Today I'm trying my hardest to just feel joy and be grateful for all that I have but my thoughts keep coming back. One in particular that is about my niece. I would never do anything to her but my thoughts make me question myself. I hate these thoughts and groinal response. I don't want this anymore I just want to be free. Am I a bad person? I try to be around friends and listen to music but my mind just keeps going back to what I fear most. I never went to a therapist before so I've never been fully diagnosed but I am for certain that this is not me. I know I'm a good person and my thoughts and false feelings are not what I want. If it's OCD it sucks and my heart goes to everyone who's going through this. I want help I want to talk to someone but I'm scared of getting judged. My mom doesn't think I need help or medication but at this point I don't think I have a choice. I just want to feel better and enjoy the life God gave me.

What you just said. Is exactly what I went through. EXACTLY. I posted something that might help you but on the main page. It has to do with porn usage and escalation. If you can’t find it I can help you as much as I can since I’ve been in your shoes with my little brother.... thought I was going crazy and felt like a bad person but finally realized it was OCD. Now I have no more thoughts, just regular ones but I’m afraid I might have another episode so I’m still going to therapy to help prevent that.

It's absolutely torture but knowing that someone understands helps. One second I feel like nothing could bring me down and I feel on top of the world, the next the thoughts and feelings come back and then I get stuck in it and I start freaking out. I'm so happy for you that you found breakthrough that gives me much hope. Thank you for reaching out. I hope one day I can get the help I need right now it seems impossible

Think about the information you put in your head. For a while you’ve probably watched bad gory shows... crime shows... R rated movies.. the News.. if you stay away from all that for a while you brain starts to form new emotions/new ideas/thinking patterns. It’s amazing what the brain can do, it’s like a computer. Wipe out all the bad memory out, and fill it with positive ones. That will be all you can think of. It takes patience though

I know exactly what triggered mine. I watched a sex scene of two men on American horror story and after watched the movie JOKER in the theater. It caused me to overthink and go into survival mode. I was afraid of cartoons..big bang theory.. couldn’t look people in the eyes.. then slowly it all came back, your brain will get bored of being scared it just varies per person

Yup it’s going to feel impossible, you start asking yourself “Am I going to be like this forever?” It’s no way to live But one day it will all just go away. But I have a theory that porn has to a way of manipulating your sexuality and perception of things. Stay away from porn, it can escalate to more taboo ideas when regular porn doesn’t do it for you anymore

I used to watch porn a long time ago and I feel like it has ruined me. But I gave it up because of my religion too. I never want to to the things that come up in my mind but it feels so real. I hate it with a passion

I don't really watch anything bad but in the past I might have that could of triggered it. Real lift situations and conversations trigger it. But I will definitely try that and practice positive thinking instead of the negative or worst.

I totally get what you mean. I sure hope so 😔