My biggest fear is subtly molesting my daughter. Like not outright and blatantly, but like subtly. if that makes sense. Like taking advantage of diaper changes and baths for my own quiet sexual satisfaction. That is my biggest fear/obsession. My biggest compulsion is avoidance of washing her in the bath. My therapist says to wash her deliberately and slowly with no mental reviewing or thought suppression, or avoidance or anything. He even suggests purposely triggering groinals. I haven’t had the courage to do any of this. However the other night, I did. I thought I was going to wash her without any avoidance. But then my brain said “ooo yes take advantage of this situation. You can use this to get any weird urge you may have had in the past out of your system” and I didn’t have any anxiety about this thought, and I continued to wash her regardless. I feel terrible!!!! I’m overcome with so much guilt. I feel like these thoughts were the motivation behind my action. Where do you draw the line? I am so distressed.

Hi NOCD community, I was hoping to get some advice from fellow sufferers. In December we welcomed the first baby into the family, my beautiful niece. Since then, my POCD has been awful, which I know is probably very normal. Last week, in the middle of a very high stress day in my family, I was changing my niece and as usually happens, I got intrusive thoughts about awful things people do to babies when changing them. The thoughts were so harrowing to have as I was also changing her at the exact same time, and I felt my hands just quickly want to finish patting her dry before putting her nappy on, and for some reason, my heart dropped with that hand movement, because I was afraid that I had acted out the awful thoughts in my head, in a moment of mania because my morals, values and heart do not align with abuse of any kind, especially to children. My niece is my everything, and I know I would never want harm to come to her in any way, shape or form. I love her endlessly. I am having therapy, but have only had a couple of sessions. But, I cannot shake the 'what if'. I am tortured over trying to remember what it was I did that made my heart drop, but I can't, and its getting fuzzier and fuzzier the more I try to remember. Could anyone offer any advice on this please? Thank you.

I had to give my daughter a bath and wanted to help my wife bear the responsibility also read online pocd to not avoid bathing. I told myself I am going to bathe my child because im a good dad. As i bathed her i went to wipe her arms and torso. I was going to get her armpit and arm but with the sponge I wiped her chest erogenous area. Then i got anxious and did a compulsion and said “im sorry”. Then ocd said whyd i wipe there ni shouldve wiped her arm or armpit. Was i doing anything inappropriate. Or ocd said not to wipe there and I did so did i do anything inappropriate or with inappropriate intent. I hate having pocd and living parallel with this voice in my head. I know my intention wasnt inappropriate i even prep talked before and did the compulsion of apologizing after wiping. Now im questioning whyd i wipe there first before her arms and armpit since ocd told me to avoid her chest. Then i worry did i have ocd intrusive thought saying i wanted to wipe there and if i had this thought and i wiped there than it means i acted on the thought. I know i wouldnt do anything inappropriate to my child and i know my intent wasnt wrong.

TW! please someone comment When I was 12 or 13 I used to babysit a little girl, she had a habit of keeping her hand in her diaper and was always touching herself, there was one point I was changing her diaper and noticed she was really red. I had separated her private parts and checked the inner area for signs of infection. She was okay, just some really really bad diaper rash. I know this is what happened yet my brain is trying to convince me that I hurt her, and that I wanted to do it, I know I would never hurt a child but with all the anxiety I feel when I think about it I'm starting to wonder if I did do it because I wanted to hurt her, I don't wanna be a p, I don't wanna hurt innocent children, I used to never have these thoughts but now I do and I'm so scared to tell my therapist as she hasn't diagnosed me with ocd yet. I don't want her to think I'm a p nor do I wanna hurt kids, but my brain keeps telling me that I do and that I'm just lying to myself and everyone around me, ik I would never do something that could harm a child but I keep getting these thoughts and their inappropriate and I just want them to stop, does anyone have any tips on how to help myself? I keep turning to my boyfriend for reassurance but ik that that's just a quick fix and that ill be spiraling about it again.Please help