Can anybody tell me what is a toxic relationship? My boyfriend is so good, he encourages me for everything anf supports me but he has mood swings and he gets angry(not often) when i keep complaining to him because sometimes he is busy with online games which fuels my ROCD. But he is very understanding and supportive. My ROCD tells me he us toxic because he gets angry and he suffered from depression 2 years ago and that phase was very tough for us which makes me think he is toxic. But he has completely changed now. It was just his depression because of which he used to shout at me and then instantly regretted. Sometimes i think I'm toxic. But i don't really mean what is a toxic relationship or person. I know I'm in a healthy one but it is what I'm worried right now.

It feels so real. I'm just crying from yesterday's night because it feels my relationship is never going to be the same it used to be. I cannot see a life without him but he is angry with me and I'm obsessing about it that these behaviours are toxic.

@magicwizard Anger is not necessarily toxic. Anger is sometimes a very appropriate feeling. And even when it’s not, we cannot control how we feel only how we act. Why is he angry with you? And how are you two working to communicate about the issue and repair the relationship right now? Sounds like he’s having an emotional response to something you triggered in him. And instead of listening and making him feel heard, you’re obsessing about how his anger effects you. Hear him out. Then take time to reflect on his experience. You don’t necessarily have to respond exactly as he wants you to, but you can make him feel acknowledged and do your part to create open and nontoxic communication.

@pureolife I don't know if he is angry or not but yesterday i was complaining to him that he is always busy and he does not have time for me. He cannot call me some reasons but i constantly keep telling him to call. And suddenly the messages stop delivering and his phone is off. And it is still not switched on. He might have some problem but i am feeling like he is angry with me for complaining and he won't talk to me now.

@magicwizard Our relationship was going so well.. I'm ruining everything. I never wanted anything in my life other than him and now i feel like it's never going to be the same because I'm doing all these things.

@magicwizard The thing you’re doing that hurting you both is obsessing. You aren’t even sure if he’s angry and you’re already reacting as if the world is ending! You have such little information right now and you’re catastrophizing the whole situation. Time to just have a talk (when he’s ready) and be open to hearing his opinion. It’s okay to want time alone or apart from your partner. It’s also okay not to constantly call. He might be setting some reasonable boundaries here. You may have an anxious attachment style when it comes to relationships. And that can be hard for partners to deal with. And relatedly, it makes it hard for you to tolerate uncertainty and distance (even when they are happening in completely healthy and natural ways.) Are you currently in therapy for ocd and anxiety? Learning to tolerate these distresses without obsessing and engaging in compulsions will benefit you and your partner.

@pureolife I cannot afford therapy and yes he talked and said his phone's battery was dead and he slept waiting for it to charge and in morning he was busy with some work amd forgot to switch on his phone and thought that i would call him but he didn't remember it was switched off. I know i over react but the case is always absolutely different. I hate myself for overreacting and getting anxious. How do i know my attachment style, why could it be anxious attachment style and how to work on it.

@magicwizard https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/compassion-matters/201904/how-anxious-attachment-style-affects-relationships It’s very common, just something to aware of! When you’re feeling anxious and start catastrophizing situations before you have any real information, remind yourself that you tend to do this and take some deep breaths. Think of some other possibilities that are more neutral and less scary. And wait to form a decision on what’s going on until you talk with your partner. In the mean time, practice self care and be compassionate towards yourself. Breaking this habits isn’t easy!

I can’t tell you whether each issue in your relationship was either a “real” issue or ocd. But I can tell you that obsessing about whether they were or not IS ocd. Anger issues suck to deal with and those are on him. I’m sure it also tended to trigger your ocd in general from the stress of it.