My porn escalation since I was 11 years old (first time watching porn/hentai) has made me realize that it’s because of porn itself that my occasional POCD exists, and how my HOCD has kept a grasp on me. I’m trying to stop watching porn so that I can heal my mind from this. I will get better. I know I’m not gay/bisexual or a pedo. I know I’m better than this. I know I am.

Jmoincali

Date posted: 4y

OCD drive porn addiction is terrible man. I struggled with porn for so long before realizing why it was so hard to shake

Ihatethis

Date posted: 4y

It sucks man, it really does. I’ve used it to relief myself from hocd and it did, but only for a while. It turns out it worsens my hocd and I keep falling into a pit of question marks. I know I am straight, and I like big booty women, but I still question it. Am I really straight? Am I in denial? Will I turn gay in the future? I get loaded off to the point where I just want to end it all. Take myself out of the equation. The only reason I still fight hocd is because of a crush I have on a girl. It like motivation and she reminds me of who I really am. A straight man who like big booties. porn used to help assure me that I’m straight, but I get pissed off when I see a dude in my videos. Every time I get pissed or or cringe because I saw a dude, it helps assure that I am in fact straight. But when I put down my phone and I am away from those videos, I still fall into the pit of question marks, but far deeper. Did I like that dude? Wait, was I aroused by the dude or the girl? Of course I wasn’t aroused by the dude because I wasn’t even paying attention to the dude. My eyes were on the girl, but somehow I still question. If feel as though my mind is making up questions that aren’t even real. I now who I am, and I will still fight these questions. I’m just afraid of losing myself. I’m afraid that one day I might actually be gay or bi, even though I know 100% that I won’t. The uncertainty haunts me everyday. From when I wake up to when I fall asleep. I’m finally going to get therapy soon, and I hope I will escape from the hell that hocd has given me.

BigGyro09

Date posted: 4y

Honestly I feel like the trick is to let the uncertainty be there and apply reverse psychology. Accept the uncertainty that you could be gay but it's a slight possibility because you know you're not gay. Also, maybe stop watching porn altogether. Like me, it's not making you happy, yet I still go back to it because at this point my body serves it like a fucking drug. It makes me insanely unhappy. And I hate the mistakes that I've made with porn like watching things I didn't want to see at all or encountering links that ended up taking me to a fucked up video or sketchy as fuck URL. I hate it all. I keep thinking about it but I want to make it seem like nothing. The same way you should treat the uncertainty with little care because you know you aren't homosexual. I dunno. I'm trying to stick with this uncertainty thing in the sense that it shouldn't bother you because you know you aren't this thing. It's complicated. I just want to stop thinking about it completely.

BigGyro09

Date posted: 4y

This. I always feel that porn ruined my life in some way and I really don't want to watch it anymore but yesterday I just had a shitty relapse because I'm so alone and sleepless.

henry.omar

Date posted: 4y

I’m in the same boat. I struggled for years. Got off of porn for almost a year and then I started slipping here and there again. I feel intense guilt and shame over it. It’s a compulsion for me, too.

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