- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
Hey, thanks for sharing this. I was kind of like this too, but I didn’t know anyone else was. I really appreciate your bravery in saying this.
- Date posted
- 4y
Thank you
- Date posted
- 4y
I was the exact same and my current OCD obsession is that I did something really horrific as a child. Myself and a neighbour would play ‘mummy and daddy’ and because I was a few months older I’ve convinced myself I was this huge monster and I’ve done something terrible. I also completely agree with the each memory is worse than the last one and I’m making up things in my head that are just completely not true
- Date posted
- 4y
We never actually did anything properly we would just hug a lot... but as I said each time I remember it I convince myself it was so much more than that
- Date posted
- 4y
@jupiterfest Well I actually did improper things. Things that were taught to me by other older children. One being a 13 year old when I was only 6 or 7. I think it’s were I learned the behavior and continued doing it because I thought it was fun or curious about the feelings I got surrounding it. But I was also just a child not fully understanding the extent of what I was doing. Anyway I have to live with the mistake and try to forgive myself for no knowing any better everyday. It’s hard sometimes however
- Date posted
- 4y
Im in a same boat. Kind of was sexual child before I even knew what sex was! I think learning more about the complexity of sexual behavior helped take a bit a ammo away from the OCD. Of course, researching can be a compulsion but genuinely learning about yourself and learning not to feel guilty for your experiences can help.
- Date posted
- 4y
Yes. I did research as well and realized it’s more common then we think. My OCD still attacks me however that I’m abnormal or I did worse and I just don’t remember it or everyone will hate me. My OCD likes to hand around the idea of others hating me and not deserving happiness due to the wrong that I did
- Date posted
- 4y
@Hope309 It took me some time to realize there's our actual fear and then the themes that help fuel the fear. Whether or not I remember that in the heat of a spiral of course is hard
- Date posted
- 4y
@Iwashere2 Yes my true fear is being hated by others or people I love. My OCD will latch on to anything extreme that could possibly cause that outcome. Understanding that helps however
- Date posted
- 4y
Yes me too, i was a very sexual child , i remember looking up “sex” on my mothers phone hoping to find images and stuff, im 16 now and it makes me feel sick, i knew about sex since i was about 5, idk how but i did. It makes me feel sick i wish i could change my past so badly.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 19w
I think I know what honestly is what caused my OCD. I’ve never told anyone this but I have to if I want help. When I was either 10 or 11, I think 10 I was at my family’s thanksgiving dinner. Around this time I discovered porn and got addicted. I would watch porn and read erotica. Because of this I guess I wanted to experiment. I feel absolutely horrible just thinking about this but I was playing around with my little cousin, he was around 7 I think and I remember we were playing chase or hide and seek, and I grabbed him and hugged him (something I never done before), and got a boner. I did this for pleasure. That’s all I did that was sexual but I feel so horrible. I try to give myself grace as I was only 10 and didn’t know the consequences of something so disgusting. I keep thinking “what if I went farther and hurt him?”. I talk to him sometimes and he seems comfortable with me and I think he doesn’t even remember this ever happened and just thought I hugged him for some reason all those years ago. I am NOT attracted to him at all but I think this incident and remembering it when I was 14 has caused my OCD such as POCD for all these years. I am 18 now but I feel absolutely horrible. And now it’s even worse because I have been invited to his 15th birthday party in Mexico. I’m traveling all the way to another country just to be near him! Obviously I know I won’t touch him or be innopropriate with him. But what if he has felt uncomfortable with me all this time? He seems fine with me and not uncomfortable around me but still. If I feel as if I go to this trip, I am a horrible person. I don’t know what to do. Am I a horrible person for what I did and continuing to be around him? I remember reading Reddit and Quora stories of similar people who felt horrible and people told them to not feel bad as they were only children and they learned and now know that was wrong and that to not tell anyone as it could only make things extremely awkward.Please help. I know COCSA is a very serious topic that harms people and I feel like a horrible perpetrator now.
- Date posted
- 19w
Hi everyone, I'm struggling with what I think are intrusive thoughts, possibly related to OCD, and I'm hoping someone here might relate. When I was younger, in my early teens, I went through a period where I had a strong interest in pornography. During that time, I encountered hentai involving male characters, related to an anime I enjoyed. One of the characters was someone I even looked up to. I feel incredibly uncomfortable admitting this, but I believe I engaged in sexual activity related to it. Years later, I'm plagued by intrusive thoughts about this. I feel intense self-disgust and shame. It's like this memory has "tainted" my ability to enjoy that anime, and sometimes other things. I'm constantly replaying the situation in my mind, questioning my past actions, and worrying about what it means about me. The anxiety is significantly impacting my life. Does anyone else experience intrusive thoughts focused on past events, particularly those that cause feelings of shame or disgust? How do you cope with the constant replaying and questioning? I'm looking for support and understanding. Thank you for listening.
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- Date posted
- 15w
18+ TW! Involves sexual content I have learning disabilities which means im always going to be 3-5 years mentally behind from my actual age… when I was 14 I remember finding people saying they work with kids “attractive” and I remember mastu*** over a kid around 5+ but when I was 14 I was either mentally age 11 or 9. So I didn’t know it was wrong, and as soon as I realised I stopped. People say I was young and it’s okay but I remember finding people saying they even walked past a nursery “attractive” but I don’t know if this is even the right word. Maybe cute? Because I find different emotions hard to tell the difference between, so maybe it’s cute rather than attractive. I never ever had intentions to do anything to younger individuals, it was just me finding people saying they worked with them etc attractive… which my ocd now plays on, because my friend mentioned they were working with kids but idk if it was the real me or not but I genuinely felt like I found it attractive and it was giving my so many groinal responses which then made me feel genuinely aroused like I wanted to do things. This plays on my mind because my ocd will always say “but you did/do find stuff like this attractive” but this literally stops me from eating, sleeping or anything. I can’t break from my compultions because what if I do genuinely find it attractive. I don’t think it’s even attractive maybe it’s cute? Like I find it cute… but cuteness can give people feelings down there I guess. I think because if my learning disabilities I found it hard to know the difference between “attraction” and cute so I did stuff over it because it gave me that feeling down there but that could of been cuteness feeling. I just need some support on this.
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