- Date posted
- 4y ago
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Hi queen. I’m going through the same thing right now (another relapse) and you’re not alone. I read somewhere that sometimes seeing any sort of sexual photo can arouse people because our brains jump to the outcome of having sex. That’s how powerful ocd is though that it will continuously give you groinal reactions. That’s how powerful the brain is. I understand where you’re coming from because I’m so scared that I won’t get to have a husband and children but we have to keep fighting everyday!
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Queen, you're so right. Any other normal person wouldn't even bat an eye at it, but we scrutinize everything and overthink all of our choices in life. I'm feeling better this morning actually, because I realize that sex in general arouses people (I remember reading that women especially have this reaction and are sensitive to it) and it in no way affects orientation. It is simply just how it is and we must live with uncertainty. The more I arm myself with facts and reality and reassess my situation from a different perspective, the less my OCD becomes real. Thanks so much for sharing and reading my post :) we will feel better with time. Sending you lots of positive waves 🙃
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@OCDismyMiddleName Of course girl we all got to stick up to each other! Have you talked to your boyfriend about ocd? You don’t have to say specifics but you can just say “Hey I struggle with ocd” I had to do that in my last relationship and he was actually really understand and wanted to read articles to help me. I’m def still struggling though thinking about the future now
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@Madeline Yes! He's actually the one who recommended me to get therapy through NOCD. He's honestly the most caring person in my life and he has done so much research into OCD just to help me. I think that's where the OCD is stemming from (I don't want to lose him). Kind of crazy to think of how our brains sabotage us lol. All of my relationship OCD and HOCD started to happen whenever I realized that we will be engaged soon. It sucks living with this because of the fear and the constant overthinking. But one day we'll overcome this and be ready for the next round. Again, thanks so much for listening to my situation and I hope you're feeling good today. I know you're hesitant about future relationships, but sis, you haven't crossed that bridge yet and you're seeking help now so that you will be prepared for the future (with or without someone). You are strong! 😁
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@OCDismyMiddleName Aww thank you so much that made my day! 😁 I’m always scared that my ocd will scare any future boyfriends off
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@Madeline Of course 😄 I understand this fear. But I don't think we give enough credit to good people. We constantly see bad relationships, bad breakups, bad situations, etc., and we forget about the good people in this world. I really do believe that if you can see the worth of yourself, someone else will see it too. Living with OCD isn't easy, but it has made us really cool individuals. We're typically great at work and school, we're high achievers, we seek improvement of not only ourselves but of others, we never stop fighting. I know there's tons of articles saying that having OCD makes it difficult to be in a relationship, but the things I listed above tells me that a relationship with someone like us is really worthwhile. Why? Well, look at it this way: The reason we go through these subtypes is because we are so afraid of hurting others or ourselves. We are so consumed by the risks and often times, our empathy is tenfold compared to others. We care. In fact, we care so much that we're willing to risk our own wellbeing and face extreme anxiety and pain with what we deal with, just so that nothing bad will happen to the people we love or cherish. We sacrifice so much of ourselves that anyone who understands OCD will also understand that we do it out of fear, not out of silliness or madness. This is how I've been able to live with myself. I know I wrote a lot, but I just wanted to give you a deeper perspective of this so that you can have hope.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@OCDismyMiddleName That was worded so well! That’s a great way to think about it thank you! I’ve also had some really horrible experiences with men which also feeds my hocd unfortunately. I’ve definitely forgotten about the good men out there, men like my dad and Grandpas. I’ve just always had the fear that a man will reject me because I’m too much. I actually wasn’t diagnosed with ocd until like a year ago so it was always that I was the weird kid and had something wrong with me
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@Madeline Hey, I totally get that. For me, it was the opposite. I had a strained relationship with my family and the men in my household, and so even though I always usually had good experiences with guys outside of my family, that disconnect made it hard for me to accept love and understanding. It will work out in the end though, we're just in the eye of the storm right now lol.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@OCDismyMiddleName That’s very true! I have to remember to see the rainbow at the end of the storm
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Hey this same happens to me all the time and for change my anxiety is also about how I haven't had any boyfriend till now ironically I am 16 but still that scres the shit put of me, so yeah don't worry. And my exposure activity was to watch this Netflix series called mismatched and it was really good series had my favourite actor Rohit Saraf in it also had character who was homosexual a girl to be specific and i did my exposure in the last episode it went like her identity was the topic of discussion in the collage and that kind of triggered me like what if I am acared of the society and what if that happens with me and now I feel anxious I am at a 6 and half tho, right now I am question what if I am scared of the society and what if I am denial.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Hi there, thank you for your kind words and for sharing :) I am in my 20s and dealing with this, so I cannot imagine how hard it would be for you as a teen and having a bunch of peer pressure (I remember high school being very tough). Its awesome that you are seeking help and working through it. It is such a tough subtype. When I was 16, I was dealing with harm OCD and it was terrible, but things do get better. We have our ups and downs but I am grateful for this community. Thanks for responding.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@Anonymous Yes the thing is I live in India and there are many taboos about teenage mental health and there are hardly any good HOCD therapist here so I am just using therapy. Through work books and videos and this app
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@tulipsharma1004 The good news is that a lot of OCD is dealt with on our own. For example, I wasn't actually diagnosed with OCD until this year. But I've dealt with OCD my entire life (my onset was at age 5). I researched a lot throughout the years, I took many psychology classes (I suggest you do this as well, it can be very helpful if you know the science behind the mind) and I forced myself to do erp before I even knew what erp was. And I honestly was okay, I have good times and bad times with OCD. The important part for all of us is to keep growing and understanding it and not feeding the negative energy. You are not alone, and I know it's scary without professional help, but there is HOPE. One day at a time, we will surpass our fears. We can never fully live without it, but I can say with certainty that each subtype gets a little bit easier to deal with as time goes on. YOU'RE NOT ALONE :)
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@Anonymous Thank you
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@OCDismyMiddleName Thank you
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I Dont want to reassure you but you sound as anyone with hocd. Dont worry, we all here for you. If you want to talk you can write!
Related posts
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 14w ago
I’ve had so many moments of clarity with my OCD that I love my boyfriend and I’m beyond willing to go through this to be better and be with him. in the back of mind I’ve in a way known I was at least somewhat sexually attracted to women (I’m a woman) since the start of the ocd it was always like “okay. Fine, but I don’t want to date a girl” I only just realized this after the ocd started, I never really argued with this. my ocd has always revolved around if I’m romantically interested in women and not men. I’ve done so many compulsions through this year and a half and 9 times out of 10 have come to the conclusion that I don’t want to be with a woman romantically. I always end up feeling like I know I love my boyfriend. But the doubts don’t stop about whether I want to spend my life with a woman instead, my heart literally breaks to think of not being with my bf and imagining him with someone else. I don’t want to be with a woman I know deep down somewhere underneath the anxiety that that’s not what I want. It doesn’t feel natural for me, unfulfilling. I want to tell my boyfriend about the possible sexual attraction to women (ik it’s still ocd related) but I’m scared that once I tell him, I’ll realize that I actually do want to be with women and not with him. Ugh I’ve spent hours today ruminating about this after being solid in my commitment with him for a little while, I’m stuck in this loop and idk how to get out right now
- Date posted
- 12w ago
Hi, I’m new here!! I’m praying I don’t get judged for this. But, back in late May of 2022 ( literally right before I graduated high school), I added this one random girl from my school on Snapchat. She posted something about a graduation party , so I swiped up on her story basically saying how I can’t believe we’re almost graduated. She replied and we had a really short and simple conversation. The next day ( i believe) , we started talking a lot , and I just so happened to see her at the highschool when we were grabbing our graduation outfits and doing the rehearsal. When I saw her irl, I kinda got turned off ( I heard she was kinda crazy) , and on top of that , she was a little ugly irl. I remember seeing her Snapchat bio , and she was close friends with my female cousin ( a year younger than me) , who I happened to experiment sexually with when I was 10-11 years old. I remember going to work later that day and having sort of a lightbulb flick thought ( it wasn’t a good thought though) , what if my cousin told her about what happened when we were younger? So I started to kind of panic and immediately distanced myself from that girl. I also experimented sexually with one of my female friends when I was 10-11 , and from that day onwards, I’ve been pretty much living in paranoia and a little bit of guilt about someone finding out and my life being ruined . On top of that, It’s gotten worse to now sometimes I wonder if a girl I added off of quick add ( Snapchat) is underage even if they told me they were 18+ or had 18 and above in their bio, and I get so much guilt and anxiety about that. I even had a quick thought last February on what if I did something inappropriate with my younger cousin when I was 15-16 but I just can’t exactly remember when it happened , and it still eats me alive when I think about it, because I don’t know if it happened or not. I’m sorry for the long vent, I just wish I felt normal again. No matter how much I try to do things that old me used to do, life always feels “ off”. I always kept the top part about when I was younger a secret up until early (ish ) 2024, then I vented to one of my best friends and he told me that that’s a normal thing to do at a young age. Since then, I have told multiple friends and they all say they did similar stuff, but my brain just can’t accept that. Please help me, I quite literally overthink everything nowadays. 2021 was the last full year that I felt normal ( coincidentally, the best year of my life so far) . It’s not just about sexual related things either, sometimes I’ll wonder if I messed up something at work or hit a car while driving/hit someone and drove off. I just wanna live my life how I was supposed to live it after highschool ( carefree and happy) before whatever it is ( I think it’s ocd) hit me unexpectedly. Thanks to anyone who read this , I just needed to pour it out regardless of how negative I felt typing this, I hope someone can relate , because I feel so alone in my head at times.
- Date posted
- 10w ago
Hi, I'm 17,about to be 18. I've been struggling with these thoughts for the past 8 months. I was wondering if someone experienced ever the same because I feel im "different". BACKGROUND: (I'm not diagnosed with Ocd but seeing a local counselor) About 9 months ago I cheated on my boyfriend with this guy S (who blackmailed, manipulated and molested me). Since then when I realized that what i did was very WRONG and so I started ruminating picking apart every single interaction and telling my boyfriend, i tried to remember every single detail because otherwise I felt like i was being a fraud and hiding things to save myself, i had many crisis about it because I had also what i think was false memory ocd. My boyfriend forgave me idk how tbh I still wonder. CURRENT STRUGGLE: Months ago I was sure I didn't wanna S in any way and i was sure even when everything happened. For the past 2 months tho I've been having thoughts like " Do I love S?" "I love S" "S is hot" "Would S find me hot?" "What if I want S?" " What if I don't love my boyfriend enough?" "What if I secretly want S?" "What if I see my boyfriend as a friend only?Do I?" And I tried testing my reaction to intimate scenarios with S, I'm scared I like it i dont really wanna love S or have any secret attraction, I wish I didn't have any of this and I want to be sure of my feelings for my boyfriend because I know I wanna be with him and I see a future with him like he brings me comfort. But a part of me keeps trying to convince me otherwise. Sometimes I think I'd rather die than have these thoughts. Im so scared of not being able to control my feelings, im scared I can't resist S and its giving me anxiety and making me cry. Sometimes when i think of those sexual scenarios with S or I get those thoughts my mind tells me to smile because i like it because I find it funny. It makes me doubt myself all over again. Like I'm always like I need to test if I'd feel aroused to intimate scenarios with S, lately im trying to fight this urge to test and test but my mind is like "just do it this once so you can be sure. I can never watch anything romantic or sexual or whatever because my mind would be like "you and S" or sometimes I'm just enjoying time with my bf and im like " yes we can just have a sneaky cheating thing thats ok" and it makes me want to figure it out to find an answer a solution because idk it just does like I need to find the meaning of it if it means the truth and all. Im worried im just an awful person and these thoughts just ruin my quality of life . Today i had a crisis where i ended up doinf swlf harm, I'm so scared of finding someone that's not my boyfriend desirable or sexual appealing or whatever it is, I also have bodily reactions when I try to imagine and test my reaction to scenarios. Now i keep groing everytime and I dont know why but i have this sensation and I dont want to havebit especially when its something S related. Does someone experience the same thoughts? Am I alone in this? Is this ROCD? What should i do?
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