I'm lowkey afraid that I might kill myself. Yesterday, I had really bad thoughts about different ways to kill myself to the point it was hard to concentrate on my studies. I have days where I don't want to kill myself and days that I deserve to die. I just feel very hopeless about the future.

From few days I am getting thought that how i would hurt a child but now I am not feeling anxious like I used feel when I used have such kind of thoughts usually I used to have panic attacks and felt extremely anxious. But now I don't feel anything like that ? Now I feel like I am a bad person who would not feel bad if I hurt a child. What's going on can anyone tell me. I feel I will kill myself because I don't want to hurt anyone?

So I and my mom got into this big fight yesterday and I said some things I didn't mean to say to her and she said some things and I know what I said was bad but what she said cut deep in me because Even though what I said to her wasn't good her words hurt because going through wat om going through rn is honestly the worst thing a human can go through my worries and fears now all of a sudden now become feeling of Suicide and self-harm and honestly she's right because at this point I'm at a dead end and there's no going back I didn't tell her what was actually going on with me because I know she will never look at me the same and growing up with parents that are Gen x back in the day mental illness is a fucking joke to them apparently and is not taken seriously not all of them are like this but I know a few now I've been thinking about offing myself I don't think I'm gonna make it I'm really struggling.

Does anyone else experience this lingering fear and anxiety because they think they’re capable of hurting someone? It’s killing me. I feel like I’m such a danger. I feel like I’m a predator. I feel like this awful person and I can’t shake it. I want to carry on with my day but I can’t. I don’t feel like I deserve it. I feel like I’ve done awful things. I can’t stop crying.