New to the group/app. Chronic OCD sufferer. First had my first brush with it at 17/18 I’m 29 now. Had a sexual thought about my mother that then turned into me thinking “what about if i have sexual thoughts about everybody?” I then had sexual thoughts about people around me, but my mind latched on men. I’m heterosexual, never questioned myself til that day. After months of searching for things and replaying situations back in my head i was able to live peacefully only with the occasional or lingering “what if’s?” This was 11/12 years ago. Over the course I’ve had the occasional intrusive thought popping in and out of my head during my times with women and wondering did i like the thought or the woman? The woma always won and I was mostly able to brush em off and keep it moving. More recently i made the mistake of eating a marijuana edible. Me and weed DONT mix. After feeling high for what felt like a lifetime i began panicking and wondering “what if i stay this way?” “What If i developed a psychosis?” “What if reality isn’t real?” “What if this is underlying schizophrenia?” Those hit me for about a week and a half...then it returned back to my worst, HOCD. I’ve been happily dating a woman for 2 years of course I’ve had my doubts and thoughts along the way but i was mainly able to shrug it off. We’ve enjoyed a healthy sex life and each other’s company. But now with the return of the monster i get choked up with anxiety about possibly leaving her and coming out of some closet that I know I’m not in and i begin revisiting and replaying every single moment of the past and thinking “am i even attracted to her?” “Why do i feel choked up/weirded out when we kiss now?” Etc. I realize it’s all anxiety but damn it’s been beating me down recently. Apologies for the long post. Take care guys.