My HOCD is telling me that it’s okay to be attracted to my friends. I don’t want to be attracted to my friends. I just want to be a straight man whose attracted to women. No anxiety after 5 months. Kill me dude.

I just want somebody to relate to. I don’t want to be the only one with different symptoms. When I can’t find anyone going through the same thing I am my HOCD makes me think that I’m automatically gay or bisexual in denial. I hate that. These symptoms feel so real to the point where this HOCD makes me feel like I’m gay or bisexual in denial as well. It’s so scary to be dealing with this without people with similar situations. It makes me feel alone and scared. I just want to be straight. But this feels so real and I don’t want it to be. I was confident in my sexuality before this. I’m scared out of my mind.

My anxiety is also nearly gone which makes it feel like I want these thoughts. I was talking to my friends and we were making gay jokes. My anxiety was nearly gone and I was doing the whole “maybe maybe not” form of ERP. The lack of anxiety and this chill feeling in my chest made my HOCD go “you enjoy being gay and being attracted to your friends”

@SOOCD So the reassurance seeking or comfort you’re getting from posting is a compulsion. It only provides temporary relief, but reinforces the cycle of obsession you’re stuck in. You have to get rid of the compulsions to effectively manage your disorder.

Medication can be very effective and the experience of it varies from person-to-person. What one person’s experience is like is not necessarily indicative of what someone else’s may be. I think it’s always worth exploring!

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett The reduction of the compulsions for me is so hard to deal with. I’ve been doing erp, and accepting the thoughts with the “maybe, maybe not” logic that HOCD sufferers should do. I was doing great. Until this woman claimed that I was in denial, and now all the progress I had made is now gone.

@SOOCD It’s not lost. That’s like saying because I sprained my knee running a couple months ago that the preceding three months of exercise didn’t happen. The compulsions, or response-prevention, portion of ERP is arguably even more critical than the exposure. If you don’t reduce or eliminate them you can do exposures all you want:

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett Thank you Mr Cornett for your advice once again! I just wanted to ask you why OCD targets memories of your past to put you further into doubt. Especially with HOCD, POCD, and other types of OCD’s.

@SOOCD OCD works the same way every time. There’s the trigger (it can be handwashing, harming others or yourself, or anything at all) and rituals or compulsions. That’s it. Why this happens can be environmental or genetic, although the jury is out on exactly why it happens. OCD is a disorder at the level of the brain, that’s the only “why” OCD ever has. There’s no specific meaning or purpose to why it’s attached to any particular thing in conscious experience. It just is.

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett What type of medication would you use to counter these memories and thoughts per say? I’m thinking about using medication pretty soon but I don’t know how it works.

@SOOCD That’s a question best reserved for a psychiatrist or doctor. But here’s some information from the IOCDF: https://iocdf.org/about-ocd/ocd-treatment/meds/