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Jbm421

Date posted: 4y

Fuck you OCD for making me doubting you and fearing the worst. Fml...

Ihateocd83

Date posted: 4y

You alrite mate ?

Jbm421

Date posted: 4y

I'm ok-ish bro. Too many thoughts even though I know it's all bullshit. But working on my computer so I'm not held down by one thought which is actually a good thing. I hate OCD

Jbm421

Date posted: 4y

I can know how bullshit this whole thing is all I want but my mind will find a way to defeat me.

Ihateocd83

Date posted: 4y

Im struggling like fuck. My mind somehow tells me i dont like pussy. I want to kill myself 😞

Jbm421

Date posted: 4y

Dude, never ever with that shit. That's never the answer even with this crap hanging over your head. Are you safe???

Ihateocd83

Date posted: 4y

I dont want to lose my family 😞

Jbm421

Date posted: 4y

You won't bro. Keep the faith. I'm in the same boat. It seems hopeless but that doesn't mean hope is lost.

Ihateocd83

Date posted: 4y

I just cant control my thoughts. I say stuff that doesnt make sense or. Like my ideal man ... and then i get an image ive said it a few times 😞

Ihateocd83

Date posted: 4y

You there mate ?

Jbm421

Date posted: 4y

I'm here. Those are intrusive thoughts. They are the bitchiest of bitches because they feel like you make them. My mind did it a few times in the past hour. Some of it turned my stomach and made me feel really scared. It never ends.

Ihateocd83

Date posted: 4y

Do you say stuff in your head when getting the thoughts ?

Jbm421

Date posted: 4y

Yeah. Its terrible.

Ihateocd83

Date posted: 4y

Its so confusing mate

Jbm421

Date posted: 4y

I'm in hell.

Ihateocd83

Date posted: 4y

Its ok mate we will get through it. Have you still got loss of attraction ?

Jbm421

Date posted: 4y

Yeah. Its really inconsistent. For days I cant feel anything for any chick but then I'll have a day where every other girl is hot. Then if a chick is hot but I still feel nothing I freak out. I just got caught up at looking at nudes pics of girls and it got me nice but the intrusive thoughts are always not far away.

Ihateocd83

Date posted: 4y

I know love pussy but my mind goes eww and i get a feeling in my stomach and chest

Jbm421

Date posted: 4y

The intrusive thoughts from looking the pics of the girls killed me. It was just pics of chicks that weren't exciting me as much as others. But now I'm done. I feel like a total gay dude. Fuck my life!!!

Ihateocd83

Date posted: 4y

Your not mate its just a phase this will pass

Jbm421

Date posted: 4y

Don't even know why its bothering me so much. I wanked it to some sexy ass bitches after but my mind is stuck on the bullshit.

Ihateocd83

Date posted: 4y

I find its just seems to be a cycle of the same kind of thoughts

Jbm421

Date posted: 4y

...and it never ends

Ihateocd83

Date posted: 4y

Can i ask .. do you actually feel gay sometimes where you kind of accept it. But you know you still dont want it

Jbm421

Date posted: 4y

I never accept it. That's just fucked. But I do get that terrible "i just turned feeling". Its terrible.

Ihateocd83

Date posted: 4y

Yeah thats horrible. Thats what we are suppose to do isnt it accept it ?

Ihateocd83

Date posted: 4y

dont try and push the thoughts out ?

Jbm421

Date posted: 4y

Yes, accept the thought as thoughts. If you push them away, they come back harder.

Jbm421

Date posted: 4y

I've been at this so long bro, I don't even know if I can beat this. 😢

Ihateocd83

Date posted: 4y

We can mate. When did yours all start ?

Jbm421

Date posted: 4y

I've been at this for 10 years but it will kind of die out or fade into the background for s few years then come back strong. This latest episode started around July.

Ihateocd83

Date posted: 4y

Yeah mine got really bad because i think coming off my medication done me no favours. I only really had the attraction and grional responses which i was dealing with now its just blew up in my face. nearly 16 years ive been at this and its just got worse. Do you think sometimes your talking acting or even look gay ?

Jbm421

Date posted: 4y

Yeah I get that. It's stupid but I get sometimes.

Jbm421

Date posted: 4y

16 years. Wow man.

Ihateocd83

Date posted: 4y

Like just now i took a picture and i look gay im sure of it. Why is my mind doing this to me ? 🙈

Ihateocd83

Date posted: 4y

im nearly 38. Started at 22 after 1 thought 🤷‍♂️

Jbm421

Date posted: 4y

We cant ask why? Because we won't get answers. I'm 38 now. Mine started after a depression and obsessing about other things...

Jbm421

Date posted: 4y

I'm getting very upset bro. Went out for the first time today. Got triggered by a dude sure. It was mostly my mind doing the heavy lifting and a little bit of avoidance. Fine. But I've seen so many crazy hot women since I've been out. It makes me mad.

Ihateocd83

Date posted: 4y

What happened what were your thoughts ?

Jbm421

Date posted: 4y

Anger. Plus now in being triggered by a gay dude looking at me. Uh....

Jbm421

Date posted: 4y

Just the idea of even having any thought anywhere near this feels like shit. I'd rather spill hot coffee on my balls! Id rather be shot in the balls than having these thoughts much less have them come true.

Ihateocd83

Date posted: 4y

Remember mate its ok to find the same sex attractive. I freak out still when i see an attractive guy my anxiety goes up. I had to go back a couple of times to check and try and stop the thoughts. Guess thats the checking ?

Ihateocd83

Date posted: 4y

i would rather eat dog shit than get with i guy i know how you feel. But of course your mind trys to tell you different 🤷‍♂️

Jbm421

Date posted: 4y

Of course. When it's like this the mind is an asshole. Like right now, I'm watching some NBA archive commentary and my mind is trying to trigger to old dudes. Smfh... ...I'm gonna be good though. Celebrating my brother's beat tonight.

Jbm421

Date posted: 4y

@Jbm421 *Bday

Ihateocd83

Date posted: 4y

Ok mate have a good one

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moon0270

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Makes me feel like a horrible person

That's what OCD feels like. Especially the constant questioning and doubt and the more you do it, the more you doubt yourself and it ends up leaving you open for other 'attacks'. I left the house today with my mom to run errands and things were fine, like my intrusive thoughts weren't bothering me that much in the beginning though they're constant in the background. Then when we stopped to get a drink from this store before leaving, I got more anxious because there were lots of kids around (it's afternoon here and i guess school was coming out). Kids were walking around in school uniform and I just told myself to keep looking away because i knew that my intrusive thoughts were going to flare up. Obviously that just made it worse and I just wanted to run away and crawl into a hole or something. Then a few minutes passed and then my brain said what if you were leering at the kids or looking at them inappropriately. And then my brain kept telling me that I wanted to or must have filmed one of them even though it's not something I want to do and know deep down that I didn't do it and don't want to. Ever. I just felt so disgusted with myself, I had to stop myself from crying on the way home. I hate this disease and I hate that its made its home in my head.

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