*TW* Hey guys this may be a weird one but I’m really really struggling with the below article. Hoping someone who has read it before can clarify? https://www.intrusivethoughts.org/blog/talking-pedophilia-ocd-dr-steven-phillipson/ The main ones that freak me out are this: “so a person might look at a child, and find that child to be pretty, or potentially to even be sexually arousing, and then the person that becomes highly distressed” Wouldn’t that just make someone a non offending P? “Persons with Pedophile OCD are exactly the opposite. They have associations regarding children in a sexual way, but then react to those associations as if they are a moral criminal” By associations does the author mean unwanted thoughts? “Someone with POCD in recovery would be able to notice children being attractive, even finding some sexual nature in a child under the age of 18 and not react as if their whole world is collapsing around them.” If you’re finding sexual nature in a child, I’m just so so scared that this article means the sexual attraction is genuine and I’m a non offending pedo. I didn’t really find a clear distinction. I’m so so sorry for posting this, I’m in tears and barely slept last night. Hope this doesn’t affect anyone else just really need some clarification if I get an unwanted sexual thought is that genuine attraction still or just POCD tricking my mind into thinking it is and it’s not sexual attraction at all? Thank you

I can relate to what your thinking and feeling absolutely... you are not a pedo in denial.. it’s the ocd tricking you.. your even being tricked into serious doubt about your ocd.... iv listened to the doctor before.... if you listen carefully to his information... he describes someone with ocd and you are that person... don’t over think it....your not a child abuser in denial.. your not a pedo... when iv struggled like you.. iv actually gone and said fuck it... and said to the thoughts and feelings.. “ok I agree with you” I don’t care anymore “....... and guess what.... I didn’t abuse a child... I still didn’t want to... and the intrusive thoughts calmed down... and when I actually tried to feel the way ocd tells me I do I couldn’t... the fake attraction wasn’t there....it’s all symptoms of this doubting disease we have... the worst thing we could imagine being is like those pedos on the news we see all the time and in films....just trust yourself your heart.. the real you....say to your brain fuck it I don’t care

I also have found the Podcast OCD stories to be extremely helpful. It's nice to hear other peoples stories and journeys through recovery. It's on spotify and I'm sure other places. Chrissie Hodges is a very cool speaker, an OCD advocate has a youtube channel. I try not to use them compulsory, but when I was completely entrapped and in the dark it helped pull me out and understand how my brain works.

I don’t want to act on it, I’m just so so scared that it seems like the attraction is “real”. I can’t get out of bed. My husband has been so so supportive but I feel so guilty because I just want to sit in bed and cry

Thanks crets.

“, and really fully participate in living, and accept their brain’s creativity if it has associations of children being attractive” Is this ERP? of children being attractive? Does he mean in a non sexual way like “oh that child is pretty” or is he talking about accepting unwanted thoughts? Sorry guys :(

Thank you so much for your responses by the way. I can barely function

I have the same fears with that particular rendition of it. We have to remember that the themes are ego-dtstonic meaning their exact opposite of our true nature/character. This is the worst part of OCD for me because I am grieving the fact that everything I care about is tainted by OCD, afraid of hurting my dog, my family, my house burning down or harming a child. I feel your pain, I am coming out of a really dark spiral and learning to identify when OCD is playing tricks on me. It is very difficult, but the fact that we are here trying to learn good coping skills speaks volumes. I wish you well in your recovery.