hi guys! this is my first post, and while i’m pretty sure i’ve tried close to everything to help “cure” my ocd, this is kind of my last resort. i have severe dermatillomania, and while my ocd does present itself in other forms, in other aspects of my life, it’s more of a 80/20 ratio. in relation to my dermatillomania, for me it’s 80% skin, 15% nails, and 5% my overall body in general. i spend hours in front of the mirror creating welts in my skin because as my doctor says, “it’s how i deal with my anxiety”. i’m not really 100% sure how that makes sense, but i’ve really been beating myself up about it. i feel like this next part is something a lot of people can relate to. i don’t really hate my condition(s), i hate what they do to me. it’s weird. i hate how i’m still a teenager, yet have probably about 4-10 times more the amount of scars than close to any person over 80 you can find, and that’s just on my face. i hate what my condition does to me. in the moment, it feels fine. but after, when i’ve finally pulled myself away, i beat myself up for hours on end. in relation to ocd in other parts of my life, it’s causing my body actual harm. i rely on random, coincidental things in the outside world to pick my decisions relating to my well being for me. for example, i’ll think to myself, “if the light turns green by the time i count to 10 than i can eat one more”. or if something wasn’t cooked for 1 more past the 5 (6 minutes, 11 minutes, 16 minutes, 21 minutes, etc) i won’t eat it. while this branch of ocd isn’t as prominent in my life as the ones mentioned above, it’s still something that i spend way too much of my life on. i obsess and try to reason every single single decision i make, even if it is a completely normal decision or thing like eating white bread instead of sourdough bread, the entire time i’m eating it i’m thinking, “should i have eaten the sourdough? no. it’s okay, white bread has its benefits too. well sourdough’s benefits are far greater than white bread’s benefits. white bread tastes better though. well sourdough’s healthier”. it’s constant over thinking about every single thing and it causes my stress levels to sky rocket. while there wasn’t too much meaning to this post, it feels good telling people who can relate rather than my friends who tell me to, “just stop”. if you have any tips or tricks, or just comments on my problems with ocd in general, they’d be greatly appreciated. i hope all is well with everyone in these stressful times! thanks for reading.