I get blamed or even end up in jail or prison. I know that sounds extreme, but these thoughts just come automatically, and they feel so real in the moment. This has been going on for maybe a year or two now. Even outside of work, the same thing happens. Like recently, I’ve been trying to figure out a gym schedule—my girlfriend wants to go with me, and I’m trying to plan the times and make it all work. But instead of just choosing what works best for me, I overthink it. I go back and forth in my head, and I ask other people what they think, even though deep down I know this is something I should be deciding for myself. It’s my life, but I still need that reassurance from others, and I don’t really know why. It’s exhausting to always doubt myself and to feel like one wrong choice could lead to something terrible. I’m trying to work through it, but I just wanted to put it out there and see if anyone else deals with this or has advice. Thanks for reading.
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