Vent: Kinda just want to go back to having regular teenage problems again. Getting sick and tired of the same shit thoughts ruminating over and over again and I'm sick of remembering the stupid mistakes that I've done. They're embarrassing. They're dumb and it shouldn't have ever happened. I hate that I even tried to experiment sexual feelings in my life because all they've done is brought me nothing but trouble, stress, shame, insecurities, and low self esteem. I don't want to deal with it anymore. I've never been in a relationship before and all I've wanted was to be with a girl my age that appreciates everything about me. Even the bad parts about me while I accept the bad parts about her but I guess everybody can't get what they really want. So I don't care anymore. I don't want to deal with anything sexual at all because all it's done to me is make me feel horrible about what I've done even if I didn't know any better. I hate that I've tried to use pornography to get away from my feelings especially since it just made me feel so much fucking worse. I hate the things that I've seen, I hate the things that I especially didn't want to see, and I hate feeling like I'm a horrible disgusting person that doesn't feel forgiveness and only deserves nothing but jail for my mistakes. I hate when my mind tells me this almost every day. I hate being anxious. I just want to be a regular teenager again. This is now how I wanted to feel during November at all. I just can't stand it anymore