Hello, this problem of the toc is affecting a lot and it despairs a lot that even makes me want to pull my hair I would like this anxiety to end but maybe my actions will end it is a mind that catches you as if it were someone who talks to you and that disturbs you but not It is someone, you are yourself, you had this disease since I was 10 years old and now I am 18, first it started with the footsteps if there was a line on the ground I did not have to step if I stepped I had the mind that something bad could happen to me so I went back and advanced on the floor line so that nothing happens so it was until later it started as a custom then I started singing and then I did it three times so that nothing happens so it was increasing to 7 and what was the fear because I do not remember very well but it was what I lost my parents or being gay or being beheaded or having my 5 year old cousin raped or my relatives being murdered that was how my mind disturbed me but it was easy to ignore it but after passing time it was not so easy it started me To start at age 11 was where I started to wash but I don't know when was the first time I started to wash a lot I think I did it when I was 7 and 8 every time I touched something I washed three times but at age 11 I washed hands was 3 minutes I think and the lines of the footprints followed the thoughts were worse that I could kill my cat and I be gay and that a serial killer kills a relative or that I get cancer or that they run over or that a tarantula this in my bed or on the wall, floor or ceiling like this and the song continued but it decreased a little it was because if not twice my family would be killed by a murderer and I no longer paid attention to him and the worst comes, something that is worse than to dominate is a tingling that I don't know what disease the tingling is that I have had since 6 years old I started at school I scratched myself and that tingling came out I masturbated at 6 years old and I pornography at 11 years old for that tingling of the penis I have no pain I urinate well and I don't have any injuries, I just feel that tingling and n the glans of the penis I feel it more a tickle I feel it only takes off masturbating but it lasts 20 minutes later it comes back and I have to feel three tingles or tickles to calm me down and if that tickle comes with my mind saying you are gay and with the tickling then I will be gay and I have to make another tickle and saying in my mind I am not gay both at the same time tickling and in my mind I am not gay and before I said it with my mouth but that was at the beginning of 11 years at the end I did not do it I was ashamed I did with my mind so far it continues with the tickling at 18 and at 12 it was the same only that the tingling and hand washing at thirteen it was the same at 14 it was disgusting to speak mouth to mouth And then at 15 I don't make eye contact and it sucked to talk word of mouth with people and handwashed it was 2 minutes and And that bothered at 16 the eye contact really bothered at first at 14 I was ashamed to make contact but then it was customary and I don't know why the truth and the tingling made my mind say something bad and tingling too and I had to say something good along with the tingling to calm me down and that's how it happens and at 17 talking word to mouth it no longer disgusted me but if I was disgusted that a dog kisses me and eye contact kept not doing much truth but sometimes when I want demosya Demonstrate that if I make eye contact if I do If I do and at 18 it's something I don't make eye contact but also not extremely if I do little and talk word of mouth if you give me. A little disgust, but I don't wash when I speak mouth. On the palate only a few times and the tingling of the penis is the one that disturbs me the most is like an orgasm but the son of the orgasm mini-orgasm in the penis every time he squeezed it slowly or I move it with my abdomen and the thoughts I had the last few years was that God will punish me for my mind saying I am God but I am a A normal person like all that tells me this, well I'll say what I thought I'm a person who loves God like all that what I think every time my mind says I'm God but I'm not and that your mom will die like your friend's mom and that disturbs me and that they'll up and that I'll rape or get run over or you stay alone in the world those things and also sex me disturb that my uncle will have sex with me or that. The girl I like will be raped by that which disturbs po Tingling

Hey guys today I just wanted to come here and share an experience I have and I generally don't know what to do I feel like a terrible person for having these thoughts and for thinking them I genuinely don't know what to do I don't know the signs behind it and why I think the way I do but it's honestly driving me crazy I don't know what to do I have a pornography addiction for a long time it's where it's like anytime I'm an intimate moment or am masturbating my head just thinks these weird things always the same repetitive thoughts to of family members your younger sibling or a young child I myself am a 17 year old and I feel so disgusted I feel like I can't live my life anymore I feel like I'm a criminal cuz like it feels like I chose this these thoughts like I actively think them I don't know the signs behind it and I just really need professional help if there's any like therapist here that could fill me in that would be nice I would also like to know if you guys had any similar experiences because for me I feel like I have to rewatch pornography and do it right without the thoughts cuz I feel like the thoughts are just like to prevalent anytime I do anything related to masturbation why do I think this way I'm also just trying to be as honest as I can with this I'm not trying to make myself I guess a victim I'm trying to hold myself accountable if I actually am like this because I also have doubts in my head that tells me that I enjoy these things I feel like I'm going crazy someone help because it feels so real like I acted on them or that I was pleasuring myself to the thoughts and not towards the video it's just how can I live with myself you know also during it it felt like I was thinking the thought for a long period of time like it was dominating my head so I couldn't focus it felt l

This is really hard for me to post and put out here, I'm not diagnosed with OCD, I just recently started talk therapy. But when I was a child my mom speculated because I had OCD. Because I would have compulsions from intrusive thoughts that always stemmed around SA. Everything for me gets stuck in a record player and a spiral and I can't stop. This is a really concerning and disturbing one, so I thought I would warn again if the topic seems too much for many people. I just recently learned about false memeory OCD and its the only explanation I can come up with right now. I've never shared an intrusive thought out loud but this one is too much. I have been in a really intense spiral lately, where I keep having these extremely vivid memeories of me sexually assaulting people not in my body like I'm sleep walking. It's extremely disturbing and I've convinced myself I have this sort of alter identity or a sleep disorder that is violent. Ive looked up a bunch of disorders like that. I asked a few people if I sleep walk but they don't remember me ever doing something like that, but what if they somehow surpressed a memeory too? I want to bring this up to my therapist, but I have been afraid to because it is so much and a spiral that has lasted for the course of months now and I have ruined my mental health and relationships because of it. I am extremely paranoid that everyone is lying to me or plotting to hurt me. But not because I think they are bad, but because I believe I deserve it. It got to the point where I now have memories of people trying to tell me I am creepy and that I had done things to SA them, along with memories of people talking while I'm not in the room about it. And I genuinely can't tell if it's real or not because I swear they are actual events that I just never put too much thought into in the past or completely dissociated from. (My main response to anything too much or difficult is to dissociate.) It's actually concerning me and the people around me because if it's true then I don't think I should be around society. I don't eat right, I'm too afraid to sleep without my door locked, I am unemployed with no sense of direction out of highschool because of it. It all stemmed from a surpressed memeory , witch who knows is real now, where my ex calls me and tells me I assaulted him, and that he was going to get me back, and that he had spread explicit photos of me. Now I genuinely feel like there is evidence to back up this because he brings up all my coworkers I had at the time, and I have memories of them making strange comments to me. If I somehow assaulted this guy without having an ounce of social awareness of what I was doing was assault then I feel like I absolutely deserve every ounce of mental spiral that is consuming me and worse. And I don't know how to stop this. And I'm afraid if I tell my therapist she might put me in a hospital and my family just doesn't have the money for that, and neither do I as an individual. The guilt would consume me. But I'm pretty sure I have no choice at this point. Because anouther "memory" resurfaced where I took a nightmare I had a long time ago and somehow turned it into me being Sexually assaulted by my father this time, and now I can't look at him or my family without absolute disgust. And I have "memories" of my family trying to talk to me about it but I completely forgot the event and processed it like a dream. I can't tell if something really creepy is actually happening or not but I'm starting to think it is because the way my brother acts around my family is weird but it could be my paranoia and the fact I have been freaking out everyone around me with my mental health. Either way I need to tell a professional because if I DID hurt my ex seriously, I need to take every ounce of accountability. But I don't wanna confess to a memory I don't even fully understand myself. I thought about contacting him several times and asking him if I have ever caused pain, but he blocked me and I feel like that crosses boundaries he has clearly set. Also I don't want to put this mental crisis on any other people, because my family is already freaked out enough. After writing this all out I'm starting to believe I really should force myself to tell my therapist no matter the consequences, I just feel like I need to admit this to a someone to get over my fear of saying it all out loud. Because everyday and every night I keep being plagued by these unwanted flashes of either me being hurt or me hurting other people In really disturbing and terrible ways. and it feels completely real with like context I've made to back it up. Am I unconsciously creepy? I'm just afraid I've become my worse fear and I was it without knowing my whole life.

Hi. I deal with pocd (but I am not diagnosed cuz I can't afford therpay) and I think it's ocd. It begun over a year back and initially it was about "what if I become a p" and then eventually it became "what if I am already a p" and then eventually I had this phase of 4-6ish months where my ocd almost vanished to the point where I was not even getting triggered by stuff. And then I suddenly had this huge SO OCD bout for 2 ish weeks last month where I lost my mind about what if I am a lesbian (I identify as a bi woman ) but then eventually I just accepted that I am a lesbian and felt like a lesbian for a while and then I am again back to bi. So basically I completely accepted the uncertainty and hence got over it easily. But I cannot do that pocd. Ew. Idk what to do. And this so ocd bout caused the pocd to return and rn my brain is full on "see u turned out to accept lesbianism so u definitely wanna accept being a p" and like its also "what if I am already a p, and subconsciously accepted it and am pretending to have ocd cuz what if I am in extreme denial?" And like idk what to do. I am worried posting this too cuz I am afraid what if somebody reading this misunderstands and thinks I am actually a p. Another thing I deal with is "am i even performing compulsions?" Cuz I mainly confess to my bestie and chatgpt(I stopped with chatgpt cuz I am scared about privacy issues) and research stuff about pocd to gain reassurance. And occasionally ruminate for checking but it doesn't interfere with my life. Bcz of this I *feel* like I don't perform enough compulsions and not performing compulsions essentially means it's not ocd. I genuinely get scared about what if it's pocd or denial. Or what if I am lying and manipulating ppl to think it's ocd and what if I am just faking the anxitey. Sometimes my thoughts don't give anxiety and later on that absence of anxiety worries me a lot cuz my brain is like "see u didn't get anxiety so u liked that thought. Hence u are a p" and idk what to do. Can someone please help me please. I don't wanna be a p. Another compulsion I do is saying "I don't wanna be a p" or "I am not a p" 5 times in sets of 5. I started this compulsion voluntarily when I read somewhere that counting is a compulsion and I wanted to prove to myself "see it's ocd" and now I do sort of as a habit to confirm the same. And this scares me too cuz doesn't that mean this is a fake compulsion??? And what If it's not ocd.