myocdstory
- Date posted
- 4y
SadmanSadman
- Date posted
- 4y
I’m going through the same pics and false memories
SadmanSadman
- Date posted
- 4y
Thing *
myocdstorymyocdstory
- Date posted
- 4y
@Sadman Hi!! :( do you fear that you have done something wrong in the past you can't remember?
SadmanSadman
- Date posted
- 4y
@myocdstory Yeah like when I was younger I had a sexual encounter with my cousin like we didn’t touch parts but I think we kissed or something or we started like rubing each other ik so weird sorry if this triggers you. But now my mind it’s telling me I done it to my niece and I can’t get over it
myocdstorymyocdstory
- Date posted
- 4y
@Sadman No! It doesn't trigger me! It's OK!! Honestly, I get your fear but you were a kid and kids do weird things! I showered with my brother until I was 10 or something (he was 5)and yes! I'm super terrified I did something wrong I can't remember! That I touched him out of curiosity or something... I was very innocent kid at 10.
JojoJojo
- Date posted
- 4y
Hi. I too suffer from pcod. Mine started a couple weeks ago. I’ve always felt uncomfortable with this topic in the news media or when It’s been brought up in convos. When I was young like I’m elementary school I remember having a crush on a 4/5 year old little girl, like wanting to touch her. I was maybe 9 years old can’t quite remember, even then I remember feel uncomfortable my that and weird but of course i was a kid. So when I started getting these thoughts a couple of weeks back , it took me back to that memory along with some others . Like 2 weeks ago when this really started making my life miserable , one day I had a random thought pop into my head like “ just as long as you don’t have a daughter so you don’t get the urge to touch her or abuse her” seemed like it came outta nowhere. Since then it’s been downhill. I can’t leave the house because I focos my thoughts or maybe attractions to little girls. I feel so depressed like a monster, like I have this evil darkness inside me. I feel because my thoughts and fear(s) are specific in gender than I am convinced I am what my thoughts say I am. At the moment I feel Like I’ve normalized them More like they are winning . I feel like I bring on my thoughts as well not that I actually enjoy them Or I wouldn’t be distressed but I do bring my thoughts and images on. Anyway this is me for the past few days as far as my thoughts have been. Sorry if it’s a long response.
myocdstorymyocdstory
- Date posted
- 4y
No! Don't apologise!!! I'm going through similar and despite we don't share a similar backstory, I can relate to you so much. I also feel "attracted" (hopefully falsely) to young girls and it terrifies me. I might have pocd for 3 years but it only got serious out of sudden last year and it was brutal for months!! I would cry a lot and not be able to go outside without having a meltdown. This disease took so much. And you having a crush on a younger girl while you were younger yourself doesn't bother me. In fact, it must be quite usual! You were a kid. I feel like a monster myself but that doesn't men you are one... I'd love to continue talking to you if that's OK. I think we are very similar!
JojoJojo
- Date posted
- 4y
Hey, ya. So today I’ve been kind of calm and collected not as distressed about my thoughts or fears. I’m no longer having breakdowns Or severe distress or anxiety really. It’s almost as if I’ve convinced myself I am a P. Like that doesn’t even cause me fear if I am it’s more like will I be able to live a happy life and not offend. But also I have my moments where i ritualize by going back to my past and relationships with men and how much I’ve enjoyed them, I give myself reasons as to why I can’t be. ESP since I tell myself you never struggled with your sexual identity really until 2 weeks ago when u found out you were pregnant. Idk at this point my thought process is all over the place. I dont know what to think
JojoJojo
- Date posted
- 4y
I guess I just convince my self I am because of my gender specific thoughts and age. Also because I look at past memories of when I was little kid and some of those memories in sexual in nature and involved a female child. Like I was once caught at like the age of 7/8 with another little girl getting naked in bed. Another time I had a little crush on a little 4/5 year old girl I was about 8/9. Idk if that all interrelated somehow in my thoughts.
myocdstorymyocdstory
- Date posted
- 4y
I understand your fears... I do... But like I said, nothing you told me proves you are one.
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