I think I have ocd. It started out in grade 11 with checking locks on doors and windows. At first I didn’t think anything of it, but quickly got out of hand. Sometimes it’ll take me two hours to get to bed because I have to repeatedly check things until it’s just right. I’m one of the most messy people, but sometimes I’ll see an object like a remote control out of place and I just have to go fix it, then come back and fix it again etc. I have to do that crucifix gesture on my body at least four times before I go to bed. I re-read things in my head until I “say” it just right. Constantly checking stuff in my room. I don’t know why this started, but a few months earlier I was dealing with a pretty traumatic family issue. My moms side of the family seems to be predisposed to some mental health issues.

First post, new here. I’ve always thought that I have OCD since I was in 7th grade. I am 22 now and actively trying to take steps to treat it myself because I don’t have money for therapy and my parents don’t believe I have it. I think I suffer from Magical Thinking. A (stupid but true) example would be how I collect phone cases. I buy really cute ones and then I put one on and the whole day no one texts me so I take it off because I think it’s the case doing it and it gives me anxiety so I switch back to this main one that when I use it I get texts and it makes my anxiety go away. I do this with a lot of my things so for years I just haven’t been able to wear or use certain things or even take a different way home for fear that abc or d might or might not happen. It’s very debilitating to feel like I can’t change anything about myself or my life because it gives me anxiety thinking that if I change this or that then I might die, or I might not have a good night, or so and so won’t text me, etc. Sorry if this doesn’t make sense, I’ve never told anyone about it just something that consistently eats away ate my brain and has been forever. Any advice or comments would be appreciated.

I believe I’ve always had intrusive/OCD thoughts. When I was younger I always repeated phrases because my brain went “if you don’t do this your whole family will die” but it wasn’t anything too bad. However, when I was 15 I entered my first relationship. I had divorced parents and didn’t know what love was - so it ended up being abusive and I did not know. He forced me to disclose all the people I found attractive as well as all the “unpure” thoughts I had. He deemed fantasizing cheating - which I respected - but also caused for a lot of intrusive thoughts to make me freak out. He also gaslit me and accused me of cheating for the lightest things (gave my cousin a side-hug) and prohibited me from getting male friends because he thought I’d cheat (I’ve never been unfaithful or even flirted w another man. I’ve always had strong morals about it) I believe this trauma is what made my ocd what it is now, since I’m used to being accused for stuff I didn’t understand or have control over. I believe that understanding OCDs roots allows me to heal because it reminds me that I could exist without this thoughts and still had a good moral compass.

hii everyone, so, it has been about 2 or 3 years I’d say since I’ve been dealing with this. let’s just get right into it, so first, whatever I have (which might be OCD, I’m not entirely sure what it is) has taken over basically most of my childhood, and what kills me is that I’ll never get it back. one thing I know is that im not normal, i now get sleepless nights. why you may ask? because of my horrifying thoughts, “if you don’t look up you’ll be praying to the devil and you’ll go to hell!” “if you don’t say ‘God bless them’ their condition will happen to you!” “if you don’t say ‘good yetho 2x’ (idek..) ‘your mom will die 5x’ you’ll die and forget how to read. “if you don’t put your arms up, look directly up at the ceiling because if you look down you’ll pray to the devil so you need to look up, and say ‘Dear Heavenly Father, I pray that you forgive me for my sins in the name of Jesus Christ Amen.’ you’ll go straight to hell!” or whenever I touch a wall, i need to touch it with my small finger because if I touch it twice with my pointer finger my body will go to hell. it’s an endless cycle, and what’s even worse is that I may never be able to get help. I’ll never get that life back that I wanna live, and it kills me. I’ve named most of the compulsions and obsessions I have and I have 18 compulsions that are physical and about 5 obsessions that I really don’t wanna name right now. anyway, i really don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’ve done a lot of research regarding around disorders, and it’s safe to say that I may have OCD. Now, do i want ocd? absolutely not. however, there’s a family member in my family who has it. so the chances of me having it are strong, i don’t think I’m able to get better until I’m 18. an adult. I’m 12 years old, my mom has noticed my compulsions and me repeating certain words. but she does nothing, absolutely nothing. instead, she just argues with me over it. if I ever tell my mom to sit down and ask her about getting a test, she would probably call me the R-Slur and tell me I’m crazy. Therefore, I’m all alone in this situation with no one to help me. another obsession I have is about me catching cancer if I don’t do a compulsion or I might get paralyzed and get sleep paralysis. It’s so horrifying, there’s more obsessions and compulsions I have but I really don’t wanna name them right now. I cry almost every day because of how exhausted I am, and how much help i truly want to get but I don’t think I ever will. I’m unsure whether or not I have ocd, people tell me to get a diagnosis. but the situation I am in right now makes it impossible. i have no way of getting tested but I have a good feeling I have ocd, if you’re reading this, please try to give me your thoughts and what I should do, and if I even have OCD. Thanks! :))