*TW* Hey guys this may be a weird one but I’m really really struggling with the below article. Hoping someone who has read it before can clarify? https://www.intrusivethoughts.org/blog/talking-pedophilia-ocd-dr-steven-phillipson/ The main ones that freak me out are this: “so a person might look at a child, and find that child to be pretty, or potentially to even be sexually arousing, and then the person that becomes highly distressed” Wouldn’t that just make someone a non offending P? “Persons with Pedophile OCD are exactly the opposite. They have associations regarding children in a sexual way, but then react to those associations as if they are a moral criminal” By associations does the author mean unwanted thoughts? “Someone with POCD in recovery would be able to notice children being attractive, even finding some sexual nature in a child under the age of 18 and not react as if their whole world is collapsing around them.” If you’re finding sexual nature in a child, I’m just so so scared that this article means the sexual attraction is genuine and I’m a non offending pedo. I didn’t really find a clear distinction. I’m so so sorry for posting this, I’m in tears and barely slept last night. Hope this doesn’t affect anyone else just really need some clarification if I get an unwanted sexual thought is that genuine attraction still or just POCD tricking my mind into thinking it is and it’s not sexual attraction at all? Thank you

I don’t know if my hormones are extra wild this month or what, but I have been having so many POCD thoughts lately. It feels like I enjoy them in the moment, and then a few seconds later, I get this tiny flicker of *wait I don’t think I actually want to enjoy that.* It’s scaring me a lot. I was watching adult videos for the first time in about a year, since I had been avoiding them because of my OCD. I know they are not good for anyone, but I felt like i could (ironically it felt like a tiny win that my OCD had calmed down enough). But while watching, I had like 3 separate POCD thoughts. And it felt like I liked them. Like genuinely *liked* them. I don’t know if maybe my body was mixing up physical pleasure and mental pleasure, and then my brain inserted those not okay thoughts into the situation, which got tangled up with the pleasure responses I felt mentally and physically. It is all really confusing. I just feel so scared. I know OCD thoughts are supposed to feel real, and that once you get desensitized to the anxiety, they lose their power. But this feels like I am *actually enjoying* the thoughts, and that makes me want to cry. I’m scared that I actually like these thoughts when I’m really aroused :( Please help.

How is this OCD? Who with Pocd thinks about a naked child ???? I was over here thinking if I’m actually attracted to kids because I find some of them good looking you know and my little cousin I have thoughts about her too and I was thinking about her naked but I wasn’t aroused or nothing so that’s where I’m confused It was intentional so does that make me a p*do?

Hello 😭, so uhm I’m kind of in the point of my POCD where I’m just tired. I just need to get it all out and get some sort of instruction of how to just idk live? So for me my childhood is pretty blurry. I have a few real event blended with false memory events there but other than that I’m a csa victim. And the way I tried to cope? By fetishising nyself, making CP of myself, seeing my life goal as being used, raped and a prostitue. Self destructive behaviour through talking to pedophiles and seeing my only worth as if I was sexually attractive. Which made me kind of numb to CP as a coping mechanism I guess. And heres’s where my main event of REOCD/false memory ocd comes in. I have a few events in my life when I’ve accidentally stumbled across CP ish mangas or just plan abuse and not had a big reaction. Some of them I even liked the story. And my ocd LOVES playing with it, making me truly believe I enjoy and get of from CP. I’ve also had quite a few dreams. A few days ago I had a dream about me getting triggered by something I did in the dream. Which I now can’t figure out if it actually was a dream. But also moments overall where I’ve unintentionally touched my private part while my siblings are in the room or when I found a guy 2 years younger than me pretty in 4th grade. Or a few of my only friends who turned out to be younger than me, and I had talked about sexual things (like fan fictions, my trauma ect) with them. AHSHB I absolutely hate ruminating and I’m tired so so so so so so tried 😭 idk help me? Please TT