- Username
- anonk
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I can relate to what your thinking and feeling absolutely... you are not a pedo in denial.. it’s the ocd tricking you.. your even being tricked into serious doubt about your ocd.... iv listened to the doctor before.... if you listen carefully to his information... he describes someone with ocd and you are that person... don’t over think it....your not a child abuser in denial.. your not a pedo... when iv struggled like you.. iv actually gone and said fuck it... and said to the thoughts and feelings.. “ok I agree with you” I don’t care anymore “....... and guess what.... I didn’t abuse a child... I still didn’t want to... and the intrusive thoughts calmed down... and when I actually tried to feel the way ocd tells me I do I couldn’t... the fake attraction wasn’t there....it’s all symptoms of this doubting disease we have... the worst thing we could imagine being is like those pedos on the news we see all the time and in films....just trust yourself your heart.. the real you....say to your brain fuck it I don’t care
I also have found the Podcast OCD stories to be extremely helpful. It's nice to hear other peoples stories and journeys through recovery. It's on spotify and I'm sure other places. Chrissie Hodges is a very cool speaker, an OCD advocate has a youtube channel. I try not to use them compulsory, but when I was completely entrapped and in the dark it helped pull me out and understand how my brain works.
I don’t want to act on it, I’m just so so scared that it seems like the attraction is “real”. I can’t get out of bed. My husband has been so so supportive but I feel so guilty because I just want to sit in bed and cry
Thanks crets.
“, and really fully participate in living, and accept their brain’s creativity if it has associations of children being attractive” Is this ERP? of children being attractive? Does he mean in a non sexual way like “oh that child is pretty” or is he talking about accepting unwanted thoughts? Sorry guys :(
Thank you so much for your responses by the way. I can barely function
I have the same fears with that particular rendition of it. We have to remember that the themes are ego-dtstonic meaning their exact opposite of our true nature/character. This is the worst part of OCD for me because I am grieving the fact that everything I care about is tainted by OCD, afraid of hurting my dog, my family, my house burning down or harming a child. I feel your pain, I am coming out of a really dark spiral and learning to identify when OCD is playing tricks on me. It is very difficult, but the fact that we are here trying to learn good coping skills speaks volumes. I wish you well in your recovery.
WARNING: POCD I need to know your thoughts... I'm panicking and feeling horrible This is probably one of the first events that made me wonder if I was a "p". (I'm female, 20s) Two years ago, in the summer, I went to a friend's house and I met her younger sister (8, at the time). She was very sweet and adorable and I liked her so much! She showed me her toys and she was always around me... I feared I was feeling some sort of attraction to her... And now that I am recalling the event, I'm getting so afraid that this attraction was, in fact, real. I'm on the verge of tears right now ... Because it was so strong... Believe me, this felt like attraction. I'm thinking about her as I'm writing this and I'm remembering the warm feeling I experienced (like I was developing a crush) - I just want to cry because I don't want to be a "p". I spent the whole day in panic and wondering If I was "p" and if I was attracted to her. I tried to dismiss the thoughts and enjoy the day. I've always wanted a little sister and one day (at that time), I wanted to have a daughter someday. I've played with her and talked with her. Later that day, we went to the pool and I played with her again and even gave her piggyback rides (which now, I know it was a mistake - because I am getting flawed (false) memories that I touched her butt but I'm almost sure that I only touched her legs when giving the piggyback rides but I'm afraid that I touched her butt on purpose too to be deviant! I feel like I would be capable of doing such a awful thing). I remember enjoying her company and wanting to be more time with her... But now I'm so scared that I had bad intentions, because "p" people want to be around children. I feel like there was more than "having a child/sister for a day" because of my strong feelings for this girl. I regreted this whole dayAnd when I went back to her house, I avoided the child at all costs. What do I do?? I feel so hopeless... I am crying like crazy, not knowing what to do. I feel like a "p". I am so scared that I was attracted to her and now I have this new false memory that scares me... Please help me... I'm in despair..This particular story weights on me. I'm reviewing it over and over (taking the false memory off) and I don't think I did anything wrong BUT I cant help but to feel uncertain about it... Even if I didnt do anything wrong, I still feel bad for not avoiding it. I felt like a "p" the whole day... I had these intrusive thoughts the whole day... Yet, I wanted to be near the child and play with her?? I was trying to dismiss my thoughts - I tried to fight them! but I can't help to feel that what I did was predatory! Or wrong! I have been crying so much about this subject... I have high morals... And everytime an adult plays with a child is usually a "p" or a predator... I am so afraid that my "desire" to be with this child was an indicator that I'm a p or a bad person in general. Please... I want to know your opinions (I also have another question. I also felt "dirty" all day. Are all of these symptoms normal in ocd? Do people with ocd can like being with children? Are even these questions making sense?) I can't help to reinforce this! I felt terrible afterwards - I regret it so much... I felt dirty during that event, after that event and even today! This was my first time (or one of the first times) dealing with with pocd... I thought it was my brain trying to get me... So I tried to fight it! But... I feel like shit for not avoiding her... I'm so afraid I actually felt attraction for her because it was so strong the affection I experienced for her... I feel like a p... I'm so done...
Someone please respond. Let me preface by saying that both my therapists and my mom don’t think I’m what I think I am. I have known I have OCD since I was 14, and I’m 22 now. (I had other forms of it in the past—perfectionism OCD, reverse HOCD (thought I was straight,) etc. But POCD is literally making me feel like trash and so scared and worthless. I can remember sooo many times when I had these thoughts and they weren’t “intrusive” because I didn’t know they were bad. Like so many times. So how does that make me any diff from an actual p********?! Now that I know they’re bad, we’re just going to call them intrusive?! I don’t want to hurt a child ever!! I want to have a relationship with someone my age! (But this can be true for real p********s too!!) I’m so scared, how can I just call these “false attractions” now?? Also, my type is young looking (people my age!) but does that mean I like them because they look child-like?! Please help, I want my happiness back. I’m not a bad person ?
Im sorry for a long post but I'm very scared Prior to few weeks ago I didn't have any sexual thoughts regarding children EVER, and if I did then I really can't remember. But ever since I started worrying about the possibility that I might be attracted to them, I just felt severely awful. And it's getting worse and worse overtime. What started as just me worrying that I might be attracted to kids has now turned into a deep belief that there is a very dark and real part of me that is, in fact, a pedophile. I even started having intrusive but pleasurable fantasies about children and it's driving me absolutely sick. I really wish that it's just a very extreme form of POCD and not actually me turning into a monster, but with each passing day my hope is fading away, replaced with pure disgust in myself and unwillingness to live like this. Has anyone here ever went through something similar?
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