I get this feeling of supression of emotions where I no longer feel anxiety over the intrusive thoughts and no longer can cry and even though Im distressed I don't feel physical anxiety. It makes me question if I'm accepting that I am a P. Then I remember that trying to make yourself feel anxious on purpose will inherently make you not feel anxious! I dont speak to a psych for meds till monday but I feel like an imposter thats using OCD as an excuse. Repeating "its OCD" doesn't help and I know its because its a compulsion. I'm at a loss

Iwashere

Date posted: 5y

I can handle harm ocd and suicide ocd but accepting the uncertainity of this is just impossoble for me. Anytime I hear people say anything about "oh its okay to be a bad person" my mind immediately goes "even pedos!" Or if i watch a movie about people having weird sexual fantasies brain throws in "including pedophilia!" And the fact that I accept that coming in and out just feels wrong. I feel desensitized

Norf

Date posted: 5y

It is desensitization but its inevitable with how the brain works. Repeated exposures always leads to that My suggestion is to think outside of a “good” “bad” dicotomy if that makes sense? Just be yourself and focus on your true values and what you truly want in life and trust in that, rather than focus on our anxieties and the actions we do to avoid our thoughts

Iwashere

Date posted: 5y

And I get groinals from seeing kids irl now and feel guilty being intimate with my bf like im trying to prove im not one. Im at a loss

Norf

Date posted: 5y

The groinals are in response to your anxiety, it’s a conditioning you created and it’s ok, just let them happen even if they’re uncomfortable as you grow accepting of them they stop happening or they diminish

Iwashere

Date posted: 5y

@Noobtruck1 I read your post earlier and You're really giving me hope

Iwashere

Date posted: 5y

@Noobtruck1 Im going to try ssris soon do you have any insight? Without reassurance of course

Norf

Date posted: 5y

@Iwashere I find that ssris kind of just made me sleepy, and in general medications will just numb you out. Will it be a worthwhile trade to you to numb all your emotions or to deal with sometimes intense anxiety and fear. I found that for myself even if it was rough we are able to outlast and overcome the extremity of our ocd But we all function differently so maybe medication can be better for you than it was me. I’d say just always monitor how you’re feeling on them and discontinue them if they don’t work for you if you go that route. I

Iwashere

Date posted: 5y

@Noobtruck1 Yeah ive been scared about it for a while, but I have had extreme mood swings and fear I think if I had something to at least get that under control I could handle therapy better

Norf

Date posted: 5y

@Iwashere As long as it is used in conjunction with therapy then it’s not a bad idea, pills don’t work the best in the long term on their own but alongside therapy they’re great

AllTheMaybes...

Date posted: 5y

I have these same thoughts too! Like why don’t I have anxiety maybe I am a pedo. I try not to say “ it’s OCD “ because it might not be and I could be a pedo...idk I have to not reassure myself of anything and live with the uncertainty that maybe I am or maybe I’m not. We shall see. In the meantime I’m going to do my best to live my life with my values. Doesn’t mean that the the thoughts or fear goes away but I invite them along with me as I live my life. But I’m uncertain all I can do is be. Youve got this Peace to you!

Norf

Date posted: 5y

It’s a very scary midpoint in pocd, what’s likely happened is that you’ve just habituated to the thoughts and you likely are stressed physically or emotionally just it’s dulled and you don’t recognize it The panic that you have felt is a sign that you’re a normal person even if it is torturous

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