You guys I need to let this go! I’m driving myself crazy over a dream. I don’t know how to let it go. I had a sexual dream while I was holding my daughter. It was about normal things and then i felt like I was about to have a sleep orgasm and then I started to smell her and feel her(because I was smelling her and feeling her, she was laying on me) and had a vision of pulling her into me, and smelling her head-then I jolted awake. I did not have an orgasm, and I woke up and she was asleep. But Im having this fear that would if she was the reason I was turned on to begin with in the dream? Would if I didn’t wake up quick enough? Would if I did actually go to pull her into me, and it wasn’t just the dream? I’m so disturbed and I want to let it go!!!! I wanna let it go so badly. As soon as it happened I said okay it was a dream, don’t ruminate. And then I fucked up and came back to it a few hours later and started to ruminate and now I’m stuck in the rabbit hole. Would if it wasn’t a dream? Would if I had some level of consciousness and knew what I was doing? Would if I enjoyed it? I’m having such a hard time! I just wanna move on from it.

You are not alone I am a mother of two baby girls and have been struggling with this it's super uncomfortable and not many people understand

Stop figuring it out - that’s rumination and that’s a compulsion

Ever since I was a kid I was sexually abused when I was younger and have always loved kids and wanted to work with kids my whole life. Basically having my own kids was a huge dream of mine but when I was younger and volunteering in my parents church I told my mom I felt wrong being around the children like I was gonna harm them in some way and she made me stop going. It hurt me more that I couldn't be around them and I never understood why I felt so wrong. Right now my children are 1 and 2 years old and have this year finally found out that I'm not a horrible monster whose wanting to sexually abuse them but infact I'm such a caring and loving mother that I am scared of them going through the same things that I have to the point where I interjected myself into my own phobia of being the one who is or will do it. I have had to put them in their room days where I'd be having panic attacks from the overwhelming thoughts but now that I know I'm not alone and that it's just my mind and past abuse controlling it I feel so much better and now I can just let the thought leave my mind as soon as it comes up. I still remove myself from them if the anxiety from it comes back up too hardcore but ultimately I've been able to finally realize that I am not the horrible monster I thought I was and that I love children so much and want to protect them so much that I even want to protect them from myself when my thoughts take over me. I have finally chalked it up to the fact that someone struggling with this is safer with kids in some ways because they just want to protect them at all costs even if it means you can't be with the ones you love most. And that in itself has significantly helped me heal more than I've even realized. Also there's such a thing as postpartum ocd which most people hear as thoughts of harming their child like chunking them down the stairs when they're crying and then freaking out at yourself but not many people talk about these type of thoughts. It's okay. You're not the one whose wrong here. The fact that you are scared of your own dream proves that you love your child so much that you would never ever want to harm them. ❤️ You're not alone

My heart breaks for you. It must be so hard to deal with such disturbing thoughts. I dont know how to comfort you without giving you assurance. The obvious answer is that you have to accept uncertainty. You have to say this situation might or might not mean something but I don't care ocd. I will live my life. But I know it is hard to do. I am a mom so I understand how terrible you just feel about yourself. Hang in there. I am confident that once you start therapy you will get better. I had pocd 12 years ago. For whatever reason I was able to overcome it pretty quick. I didn't have children then. I just told myself it is ocd it is not me for a while. And then just like that I got over pocd. Just want to encourage you that you will get better. Stay strong for your daughter. Sometimes when I am super anxious I watch TV and that takes the edge off. Do something to distract yourself.