Anyone with confessing as a compulsion here? My OCD got better, which means I don't feel like my life is worthless everyday. But I still don't have the security I used to have around my bf... I still don't believe that I can live with this feeling and the uncertainty that I may did something unforgivable. I feel so sad and angry when I go through Instagram or when I see those couples in the streets, like they seem so sure that they never did something really bad what could hurt their partner. I know you should not compare yourself but I just can't help it. I envy those people so much... Do y'all know that feeling?

SoMi1907

Date posted: 4y

I always cling to the hope that in one year, I will look back and see how stupid it all was. I don't want to live like this... I don't want to leave him because of that either...

Mochelle

Date posted: 4y

I'm cheering for you (: I get glimmers of hope too, I've had days where OCD was non-existent or I was able to resist engaging in compulsion. It came back yesterday but I'm determined to keep going!

ocd2000

Date posted: 4y

Oh my, let me try to tell you a short social media story. I too would compare but then I have a friend who posts the most gorgeous IG photos and talks about such wonderful things in life but everytime I go to her house it's a mess and I realize the photograph was either staged or just taken in one tiny corner of her house. Then a job that I had a year ago was going through medical records and I came across a record of a woman w/ an STD and she wanted to make sure her husband didn't know because she was positive it came from her current affair. The woman had an unusual name, so out of curiosity I looked her up on FB and IG - she had just posted these amazing professional family photos of her husband, herself and 2 young children enjoying the beach. Had I not just been privy to her STD and affair, I would have 1000% thoughts this was the perfect family! What you see on socials is NOT entirely real. I promise.

Serio?

Date posted: 4y

Well that was a ride to read oh my god. We are all out here fearing for our lives that we will do or have done something terrible to our partners meanwhile..

SoMi1907

Date posted: 4y

@Serio? Yes exactly... I miss those moments when ocd had not yet become so strong again when I would just lay there and be the happiest person in the world when I thought about this love I felt. I miss those moments so much, now everytime I feel the love I have for my bf, I instantly feel a pang of guilt and shame and ocd screams at me to tell him and not lead him on any further because I am a horrible person...

Mochelle

Date posted: 4y

Yes absolutely! When I see other couples they seem so sure and I feel so wrong. I wish I didn't have so much distress. I understand your feelings of envy! Youre right though comparing is a compulsion. Keep up your ocd exposures and just know you can get through this! Take care 🙂

SoMi1907

Date posted: 4y

And I feel like I am wasting my twenties, supposedly the best time of your life, just going from one obsession to another...When I look back there were just so many bad times. I really try to be positive but when I see all those posts I feel like I am just a failure at life...

Mochelle

Date posted: 4y

Awh yea I can understand that. Perhaps our 20s with ocd was a very turbulent one...but you know what, I think these experiences won't go in vain. I think since you suffered so much, you'll be very understanding of other people, from your very own experiences. Remember, everyone has their own path, and as you improve which i believe will, you can build more time to live out the life you want (:

SoMi1907

Date posted: 4y

@Anonymous Thank you SO much! It's morning where I live and I struggled to get out of bed and now I feel Like I can at least get some things done...

Mochelle

Date posted: 4y

@SoMi1907 I'm very glad I could help (: keep on going!

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