I’m sorry It’s hard I’m feeling pretty... uh... well I don’t really want to be here? Don’t worry though, I won’t do anything... I just don’t see the point in living is every day is gonna be such a struggle, if I have to put so much mental effort into just SURVIVING. I’m depressed. I’m numb. I’m lost. I’m scared. I’ve been this way for so long. It’s not ever gonna go away, is it? No. I know it can get better. But, when? There’s no easy way out and I wish there was. I know everyone struggles but I wish I could just be normal. I feel so lonely. I feel bad. Dirty, wrong, evil. I feel like I’m lying to myself. To everyone. I’m scared. I’m so scared. I can’t sleep. All I can do distract myself with video games, or YouTube. I’m too scared to talk to people. Too scared to leave my house. Too scared to watch a tv show, or a movie. Too scared to draw. To take a walk. I can’t. Do. Anything. I don’t want to die... but I just don’t want to be alive, not like this. I’m only 19. I feel ridiculous saying all of this- like I’m too young to actually know pain. Truthfully I don’t know how you older sufferers (40+!) have done it for so long. OCD didn’t sprout until I was around 14. 5 years only, off and on, and I can’t take it anymore. How in the hell have some of you been doing it since the age of, like, 8?!? Jesus Christ you guys are made out of fucking Teflon! I’m so impressed by all of you. You’re all so strong. I know I’m strong too, but, I’ve caved. I’m having a moment of weakness. I’m not ashamed of that, but I am sad about it. I hope after the big move things get better.

js94

Date posted: 4y

My hocd started at 19. And I'm 26 now. I can relate to your story almost identical. But it takes a while to habituate to the fears and a lot of hard work. It will get better, u just have to put in the exposure work

nGfloat

Date posted: 4y

Feeling the same way. Sorry. We are here for you!

Villandi

Date posted: 4y

I would love to have someone to talk to :( I always feel so alone

js94

Date posted: 4y

@Villandi You can add my snap: sobes31

js94

Date posted: 4y

If you want to talk more im here for you

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

Hi. My OCD hit me when i was 14.5 too. I got on medication and got through it. I never got a diagnosis for OCD as I was too ashamed to talk about my thoughts. I led a happy life for like 5 years and was (still am) in a very happy relationship until the thoughts came back and I didn’t know how to deal with them properly because I didn’t know I had OCD. I got diagnosed and am getting treatment now. I empathize with you so much. I was only 14 when my intrusive thoughts first came and I thought I was in denial about everything and I felt so helpless. Having it at such a young age kind of made it so that I never got to truly get to know myself. It makes it hard to tell the thoughts from reality when you may not have a clear view of reality. Im just trying to be happy and love my life again now but my whole identity has been thrown off by this disease:( Stay strong. Please try your best to leave the house. It may make you cry but you CAN do it. You are not alone❤️

nGfloat

Date posted: 4y

Exactly the same. Hit me at 15 so it’s like I can’t even tell what proper reality should be.

BelieveInYou...

Date posted: 4y

Please stay strong. I know what youre going through. I'm 18 and I can find myself having ocd symptoms since I was like 4. Take it day by day. Dont push yourself too hard. You arent alone!

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