I really need some help/guidance with this struggle. I really want to and need to start working but my pure O makes it very hard because I do a lot of mental rituals and it’s so hard to break out of it and get myself to focus which is currently why I’m not working. The anxiety gets so bad and then I fear messing up so I constantly wanna perfect stuff in my head so I can focus but it’s time consuming and exhausting and plain out not okay for me to do. I just want to work and be able to focus and not fall into rituals mentally because I can’t do that at a job. I see an ERP therapist but this is a topic that’s hard to get advice on.

Yes I have and so far she’s only said that I can’t know what it’s like until I try which isn’t helpful because I know I will fall into my rituals. I want to work but jumping into it doesn’t seem like it’d work well.

@Ivan01 Well, she’s correct. There’s simply no way to start working than to start working. Think of it like learning to swim, you can watch videos of people swimming forever, but until you jump in that pool you’re not going to figure out how to do it. You’re never going to learn how to work and change your behavior around your compulsions until you take the step to do it.

We have to focus more on behavioral changes than trying to change our emotions. To use another analogy, this would be like saying, “I only want to go to the gym if I’m already in shape first.” You have to put in the reps of being at work, feeling the urge to engage in rituals, and resisting them before you move ahead.

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett And you can be afraid, fear isn’t a good thing to live your life by. Instead we have to believe that we can not only feel fear, but can thrive even in spite of it.

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett Makes sense thank you for the analogies bc I get it now. The problem comes from the lack of control though with resisting so if you have any advice on that it would help bc I feel the ocd physically it’s hard to describe but resisting feels so hard and like my head could burst almost bc of how hard I’m fighting.

@Ivan01 Totally. Yes, it feels that way for me before. Like it’s impossible to do something. It all comes down to practice, which what ERP is. Perhaps strategize with your therapist to have a plan for going back to work and what you’ll do when your compulsions arise. The more you do it the easier it becomes. Just like lifting weights, the first couple weeks you’re so sore as your body adjusts. But after a little while you can do more and more. What might help now is accepting that this is going to be a difficult thing to do, with lots of difficult emotions. There isn’t a scenario where it’s easy, because that’s not how this thing works.

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett It’s helpful to think about what your values are. Like, why do you want to work? Is it to reach goals? Have a fuller life? Why do something so hard and painful? Focus on aligning your behavior to your values. You can’t control your thoughts.

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett You’re right, thank you so much. I will definitely strategize and continue practicing.

@Ivan01 My pleasure. You can get through this.