Does anyone else know they didn’t do something but than they can’t be certain they didn’t ? I have intrusive thoughts that make me terrified I have abused a child. One minute I’m positive I haven’t and the next I can’t be 100%. I end up going over a situation so much I add details that then become real to me and make me doubt myself more. For example, I just changed her diaper and now I’m terrified I did something I wasn’t suppose to even though I know I didn’t. But now I’m sitting here concerned I did. How do you cope with this?

Thank you so much for the response! If you don’t mind me asking, have you figured out anything that helps? I love my daughter and I don’t want this to keep causing me so much pain. I want to be able to look at her without feeling guilty. I keep telling myself I have done nothing but than I go over scenarios again and again- I hope things get better for you❤️

You’re a mother with pocd as well?

I’m so sorry 😞 this is literally a nightmare. I feel like a prisoner in my own head. I don’t wish this upon anyone. But I’m so glad we aren’t alone. How old are your children and how old are you?

I’m 25 and my daughter just turned 1! What about you and your daughter? And I definitely agree it is so nice not to feel alone ❤️ I can definitely definitely agree with as soon as one goes a new worse one comes along. One moment I’m almost laughing at myself for the thought bc I know I would never do anything than the next I’m practically shaking in a ball

@kaitw I’m 29 and my daughter just turned 1 too! When was her birthday? You’re not alone! I’m seriously going through the same exact thing. Are you in therapy or on medication? How long have you been dealing with ocd?

@Freemeofocd September 2nd☺️ what about yours? I’m not in therapy or on medication. I want to start very soon but I’m scared. I’m scared if I tell the therapist what I worry about they will think I’m not a good mom. I know they will understand it’s ocd but at the same time I don’t 🙃 Have you tried any medication or therapy? I need to do something soon or I’ll lose my mind

@kaitw Wow my daughters birthday is September 5th! So cool. Where are you guys located? I just started medication a few weeks ago, I’m on 50 mg of Zoloft. I can notice a small improvement, but not much. It does take a while to reap the full benefits of the medication though. So I’m hoping I will feel them within the next week or so. And I have my first therapy appt through kaiser today with a licensed marriage family therapist. I’m not gonna disclose the nitty gritty details of my POCD, not yet anyways. I don’t want them to worry about me not being a good mom either. I think I’m gonna be very vague. But I scheduled an appt through NOCD with an ocd specialist that’s scheduled in about a week from now. I think I’ll save the details for someone who is specialized in OCD for fear of them not understanding or misenterpreting me.

@Freemeofocd I’m so glad you responded lol I feel like we are in the same crappy boat 😩 I’m in Pennsylvania what about you? Please let me know how it goes with the specialist - I don’t know how to explain my thoughts bc I’m so embarrassed but I know that I need to talk to a professional to get better.. if you don’t mind me asking- when did your ocd really start with you and your daughter? Mine was randomly after changing her when she was a few weeks but I was able to quickly overcome it. Then a few weeks ago it came back SO much stronger

@kaitw I know I’m so glad I found you! Lol I feel so much less alone. This is literally the worst thing in the world. It makes sense the ocd would attach to our daughters because we love them so much. They say it attacks what you love. I had some pocd when I was a teenager but I didn’t know that’s what it was. So when I got pregnant it was always kind of at the back of my mind. And then when I had her it was kind of at the back of my mind. It kind of just lingered in the background up until about a month ago. I read a really horrible police report at work ( I work in a criminal defense law firm) and that night when I got home I was launched into the worst episode of my life. That story really freaked me out and triggered me. It made me feel like if that person is capable, so am I. I was also obsessed over the fact that one wrong move could land you in jail for the rest of your life (again, because of where I work). I had also been reading more about erp and ocd and how you should t avoid certain things because of your ocd, you should live your life as if you don’t have ocd. So I jumped the gun that night, of all nights, and tried to do erp on my own and it completely backfired. I always avoided holding my daughter a certain way with my hand between her legs. I would see people carry their children like that all of the time but I never would for fear that it would cause me to question my intent. But that night I needed to guide her down into her crib with one arm supporting her and that would require me to have my hand in between her legs. I thought damn if only I would guide her down that way. And I said why couldn’t I? The only thing stopping me is my fear. So I did it without second thought and immediately was overcome with so much guilt and distress. I could barely function or eat or anything for a month. I did the exposure part but not the most important part which is response prevention. I immediately started questioning why I did it, what was my intent, what was my motive behind it. I felt like I acted on the urge. It was miserable. And It lasted an entire month. Right when I was finally starting to feel better from it and move forward, I fell asleep with my daughter in my arms and my hand on her stomach. I had a sexual dream where I almost had an orgasm. I woke up before I did thank goodness. But the dream started off normal and then I started to feel and smell my daughter (which would make sense because she was laying on me) and in the dream I feel like I pulled her into me and smelled her. I woke up before having an orgasm and we were laying exactly how we were when we fell asleep. But I am so disturbed by the dream and the fact that I could feel her and smell her while I was having a sexual dream. I don’t know if I actually pulled her into me or if I just imagined I did In my dream and that’s what woke me up. It’s really really bothering me. I know it was just a dream but because I was holding her I’m worried that She played a part in the dream somehow. I can’t shake it. I’ve been ruminating and replaying it over and over again and it’s getting more and more foggy. It’s a dream! It was foggy to begin with. So you can only imagine the type of hell im experiencing with it.

@Freemeofocd Ahh it’s like you are living my life - I was recently triggered by reading an article about a child being abused and I just started thinking about how horrible it was and if I was capable as well. It has me going back over every moment of my life where I’ve been around kids and second guessing everything I’ve done. I think I’m going to sign up for therapy on here too because I can’t cope. I feel like I’m at rock bottom. I would never hurt myself because of my family and my daughter but I feel like I don’t know know how much longer I can go on like this

@kaitw I would love to connect with you off of the app if you feel comfortable, I’ll give you my number and you can text me and we can exchange social media maybe? Let me know so I can delete my number as soon as I post it lol

@Freemeofocd Did you get it!? Let me know so I can delete it

We just started the school year online. It's been weird.

What medication are you on?

I’m on sertraline too. How many mg?