Has anyone had success with mirtazapine? I have health anxiety so meds are super scary for me. I had a bad reaction to Zoloft, so I’m supposed to try mirtazapine next week, but I don’t know if I can bring myself to do it.

Oh boy, that sounds awful :/ I’ll ask my doctor about cutting up the pills, that’s a good suggestion. It might take me a few months to try again like you did. That’s what happened when I had to find the right birth control. I’m glad you found success though, thanks for your reply! Did it make a big difference for your OCD?

@Crissy Oh my god yeah. But I'm not on what you are. I'm on cipralex (lexapro) I seriously hated the side effects but would do it all over again in a heart beat now that I know. My ocd spiked with the pandemic but I've always had health ocd and big anxiety around work and authority. It took me forever to get on meds because I thought my anxiety made me a better employee (made me sharper and more prepared). But now that I'm on meds I so wish I had done it sooner. I also initially started cipralex with the plan of going off of it after the pandemic. But now that I'm on it I plan on staying on it forever. I'm going to be so happy once the pandemic is over. I'm very convinced my workplace anxiety will not come back. I still have ALOT of trouble going places. I actually dont go places unless it's for a medical reason. But prior to my medication, I couldnt even survive my own house. I couldnt sleep in bed with my husband, I couldnt touch ANYTHING in the house without washing my hands or sanitizing and I lots so much hair from crying and worrying every day. As much as I still struggle to go out, I can exist in my house calmly and happily. I hope to be able to go to my workplace at some point to pick up some personal items I left there in march and i believe it's possible to work towards now.

@catattak That’s awesome! So glad to hear you’re doing better. We are quite similar, I have health OCD that spiked because of the pandemic. I also worry that meds will affect my job (I’m a writer so I always thought anxiety = more attention to detail). And I’ve had trouble leaving the house, although that has improved a bit with therapy. Now I will leave the house to go on walks, but I still can’t do anything else like go grocery shopping. I have yet to pick up personal items from my office, too. I also have responsibility OCD so I’ve always worried excessively about my family. I’m hoping meds will bring me some peace so I can sit and enjoy time with them without analyzing everything they do to make sure they’re ok. But so far, the only thing medication has done is make me panic about my health. I’m hoping I eventually say I wish I’d done it sooner, like you. I guess I just have to get over the initial hump of fear and trial & error. Really appreciate you sharing, it seriously gives me hope.

That’s great advice. I tend to deal with everything alone because my family didn’t believe I had OCD so I just stopped trying to ask for help. I just recently tried telling friends about it but I feel like such a bother (even though I know they are eager help). I think in this case though, I will have to just have to suck it up and be “bothersome” knowing there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. I can’t even imagine what it’s like to be able to just sit quietly and not ruminate, but I’m dying to find out.

@Crissy Seriously, "bother" someone. Please. Do research on the side effects with them and ask them to help you get through those. If you can get to the other side, it's beautiful. I never thought I would get to a place where I could go an entire day without fear. It's rare, I usually have some thoughts once or twice a day ut they are fleeting, and I think I'm close to getting to a 24 hour period where I forget we are in a pandemic. And it didnt make me a worse employee. I think it made me a better one. I was spending so much of my work day washing my hands or sanitizing. Now I just sit at my laptop and work. My brain isn't lost in ruminations, so I actually have time to brainstorm and get strategic and excited about my projects again. Please, please get someone close to you to help you through the side effects. There is so much goodness in life for you to get to enjoy again :)

@catattak Wow, that’s so encouraging. Thank you so much for the wise words :) I’ll definitely be following your advice. Can’t wait to get to the other side.