Me yesterday: having intrusive thoughts and getting anxiety Me today: not freaking out about my thoughts for five minutes My brain: YOU DONT HAVE OCD ITS ALL REAL YOU HAVEN’T HAD AN INTRUSIVE THOUGHT IN DAYS Me twenty minutes ago: oh no, I haven’t had an intrusive thought in a while, maybe it is true :((( Me now: wtf 😂 It’s so weird how ocd works. I need to get some humor out of it 💀

Mine is fixated on my boyfriend. Long story short,I really like him and found him attractive even before we started dating, yet my brain started telling me in July that I’m “hiding my sexuality and I want to be with women.” This thought had only come up once before (because I used to have a porn addiction) and i had watched lesbian porn several times when I was younger. However, this is a common thing for straight women to do, plus I’d watch straight porn and gay porn. Yet my brain latches on the fact that I used to do that, and it latches on any memory that “proves I’m secretly in denial and a lesbian.” For a while there, I couldn’t even look at another women at all, because I immediately thought I was attracted to them. I avoided movies, shows, basically anything that had to do with women. But I’ve gotten better, and you will too. I know how much is sucks. I’d compulsively look things up, cry about it, rant to my boyfriend, ask for reassurance, etc. I’m going to be honest, the only thing I ever wanted to do was sleep. I wanted to die, my thoughts drove me to that point. But now I’m happier. I feel more alive. Yeah, it’s not perfect, and I have continuous intrusive thoughts. And yes they get to me, and they hurt. But I’m not letting myself get to the point where I want to die again. I’m never doing that. And you know what, you’ll get through it too. I believe in you.

@brooka It’s happening to me right now. I’ve wanted to only sleep because of my HOCD “. No matter how much I want to change, and I’ve been trying with my ERP, this portion of my HOCD never goes away, and it makes me think that I’m gay/bisexual in denial because of it. I’m honestly scared. I don’t want to be gay/bisexual in denial. I just want to be a straight man with a wife and two kids who love me. Like I had a beautiful dream about a celebrity girl I have a crush on (Alanah Pearce) and I thought it was good. But my HOCD still targets the fact I watched that material and now I’m scared.

@brooka I just honestly feel like I’m so alone and that I’m the only one whose different from everyone else.

I’ve been watching his videos a lot actually! He doesn’t really post that often, which is the only reason why I barely watch him anymore