TOCD has broken down my spirit. Day in and day out my anxiety is destroying me. The last 2 months have just been a rollercoaster ride. Starting from confusion to fear to just feeling null and empty. I really do miss when I could do anything without worrying about gender. I miss being just a happy man. Every moment of relief nowadays just feels depressing because its going to come back. It feels like I'm doomed to misery. Regardless, I'll continue to perform self erp and hope I can see a therapist soon.

I am struggling with TOCD from a lot of time, more than one year, even tho I have almost every theme of the disorder, TOCD is the worst for me, I totally feel like you, like everything you said is everything I’ve been through and I’m still experiencing right now those days, the only thing is helping me right now is that as soon as I realize I’m having an intrusive thought I don’t pay attention to it, sometimes it works sometimes not, sometimes I don’t compulse and sometimes I make i compulsion but I’m understanding that more I compulse, more I make it bigger and familiar and the guilt after the compulsion is terrible, we don’t have to do nothing with our ocd thoughts, it is not our job to solve them, we should just notice them and then get distracted, leave the thought there and not pay attention or focusing to them, the more we focus on them the worsen they become, we’re stronger than those stupid fears my friend, believe me and remember that the OCD attacks what we want most and what we value most, and having those thoughts do not define us and say nothing about us! Remember we’re living with a doubting disorder. It will pass, if we don’t fight the thoughts they’ll not fight us, let them be there, don’t be focus on them and don’t be scared of them even tho they seem so real and so scary, because at the end of the day is just OCD that is doing his job, is just OCD that is liying to us, is just OCD that is tricking us, embrace the thoughts, sit with uncertainty, discomfort and the anxiety but don’t be scared and do compulsion because when we do compulsion and we are scared of them we overpower the OCD cycle and we make it stronger and bigger! Performing compulsions is like adding lighter fluid to a fire, they’re not our friends, they’re a false sense safety that will keep us stuck We cannot control what we are thinking, the brain produces thoughts all day long that we have no control over, the only control we have is our ability to respond to them, so just watch thoughts pop in and out your mind without resistance or attachment to them, without be fearful to them, and when they arrive simply notice them and accept them (remember accepting something doesn’t mean agreeing with it), accept them for the peace of your mind, they are not dangerous, they’re just thoughts, they’re just chemicals in our brain, they’re NOT our reality! Just because we think something doesn’t mean we are gonna make it, doesn’t mean is our reality. We have to believe in our actions not our thoughts! the will resides in the actions not in the thoughts!You’re strong, so strong my friend. I’m here if you need more help or support (Sorry if I made some grammatical mistakes but I’m not American, I’m writing to you from southern Italy) You’ll be better ♥️