Has anyone felt like they had rocd from the beginning of meeting someone? I feel like most stories are those where everything starts fine and then ocd hits in the middle of the relationship. I had no to little feelings for someone yet I cry strongly whenever we split from fwb and a great friendship.

Did you ever just not want to talk to him even on good days, not initiate things, and want to run away because you felt like you didn’t like him?

@Ditto~ Yes and it feels weird

@nimziewd Thanks for sharing. I did it all the time, and it would just hurt him. How does your current partner handle it?

@Ditto~ He doesn't know I don't plan on telling him and hurting him too I want to joke about all this to him one day when I overcome it.

@nimziewd But it's totally a choice I made. Not advicing you to do that :)

@nimziewd So do you just kinda force displaying attention and affection on the days you don’t want to? Do you find that you cycle back and forth between days when everything is alright and days when things are not? Or is it just hard for you most of the time? I was so stressed all the time despite him being the best guy ever. It got really bad for me when we tried a relationship.

@Ditto~ Yeah I force myself coz I wanna marry him It's a long distance relationship which makes it more difficult but I don't want to hurt him It's hard for me but it's better than avoiding triggers

@nimziewd Do you want to marry him because you think he’s a good match for you? Or something else? No judgment I’m just curious. I was told I need to stop looking for spark. But if I don’t have that, I have a tough time showing affection every day without it draining me.

@Ditto~ I loved him a lot Before this ROCD spiked up during lockdown I felt love after that too even if I had so much difficult times and I have always wanted to marry him. I am committed to him but because of my previous relationship, I had a lot of anxiety and what ifs. So for now I look at every thing with eyes of anxiety because I am always trying to feel what I used to feel before but I can't because we are in a long distance. He is a good match for me. I have always loved his support and I want to support him too. And I feel like I have turned into an evil who doesn't care for how he feels. Though I haven't told him about all this yet because I don't want him to get hurt. I will get cured and marry him

@Ditto~ The affection has reduced because we have so much anxiety. After every commitment I made to him, I had this thought "You are making him crazy about you and then you are going to leave him".this thought scared me. I always wanted that he falls for me but I never wanted to fall out of love.

@nimziewd Thank you for sharing :)

@nimziewd Yea I hear you on that. It was so strange to me how I wanted to leave but was scared of losing him.

@Ditto~ Yeah there will be a stage where I am right now When u won't feel the anxiety but u will have the thoughts and it will feel so convincing. This is the stage you have to survive doubts which seem so convincing and it seems like we are faking anxiety and want to leave our partner or want him to leave. But continue therapy .

@nimziewd How long did it take you to get to this stage? Where the anxiety calms down.

@Ditto~ 2 months for me But it differs for everyone

@nimziewd I tried a relationship for 3 mo. But I was so stressed that I couldn’t even get myself to go workout. It was an immobilizing type of anxiety. My muscles were so tight.

@Ditto~ I never felt like this when I was with him I got this in the pandemic