So I drank too much last night. I’m not hungover, and I am well over legal drinking age. Now I’m nervous, anxious and worried about everything. Having a child, my marriage, my sexuality, my OCD, my house, the idea of turning 30, my career. Anything my OCD can pick up on is creating conspiracy theories, that’s what my husband calls their to make me laugh or feel more normal) Some days, like today when I shoot myself in the foot I just get so wound up and annoyed with myself. But I am making yet another deceleration that I AGREE TO LIVE A LIFE OF UNCERTAINTY AND THAT GOD HAS EVERYTHING PLANNED WND THAT IF ANYTHING WERE TO CHANGE HE WILL AHOW ME RHE TRUTH. anyways, happy Monday and pray for ya girl

I am feeling better. Still anxious and I am not looking for an answer. More or less, I just get worried about so many things that it’s not funny. Here are a few examples: what if my husband left me? What if he falls out of love with me? What if he no longer finds me attractive? What if I were gay? Why did I think that? If I think that is it true that I could be? Why did I look at that girl when she walked by? What does that mean? What if I cheat on my husband? What if we get pregnant and lose the baby? Can we handle that? I have all of these questions and I know the logical answer to all of them and sometimes I can make it very known to my OCD that I not dealing with it. I can deal with all of them. I was basically just looking for a “you got this, and it will work out. Just do the work and you will get more control over your OCD” You know?

@ButterflyStar Thank you for reaching out! Yes I was diagnosed with severe OCD and body dysmorphia disorder. At this point it’s not really a searching for an answer it’s just all random questions that seems to come out of nowhere. Like I know I’m not gay, I never have been and won’t be. I am not attracted to females in that way, but my mind will turn any situation around and make me feel like I am in denial. Which my therapist has explained that OCD isn’t about logic it’s about anxiety. I know that is God forbid anything happened between my husband and I that it would be tough but I have God and Jesus there to hold me up. I have some tough things to get over from my past. From being over weight and mentally/emotionally abused for years from an ex to being raped. I am so blessed for how far I have come and will go. I am blessed my husband is always there as a helping has and reminding me that Gods got this. I do fear that I upset God with all the fears and doubts that cross my mind from time to time but he understands.

@screwuOCD I understand, my OCD is also severe. I appreciate even what your therapist said that OCD isn't about logic it's about anxiety. I'm so glad you have a good relationship with your husband and he supports you, and your recovery in OCD. 😊 I'm so sorry about your past. I can't even imagine, but I am so glad you have chosen to continue to live! Because you have such a big purpose ❤️. Your purpose is to show the glory of God in your life, and even by the little you have shared, I can see how God has plucked you from the depths. I am so glad God has rebuilt you over the years. And you are now able to help and be compassionate towards others whom before, you might never have emphatised with their struggles ❤️ No, you will NEVER annoy or irritate God! You don't have to act tough with God ❤️ Cast your cares upon Him for He cares for YOU ❤️. Just a thought, but do you like to write? You could start a prayer journal? Sometimes it's a great way to offload from mind onto paper. 💟

@ButterflyStar That is a really great idea! And thank you for that! It means a ton!