Thought suppression is detrimental to recovering from ocd correct? Like say if my brain tells me to think of something, and I don’t want to, so I try to prevent the thoughts from entering. But then it does anyways, I end up feeling terrible. Or, even worse- if I just allow it, I feel guilty for allowing it, like I brought it on or didn’t do enough to stop it.

by trying to prevent the thoughts you are increasing the fear and anxiety that comes with them. pushing thoughts away doesnt work for long, cos we always end up thinking about what we don't want to think about. the goal is to let thoughts flow by, without reacting to them or figuring out what they could mean.

But why do I feel like I CAN control my thoughts? Like for example I was bathing my daughter and I was attempting* to practice erp. This is one of my triggers. I went to wash her and had the thought like “this is your chance to wash her and get any weird urges out of your system” - normally, If I had this thought I would then avoid washing her. A compulsion. This time,I fought the compulsion and I continued washing her, but then I had more thoughts, that I didn’t try to fight and I continued washing her regardless. Now I feel like the thoughts motivated my actions or influenced them. I feel like I Purposely brought on bad thoughts because I was “taking advantage” of the situation.

People cannot control what thoughts pop into their head. Thinking about killing my grandmother, or my cat, having sex with the baby next door, sinning etc... it can pop into my head anytime. I cant help it. No one can. Feeling guilty for something you cant control seems hard. This reminds me of my obsession about "If I think wrong thoughts I am a bad person". Maybe the idea that you should control your toughts is an obsession?

Sounds like progress to me! Well done for not giving in to your compulsions. 🖖 Figuring out if you control your thoughts, may it be another compulsion?