Almost 6hrs of ERP and my anxiety is lowered but still not enough.

You don’t know me then. There’s nothing that I can do if I have to lose 50lbs in one day I’ll give it my all I might fail but I still would have given my all no matter what.

My whole day is basically torture. So yeah you’re probably right that’s why I’m not getting better but nothing I can do about it other than to be in ERP mode the whole day or leave my house and live somewhere where I can gradually do ERP but unfortunately it’s not that easy for me. My therapists rather be right of their diagnosis of me then to hear what I’m saying is the problem. So this is the best I can do.

@Issac11_fitforlife Trying to lose 50lbs in one day or doing 6 hours of erp just aren’t healthy. This isn’t a matter of you “trying” hard enough. You’re actually setting yourself up for failure by being unwilling to take a slow and steady approach. And my guess is that some ocd is behind this because ocd makes it very difficult to tolerate slow and steady progress. It wants immediate results. And that’s exactly the problem. I think you’ve seen that when you do things “your way” it’s not working. I think you should try listening to your therapist! They are a lot smarter than you seem to think. It sounds like from what you’ve said below you’re no longer seeing them. But if they gave you advice or homework to follow and you previously refused, nows the time to try it on your own. As far as hanging out with your brother for erp: try doing smaller spurts. Like 1 hour and then take a break. If you start small and go slow, you’ll actually work your way up to being comfortable around him for long stretches way faster than if you keep doing this erp overload (which is what we’d call flooding.) flooding is generally more traumatic than helpful.

@pureolife So are you suggesting to hang out with my brother for 1 hr and then go back to my room? You’re basically telling me by living in my home I’m basically overdoing my ERP. As far as doing the hw I do the hw. I’ll be seeing a psychiatrist in early November cuz that’s the earliest I can be seen by one. So basically I’m just supposed to ruminate in my room and what? Read a book for an hr? Then listen to music for an hr? Watch tv on my own for an hr? All of this is ERP just different stuff but it’s still overloading if I’m reading what your saying correctly.

@pureolife I did it there way too though. It’s not like my therapist came up to me at the OCD gamechangers to go take a break cuz I’m overloading right now.. she’s insisted if I start shaking to keep going till I stop so tell her that. I’ve done everything they ask me to do other than see a new psychiatrist to see whether or not I do have a psychotic disorder. Not once did they listened to me until I saw a different therapist and she was seeing what I had always explained and they completely ignored me till then. I kept saying things and they completely ignored it every time. So am I being a brat probably but that’s cuz they ignored me and completely disregarded me every time. So why should I think what she’s saying is right now?

@pureolife Also no. For the record her way made me shake in public places. If I’m having anxiety for women and I’m shaking then the ERP would to be looking at pictures of women. So I did that. What she wasn’t expecting was for me to get excited for women once the anxiety and weird thoughts came out and I stopped shaking and started getting erections for women. So had I continued to do it her way I would’ve continued shaking in public places. So my way was better than her way.

@Issac11_fitforlife Sorry Isaac but it’s very hard to follow everything you’re saying. I obviously can’t possibly know about every interaction you’ve had with a therapist. I’m not trying to dispute whoever may have misdiagnosed you in the past. What I’m saying is that if you were properly diagnosed with ocd and were seeing an ocd specialist (who knows how to treat ocd with mental compulsions, ie pure o) you should try listening to them. It sounds like you were seeing one and then you said you “cussed at them” and are no longer seeing them. And now are treating yourself with 6 hour exposures. Most specialists would tell you that’s too much and a formula for burnout. I am suggesting hanging out for an hour and then doing something else, yes. I’m NOT saying go back to your room to ruminate (that’s a compulsion and if you’re doing compulsions during or after an exposure you’re making it pointless because you aren’t doing the “response prevention” side of ERP.) I am also not saying living in your home is too much. I never said that and I’m not sure where you got it. I said to take breaks. That might mean going back to your room and meditating. That might mean taking a nice long walk alone. Something that isn’t an exposure. Just a chance to sit with the anxiety and let it pass on its own away from the trigger for a bit. Shaking is normal with anxiety and I understand that it’s very unpleasant. I’ve felt this too. The point is just to allow it without doing compulsions to make it stop. Because eventually it does stop on its own. Again I don’t know anything about your history, what you’ve said to therapists, what they’ve said to you, etc. But I do know what it’s like to have ocd and go through ERP treatment with an ocd specialist and recover. That’s where I’m coming from.

@pureolife Regardless it’s been 2 yrs. I thought I was working with an OCD specialist but I guess not. I quit my job cuz I was tired of what I was feeling and didn’t see the point of continuing since from what you’re telling me I shouldn’t have done in the 1st place. I’ve been in overload for more than a year then. My therapist never told me that I was in ERP for too long and never told me that working in a public place was bad for my recovery. So what should I do now then? Just mope around and not do nothing till I can be in a residential care? Should I try at all? Cuz all you’re telling me is that I should try but not for too long. Everywhere I go is an exposure including my own home so everything you’re telling me is basically I can’t recover until I leave. I feel a constant arousal and I’m doing everything to sit with the feelings. I have yet to find any relief. I mean now it’s like I was never doing any sort of therapy to recover and all my therapist was trying to do was to get me anxiety and it’s been 2 yrs. I guess I had a lousy therapist then. Cuz this ain’t recovery nor is it how I should be living by now so obviously she messed up and miscalculated. I’ve done what she has asked of me. Trying to live normally is all an exposure for me so I’m not understanding this break cuz I get no breaks I just don’t. In my room I get no breaks. Outside the house I get no breaks so what am I supposed to do? Unfortunately I don’t have the liberty to take a break cuz my OCD won’t and I’m unsure of how to get anxiety. I could lay in my bed and not do nothing and wait till I get anxiety but I’ve done it and have yet to experience anxiety only fucking depression no anxiety and a worsen anxiety arousal that’s it.

@pureolife Regardless I can’t take a break so unfortunately I’m in ERP mode 24/7 so I have to continue going. My break is only when I meditate which is when I wake up and go to sleep. This whole overload stuff doesn’t apply to me cuz unfortunately If I stop I have no one to pay for my therapy I have no one who will help me. I’m even in ERP as I’m writing this cuz I can feel an arousal just sitting in my room so don’t tell me I can take a break cuz I fucking can’t so I’m not going to just sit here and not do something about this. Your whole post of doing too much just pisses me off cuz I’m unfortunately not in a position to stop or start it is constant so I have to always keep going if I could take a break I would but I fucking can’t I have to keep going all the damn time so I’m sorry but the flooding and overdoing does not apply for my situation. Also you do know. Your low key suggestions suggest otherwise I don’t know who you are exactly but it doesn’t matter to me. I unfortunately can’t stop even if I wanted to. Do I have thoughts of going to my old football field to get away from life yes but that’s a sign of a bipolar disorder. But it’s a thought and I wouldn’t even be able to cry or do anything when I’m there cuz my emotions can only be brought on by triggers that catch my heart so even if I want to cry I can’t I just can’t. So I have to do what I have to do to survive.

@Issac11_fitforlife It sounds like your case is very severe and if you didn’t like your last therapist, I’d suggest trying a new one. I haven’t at any point told you that everything you’ve ever done is wrong. You’re really taking every statement I make and twisting it to mean something else. I offered up a small suggestion for a single ERP exercise to make it (1) less torturous and (2) more effective. Constantly being triggered is not the same thing as constantly doing ERP. My guess is that throughout your day you’re doing plenty of mental compulsions since that’s usually what fuels such constant levels of obsession. Try another therapist! Maybe you’ll find one you like more who makes you feel heard and properly cared for. It’s worth another shot. Good luck!

@pureolife I don’t need to be properly cared for I need one who isn’t going to push what I’m saying isn’t true when in fact it is. Shit if it is wrong put it on the fucking board and let’s find out? I’m not fucking scared. That was my issue. She wouldn’t put it on the board of what thoughts I’m saying are popping up to see how I feel about the thoughts and what the thoughts are making me lose out on life. I fucking told her to do it cuz she didn’t want to but I’m like I have nothing to lose other than to gain so fucking do it and she fucking didn’t. So how is that my fault?