Can someone give me advice on how to discern whether I find children attractive or not?

Are you seeing an ocd specialist? Everything you’re worried out is incredibly normal for ocd sufferers and your theme is very common and treatable. Logically I hope you know that being attracted to people your own age would not make you a pedophile. If your worried about much younger than you though, that’s also very common for ocd and still very treatable. But we treat ocd not by answering these questions but by getting help from an ocd specialist to see how silly these questions are and learning to sit with some uncertainty and be okay with that.

@pureolife Some info on pure o: https://ocdla.com/obsessionalocd

@pureolife I'm worrying if I'm attracted to like nine-year-old females.

@lmolnar I’m so sorry. I know this must be difficult. Have you seen an ocd specialist? You’re so young and the sooner you see one the less time you have to waste suffering from this disorder.

@pureolife I know getting help can feel difficult at your age since you need your parents to do so. Have you talked with them? Do you need advice on how to start the conversation?

@pureolife This is something I've also been struggling with to be honest. I'm trying to get over a bad pornography addiction and there have been times in the past where I think I accidentally came across illegal content I didn't want to see. I know that it was a mistake and I had no intent to view anything with children in it. On the other hand, there are other times where I want to find content that focuses on girls my age, which is 18 but I'm always worried that the content is lying to me by featuring underaged people even though it says they are 18 and comments both saying yes and saying no which happened once. At the same time, "teen" is a pretty popular category people surf like it's nothing. I don't really know what to believe, but I am trying to just get away from sexual behavior entirely because I would honestly just feel more safe in a way. I know I'm attracted to women my age and much older and I'm comfortable with my heterosexuality towards women, but I am not and don't ever want to be attracted to anyone that is either a child or a minor that can't consent. I want to connect with people my age and above. I'm not comfortable with talking with people under my age, only the same or above and maybe a one number difference. I hate that these mistakes have happened and I really don't want them to destroy my mental health or what I have in the present. I've never dwelled on my mistakes until earlier in this year and I just don't know why.

@BigGip09 Logically you know being attracted to people around your own age is not only acceptable but expected. Turning 18 doesn’t magically make people who are 17 3/4 less attractive. And it’s understandable you’d turn to a category that is targeted toward who you are. Obviously it’s complicated because porn with actual teens IS illegal and unethical. But being a teen and being with other teens is not. You’re absolutely dwelling, but the more common term for it would be ruminating. Ruminating is our attempt to find certainty, “figure out” whatever issue we’re obsessed about, and stay safe. When we do it we feel like we accomplishing something by spending so much time thinking about this stuff. But actually ruminating doesn’t solve problems; it creates them. The problem here has nothing to do with who or what you’re attracted to. The problem is that you’re spending all of your time trying to be sure of exactly what that is and making sure it’s “right.” And no matter how many times you prove this to yourself, ruminating and ocd will demand more. Learn to stop ruminating. It’s not the solution; it’s the problem. https://drmichaeljgreenberg.com/understanding-pure-o-you-are-not-having-intrusive-thoughts-all-day-you-are-ruminating/

@pureolife For a while I've felt like the use of pornography or masturbation is something that's becoming compulsive and is falling together with my behavior of ruminating, or at the very least strengthening it. I'm at a point where I no longer want to do it and I accept my mistakes because I know I didn't intend any harm with making them. I know who I'm attracted to and I know who I want, and it's definitely not anything OCD tells me. I just I didn't have to think about these mistakes constantly throughout my days. According to the article, it said that rumination is something that is intentional, which should mean it's also something I could intentionally stop. Hopefully that's the logic behind it. There have been times (usually in the middle of the night) where the rumination and compulsions stop bothering me and I'm able to actually become happy, but only temporarily. I just want to find a way to finally cancel out these thoughts and move on like I say I want to. Thanks for your help. Seriously. For a while this has been something that's been bothering my mind no matter how many times people have told me that I didn't do anything wrong. OCD has always stated otherwise, but no longer do I want to listen to it.

@BigGip09 https://drmichaeljgreenberg.com/how-to-stop-ruminating/