- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
I can handle harm ocd and suicide ocd but accepting the uncertainity of this is just impossoble for me. Anytime I hear people say anything about "oh its okay to be a bad person" my mind immediately goes "even pedos!" Or if i watch a movie about people having weird sexual fantasies brain throws in "including pedophilia!" And the fact that I accept that coming in and out just feels wrong. I feel desensitized
- Date posted
- 5y
It is desensitization but its inevitable with how the brain works. Repeated exposures always leads to that My suggestion is to think outside of a “good” “bad” dicotomy if that makes sense? Just be yourself and focus on your true values and what you truly want in life and trust in that, rather than focus on our anxieties and the actions we do to avoid our thoughts
- Date posted
- 5y
And I get groinals from seeing kids irl now and feel guilty being intimate with my bf like im trying to prove im not one. Im at a loss
- Date posted
- 5y
The groinals are in response to your anxiety, it’s a conditioning you created and it’s ok, just let them happen even if they’re uncomfortable as you grow accepting of them they stop happening or they diminish
- Date posted
- 5y
@Noobtruck1 I read your post earlier and You're really giving me hope
- Date posted
- 5y
@Noobtruck1 Im going to try ssris soon do you have any insight? Without reassurance of course
- Date posted
- 5y
@Iwashere I find that ssris kind of just made me sleepy, and in general medications will just numb you out. Will it be a worthwhile trade to you to numb all your emotions or to deal with sometimes intense anxiety and fear. I found that for myself even if it was rough we are able to outlast and overcome the extremity of our ocd But we all function differently so maybe medication can be better for you than it was me. I’d say just always monitor how you’re feeling on them and discontinue them if they don’t work for you if you go that route. I
- Date posted
- 5y
@Noobtruck1 Yeah ive been scared about it for a while, but I have had extreme mood swings and fear I think if I had something to at least get that under control I could handle therapy better
- Date posted
- 5y
@Iwashere As long as it is used in conjunction with therapy then it’s not a bad idea, pills don’t work the best in the long term on their own but alongside therapy they’re great
- Date posted
- 5y
I have these same thoughts too! Like why don’t I have anxiety maybe I am a pedo. I try not to say “ it’s OCD “ because it might not be and I could be a pedo...idk I have to not reassure myself of anything and live with the uncertainty that maybe I am or maybe I’m not. We shall see. In the meantime I’m going to do my best to live my life with my values. Doesn’t mean that the the thoughts or fear goes away but I invite them along with me as I live my life. But I’m uncertain all I can do is be. Youve got this Peace to you!
- Date posted
- 5y
It’s a very scary midpoint in pocd, what’s likely happened is that you’ve just habituated to the thoughts and you likely are stressed physically or emotionally just it’s dulled and you don’t recognize it The panic that you have felt is a sign that you’re a normal person even if it is torturous
Related posts
- Date posted
- 21w
Whenever anyone starts to feel like their thoughts are less triggering or they feel a moment of happiness/ relief OCD tells you that you want the thoughts back or you actually like having the thoughts and maybe thats just the person I really am? I feel like im going insane😢
- Date posted
- 20w
It is not the thoughts or urges that scare me anymore. It is the way I feel like I’ve absorbed the compulsions into my identity :( I am doing them so automatically that it feels like I am choosing them freely and they’re me. and because of that, it feels like I AM the OCD now, not just someone with OCD. I think I’m just deeply trapped in a loop. I was trying to survive unbearable fear so I started scanning. Then I started pre-scanning. Then checking if I pre-scanned. Then I check how I feel during all that. I run to beat my OCD to the “punchline” (intrusive thought, urge, sensation) because I’m so scared all the time. So scared that I don’t even feel it anymore. I feel numb and all that’s left is this jittery residue and numbness. Now it’s all tangled together in a huge knot. I feel so extremely lost. I think this may just be meta OCD, but I’ve never ever felt so gone before :( I’m really scared.
- Real Events OCD
- Young adults with OCD
- Mid-life adults with OCD
- Religion & Spirituality OCD
- BIPOC with OCD
- Students with OCD
- POCD
- Harm OCD
- Date posted
- 17w
Why am I not anxious? Like at all anymore? Is it because I'm really avoiding and trying not to think of the consequences that come from possibly being a pdfile? Is the only thing that is worrying me about it is the consequences then does it mean that I really am one? But I never masturbated to the thought of a child and actively seeked it. It came as intrusive thoughts while I was doing it yes I've had them when I see kids yes and I question and check a lot if I'm attracted to them and its just confusing me, I know I'll never do anything to hurt a child and I don't even like the idea of becoming a pdfile then why am I not anxious enough about it? The thoughts are just distressing obsessive I feel disgusting and Id say I still do compulsions but I don't know something just doesn't feel right. I don't feel anything and no real attraction to anyone or anything anymore. I just feel so disgusting and I just want to be normal but then again I pretty much did this to myself. It's weird to me I know there isn't a real indication I'm a pdfile and past experiences pretty much prove that and I've always been attracted to older guys so why is this happening now? Why am I getting these thoughts now especially right after I was trying to fix this sexual obsession/tension I had for older guys. Is my brain just leaving one thing to love and be obsessed about and going to the other? I'm really really just confused. Not anxious just distressed confused and uncomfortable. Like I want to throw up but I don't feel intense anxiety in my chest it feels like maybe I haven't processed what's going on properly. I'm genuinely so confused and I don't want to have this stay in my mind. Sometimes I just miss my ex so much because at the time I've felt something I felt so much things even though I had really bad rocd. I just miss loving people again and being alive again. I'm so scared and confused right now can anyone explain to me what is this? I genuinely just want to understand what I'm feeling or thinking because its not making sense to me
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