When doing sexual things (tmi, I’m sorry) with my boyfriend, I often get stressed. I have thoughts like, “you don’t like this. You’re not turned on my him. You’ll never like sex. Someone could do it better. You’re a lesbian because you don’t like this.” I believe these are intrusive thoughts, but I don’t know what to do about them. I don’t want to stop doing things with him, but these thoughts often keep me from enjoying it. What should I do? Erp?

Yeah it sucks. Sometimes I somehow convince myself that all these feeling are true. I know they aren’t.

@brooka me too. it’s making me so anxious to actually go through with erp cause it’s telling me that i’m just in denial and i’m gonna find my true self when i do it

@Anonymous Go through erp ! It won’t show that you’re in denial. This is actually supposed to calm down the thoughts. Being afraid of being in denial is also ocd. But I understand where you’re coming from !

@brooka i know!! it jsut feels like i’m fighting w my mind and it’s so depressing. but i definitly am trying to bring less attention to the thoughts it’s just so hard

@Anonymous Sometimes I have thoughts were I think I like thinking like this, and that I “don’t have ocd and I’m just in denial.” This in itself is also an intrusive thought. Ocd is literally called the “doubting disease,” for a reason. We’ve both got this and we’ll get through it !

@brooka That’s how I’ve been feeling.... testing my feelings over and over again didn’t help... 😞 I say I love him everyday and buy him yummy snacks. But right now I don’t feel as attracted to him bc of theses feelings.. I feel like I’m in denial... 😞 remember the time where my brain would judge him without me really saying anything then for the past 4 months it’s been bad... 😞 I really feel like I don’t wanna have sex with him anymore when I do wanna be with him that way.. it sucks...

I am nervous to tell him 😞

Is he willing** not “if he’s willing”

He knows I have ocd. I might try that!

@pureolife He knows I’ve been depressed. He’s been trying to help me feel better. I’ve gone through this before with him and he helped me through it before but we didn’t do erp. My friend has been helping but is running out of ways to help so I avoid talking to her about it anymore..

@Mandy7710 Then dont! That’s absolutely fine. Go with the script idea. Write out a script of the worst thoughts and feelings you get. Make it first person and present tense (ie “we start to make out and I think X.”) about 1 page is usually a good length. Re read this script 20x a day for a week (without persoming compulsions during or after) and see if you feel less triggered by sex then. If it’s less anxiety provoking but still bothersome, give it another week.

@pureolife I love that idea 🤩

@pureolife Been paranoid about working and going out bc I am nervous being around men which I was never before 😞 every little thought that’s poppin my head is giving me a panic attack...

@Mandy7710 Avoidance only reinforces your fear: stop avoiding! Let the thoughts be there and don’t let ocd control your actions. If you keep practicing this, the thoughts will eventually lose power. But if you keep avoiding, they will only get stronger.

Your brain will keep doing that. But you can choose to not test and you can choose to ignore those nit picks and let him do things the way he wants and not the way your ocd wants.

@pureolife But I just feel like I feel nothing... I feel love for anyone around me... I was able to make out with him last night but I felt nothing... 😞😞 We had a great time watching a movie and cuddling. ❤️ I could say I know I love him but today it feels different... I know I don’t wanna break up but I feel like it won’t end...

@pureolife I got excited a little bit when I was able to make out with him.

@Mandy7710 It will keep feeling like nothing if you keep analyzing each interaction and if you keep up with hyper vigilance towards your feelings. Feelings can’t perform naturally when they’re being scrutinized like we do with ocd. They shut down and retreat. The desire to break up in this case is a compulsion because it’s a desire to end the uncertainty and discomfort you feel for your relationship and not an actual desire to stop being with your partner directly. Feel nothing for awhile! Have a bad time! And allow that to be normal and expected. If you can sit with that doubt and discomfort but continue to live your relationship without compulsions to get rid of those feelings, they will eventually fade on their own. And your feelings can start acting a little more natural again.

@pureolife It’s hard to feel this way... I use to love making love to him before it got this bad... 😭 I am so depressed... when I say I know I wanna be with him I get a thought and feeling saying you know you don’t wanna be with him... 😭 I had a migraine from all this thinking... 😭

@Mandy7710 Have you done any erp yet? Nothing is going to change until you get to work!

@pureolife I’m scared to do erp... what if I find out it truly is me? 😞 I already feel like it’s me enough already 😞

@Mandy7710 You’re worried of being uncertain or unhappy: but that’s a state you’re already in! What you’re doing now IS NOT working. Why wouldn’t you try something new that is shown to be highly effective for over 80% of people with ocd?

@Mandy7710 I’d suggest this article for motivation as well: https://battlingtheocddemon.wordpress.com/2014/11/04/erp-works-so-why-wont-you-do-it/amp/

@pureolife It’s fear... 😞 I’m scared...

@Mandy7710 Listen to her, she’s right. I struggle with this too, i understand. But it won’t get any better unless you try!

@Mandy7710 If you wait to do erp only when you aren’t scared you’ll never do it and you’ll never get better.

@pureolife .....I’ll call Monday.. I have a number for a behavioral specialist... 😞

@Mandy7710 Good job taking this important step 👏🏻 👏🏻 👏🏻

@pureolife Thank you... 😞 I think I’m having anxiety right now... 😞 I feel like I really wanna end my relationship right now....😞 😢