I have become paranoid that I may have flirted or said something flirty or cheated on my SO and someone saw me or heated about it. I don’t remember ever doing this but what if I was drunk and don’t remember or if I suppressed it. I’m afraid someone out there knows something about myself that I don’t know and is calling me a fraud or a lying piece of shit. I’m afraid to be called out on it. I’m afraid of my SO leaving me because of it. I’m afraid I feel this way because of a guilty subconscious and that I’m using OCD as a way to tell myself I didn’t do anything. I don’t know what is real or not anymore. Fuck. This is ruining my life

Team Uncerta...

User type: NOCD Alumni

Date posted: 4y

I’m really sorry you are going through this. I have dealt with similar ROCD thoughts so I know how difficult this is, especially the guilt. But the one thing I can tell you is that leaning into uncertainty and stopping to try and figure out the thoughts really really helped. I know it’s hard to see what’s reality and what’s not when you’re in a fog of OCD, but trust the ERP process and you will find some peace.. take care of yourself ❤️

Just another...

Date posted: 4y

Thank you so much. I’m just scared that I’m not worthy of being with my SO. If any of my thoughts are true then I know she would leave me. I feel like if I let it go then I’m robbing her of the truth she deserves. I feel like I have to keep remembering these events until I figure out what really happened. Even if it costs me my relationship I just want her to know the truth. We’re engaged now and we’re planning on getting married in July but what if I am a fraud? I remember having a “friendly” personality when we first got together and although I’ve changed I can’t help but think I fucked up. I got blacked out drunk 2 times while she wasn’t there and I’m afraid I did something or said something inappropriate. I don’t know if I should ask my friends if they saw me do anything or not. These blackouts happened 5 years ago and I feel like I should’ve addressed it back then.

Team Uncerta...

User type: NOCD Alumni

Date posted: 4y

@Azl I think your train of thought is a good indicator to remind you this is very much OCD. Sometimes when the thoughts feel really real and I can’t tell what is reality and what isn’t, I ground myslef by looking at my behaviors. Mental ruminations, analyzing, seeking reassurance, etc. Think of all the uncertainty you deal with everyday, with thousands of other moments! But since OCD is making you focus on this one moment you think this one may be important or say something catastrophic about you. I know it’s difficult, but OCD is trying to hook you on the past and get you to figure out something that can’t be figured out. The only thing you have is the present and up until OCD made you rethink this moment 5 years ago, you were happily engaged with your SO. Focus on the present and what you can control, and say “maybe, maybe not” to OCD.

Just another...

Date posted: 4y

I remember a random girl and a random guy helped me walk back to my room and I said “let’s take the other guy back to his room first” because I think his room came before mine and he did leave and then she helped me walk back to my room. I think I said that so I could be alone with her. What if I tried to make a move on her while she was helping me get into my room. What if I said “don’t leave” as she helped crawl into my bed? I know nothing actually happened but what if I wanted it to? I feel like the scum of the earth. The next day I saw her hanging out with my friends by the pool and I was too ashamed to even go with them. That’s why I feel like they know something I don’t. I think she told them about all the stuff I did and said. They have never brought it up and I’m afraid they are just trying to save me the embarrassment.

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