I just wish that I was dead and didn’t have to go through this shit anymore. I’m tired and just want to feel normal.

My friends and family don’t care about me I’m all alone. That’s why it’s like why not choose death. I mean I wish I had a therapist who can help me see that there’s something there that I want to have in life to keep me from wanting to end my life but nobody wants to work with me. I can’t help the fact that me being angry involves cussing and I’m just so tired of holding it in with all this stupid ass therapy mumbo jumbo shit that I just want to let it out and if it means me cussing out a therapist so be it. I’m in fucking pain mentally and it hurts.

@Issac11_fitforlife Have you tried speaking to your doctor about seeing another therapist?

@Issac11_fitforlife we care about you

@hanajade I don’t have a doctor. I have no money and no insurance. My fucking mom doesn’t understand that I’m fucking fucked up in the head. Like I’ve asked if she can for me to have insurance so I can get help but she thinks I can still at least do DoorDash or something and I don’t fucking want to. It’s fucking depressing but nobody fucking understands me. Nobody listens to me. Nobody hears me. Nothing I say matters and it sucks.

@Issac11_fitforlife we are here and listening

@Issac11_fitforlife I’m really sorry to hear that. Have you tried showing your mum websites on what ocd is then she might consider getting you a therapist. We all care for you and we all want to listen to yo.

@hanajade My mom is an idiot. She doesn’t understand OCD. I’m Mexican so all this mental shit unless it’s something that’s really fucking crazy like schizophrenia, or bi polar disorder or something to that nature I’m fucking normal basically to her.

@hanajade She even got so scared that I got this letter for my birthday that she had to open it up cuz she thought it was some secret gay lover of mine who lives in Minnesota. Like wtf!? I’ve never had any sexual relationship with gay dudes or even have gay friends or been in a date with a gay guy and for whatever reason that’s what she thinks I’ve done and shit. Like my mom, aunt and uncle thought one of my friends was my secret gay lover and the motherfucker wasn’t even gay and we were friends and I knew him before I had HOCd and after it and I’ve always just hung out with the motherfucker so it just pisses me off.

@Issac11_fitforlife I’m sorry to hear that your mom is being supportive that you actually have a mental health issue. Have you tried speaking to a family member about your ocd then maybe they can speak to your mom.

@hanajade They’re all ignorant to what OCD is. Like I have an aunt who is OCD and she’s ok with always needing things to be done in a certain way. She isn’t ashamed of always needing to tell someone that there’s something on their mouth after taking a bite of something like bitch yes I can feel it but give me a fucking second to grab something and then I’ll wipe it off. She’s ok with felling on her nephews and always being touch feely. Like shit everyone’s over here looking at me and my aunt as if we’re a fucking couple like 5 years back and I noticed how she would put her hands all on me and stuff but I wasn’t going to make a scene or make her feel as if something is wrong with her. Obviously now with the thoughts I have that come up around my brothers now for the last 4 years I know that’s what goes through her mind but I wouldn’t have been suprised for her to come on to me even more than just that. I mean if I can make a lesbian chick give me a blow job and make her feel like she’s bi and have her always touch up on me at work and stuff then it wouldn’t surprise me at all just saying. Like idk I’m just a chick magnet. Even on the phone I can make girls do there flirtatious laugh just cuz. I just roll my eyes every time cuz I’m never going to meet you, I’m never going to go on a date with you and have sex with you so bitch please. Yes I hate teases and yes I know it’s cuz of my OCD but still I get annoyed. I’m just so fucking annoyed and want to get better.

@Issac11_fitforlife I totally understand. I’m sorry for what you have gone through. Your best option would be to speak to someone or keep doing erp on your own.

@hanajade That’s the thing. Idk what erp to do anymore.