Idk what’s wrong with me, I say mean things to my bf like I said “maybe we should break up” knowing I wouldn’t yet I watched him cry and I feel the urge to be mean and ik it’s toxic but in the moment I can’t stop it’s like against my will pls help me someone

But it feels like it’s not me like in the moment I don’t want to do that but I get these urges

@aholcomb17 so what. everyone on this app has urges. Do not make excuses for your poor actions. You are letting OCD control your life. You want help? Start doing ERP and start taking control.

@sheeby Well all of us are letting OCD control our lives or else we wouldnt be here. Mental illness makes people do bad stuff they wouldnt otherwise do, and sometimes it is ugly. Sometimes it is self harming and sometimes it harms others. Even if its not being cruel reassurance seeking is in a way hurting people around us. I dont understand the need to have any less compassion for people who have compulsions to confess etc than people who have compulsions about other things. I do appreciate the emphasis on making people understand they can be in control.

@asdfghj I agree I should have been more compassionate but I do not think emotional abuse to others should be tolerated in any way nor should it be coddled as just simply “OCD”. While that has truth and merit to a degree, I do not think people should be blaming OCD for abuse. Abuse, regardless of mental illness or not, is wrong. As someone who had it happen to me, and I have done it to others bc Of OCD. I just do not tolerate it at all and I want to help them shock themselves into realizing what they are doing is completely and utterly wrong. I appologizd if I come off insensitive, but abuse should never be coddled regardless where it comes from.

@sheeby Abuse should never be coddled. But I disagree with the notion that mental illness doesnt make people violent. Ofc it does. It makes people selfharm, addicted to substances, do crimes, and kill themselves. And it makes them abuse the people they love. This is the sad truth of mental illness. They wouldnt do it if they were well. And that doesnt make it OK. It is wrong, it is bad, it is harmful. But mental illness still has a part in it. And why would you say one shouldnt blame abuse on OCD and then say you yourself have dont it because of OCD? Alot of abusers never seek help because of the severe condemnation it gets. Very few thinks hurting others is okay. But they dont realise they can get help for it and often they are so ashamed they feel like they cant even get help for their other problems because they are worthless people for the violence. The end result of someone beating up their child reading posts about how bad people they are is that they never seek help and neither them nor the kids get the necessary help. What is it in you that makes you think people dont know that it is utterly wrong already? I do agree that it is. I just think people know already.

@asdfghj Sure. But they were sayin they had no control. That I find wrong. Sure mental illness makes people do bad things, but it doesn’t mean that just because you’re mentally ill that it’s valid that abuse can take place. Sure they knew what they were doing was bad, in no way did I argue that they didn’t. But they claimed they had no control, and that is what I won’t coddle, because you do have control. I’m saying I confessed and it hurt feelings but I never told myself I had no control. I have control, which is why I refuse to ever do it ever again. Telling yourself you have no control is what results in passive abusive behavior, and allowing yourself to think it is okay.m because of said “lack of control”. Yes abusers shouldn’t receive as much backlash when they are seeking help, but I’m not going to hold back on calling someone out for their poor actions because they want a solution that will make them feel better momentarily. I would much rather give them productive advice than tell them that it’s OCDs fault. That is what results in no recovery. Blaming OCD for everything that goes bad means no accountability for your actions over others, regardless of WHO or WHAT illness you have, it is wrong to do that. I never blamed OCD for why I may have hurt others, I blame my own lack of accountability and weakness for discomfort.

@sheeby I agree with most of what you're saying. I just believe that its possible to have two thoughts in our heads at the same time. People wouldnt be abusing if it wasnt for OCD/their mental illness, it is still wrong and it is their responsibility to take action and ensure it doesnt happen. Abusers wont even get to receive backlash when they're getting help because because often they never do. Because they are scared away from it. And whos to say shaming someone without any compassion even though you do emphasise that they can control it is productive? It is possible to emphasise them being able to control it and still give support. Like we do with others compulsions. Your answer comes off as if you (and all of us) never gives in to compulsions. We all have urges but we are never so "cruel" as to engage in them. And we do. Or else we wouldnt be here.

Why do you do it then? You said you get an urge, and it is your job to prevent yourself from doing that urge even though your anxiety will rise.

@asdfghj Ur right I feel like everyone hates me in here I didn’t mean for it to sound bad by saying I can’t control it I just mean in moment I want to stop but for some reason I don’t and I hate myself for that and it’s like I’m just watching myself doing it trying to stop but I won’t

@aholcomb17 I’m really sorry by how harsh I was. If I could take it back and reword it I would. I feel like such an idiot after reflecting on this. You aren’t a bad person, but you should be exercising resisting compulsions like these. I’m sorry.

@aholcomb17 No one hates you in here. And even if anyone did who are they to? They dont know you. The feeling of "I cant resist it" or that OCD is controlling us, I dont know who in here hasnt thought the same. I defintely have, and I have done bad and cruel things because it. It is important to realise we are in control though. And that we do have the power to resist. I think a lot of people feels strongly about abuse and cant seem to expand their empathy for actions and compulsions that they themselves would never do. But an important part of empathy or maybe even factual understanding of a topic is to see it in a wider format than was applies to oneself. But that is hard. It is easier to empathize with your bf. I think realise what it is that makes you not stop is important to actually help you stop it. Can you go on here and warch and SOS-video when you feel that way. Realise it is wrong and walk away and deal with your anxiety in a different manner?