hi my names haley a few years ago i experienced something that i now know is intrusive thoughts, they were different to the ones i get now, they could be like ‘that lady is ugly’ or ‘you don’t really want to be friends with her’ they were minor really but they really bothered me and i used to panic over them, a lot. i am currently in a one year relationship and he is my everything, he is there for me, he makes me happy, we have a great sex life and just he is everything i could ask for. since it is covid he had to quarantine away from me for two weeks as he had been in contact with someone with corona, about a week into not seeing him i got a random thought that i liked a guy that i had no interest in what so ever, it made me panic a lot, it then lead to me getting at thought ‘you don’t really like your boyfriend’ and of course this made me panic more, i panicked and cried and had extreme panic attacks for days that i was falling out of love, i then realised that this was me obsessing over my thought to the point it felt real, the realisation helped and i read an article about someone who had the same, and i felt so much better knowing it was just in my head and that i would get over it. the following few days with my love were great and i was able to feel at ease. i was scrolling through my instagram and i clicked on someone’s account who’s bio said that they were lesbian, for some reason this triggerd a thought in my head saying ‘you like girls too’ ‘your a lesbian’ ‘your bi’ and i freaked out a lot because i have never worried about my sexuality much, i have found girls attractive but not in a relationship or sexual way, that thought has set of a chain of thoughts about me being bisexual in my head when i almost know im not. i have been trying to visualise me doing sexual things with a girl or me being a relationship with a girl to try and get reassurance, but i’m so stressed out about it that i simply don’t feel any emotions when i think about them. i will do things like imagine me feeling a woman’s boobs to see if would like it or imagine myself having sex with a woman. it doesn’t feel right, i couldn’t imagine myself having sex with a woman or a relationship with one but i have almost convinced myself that it’s something i would like or would do i cant stop freaking out about it. to the point i am now wondering if i should break up with my boyfriend to find myself ? i couldn’t bare life without him but i can’t help but wonder if i should someone please help :/

thank you so much this has honestly helped, i know it’s so difficult because i have thought about them so much that they start feeling real. i know it’s in my head, but i still get them :/ i couldn’t imagine myself in a relationship with a girl but because i feel so numb from stress it feels like maybe i could thank you, and same for you, things will get better!

it makes it scarier because i feel like i got so stressed that i have even developed a type in women that i would be attractive too even tho i am so straight , i have literally gone to such extremes and it has made me feel so so so much worse but thank you, i will take your word and try by doing what you said, we will get through this :/

thank you, maybe your right

yeah it’s just so annoying, i’m so inpatient i want it to go away now :/

thank you :) wow the amount of support makes me feel teary! what would i do without this app, i downloaded it today and feel better already :)

thank you so much!!!!!

yeah your not wrong with the googling stuff, i’m very bad with that. i am thinking about deleting social media for a while as it really doesn’t help sometimes

i think im more inpatient because it’s effecting the thing that i love the most which is me and my boyfriends relationship

@haleyj0yy Yeah, I know. Ocd hurts you where it hurts most. Am exactly in the same situation as you. Still works what I told you.

@lukair23 what helps you the most to make your relationship work and go on with your days ?

@haleyj0yy To realize even though you feel like you’re burning in a situation like that, to just keep doing what you would have done. Be gentle be funny do what you normally do, no matter which thought comes in your mind. No matter how it makes you feel. once you mastered a situation you’ll master the next, it’s all the same it’s all ocd. And once you realize that you can just keep going, the anxiety will lower insanely. Even after a few days, more after a week and so one. Try it. Maybe download a app like “I am sober” and make a promise every day to not to compulsion not matter how hard it feels. I do that for a couple of weeks now and that’s a cool thing to do. Especially if you wake up and the anxiety is really strong, which it is for me. Then tell yourself you know that would happen and do what you would do. Even though it feels incredibly hard.

@lukair23 And of course, try to get help by a therapist. It’s a great thing to do, and it takes weight off your shoulders.

@lukair23 But he’ll tell you not too different things. I

@lukair23 im going to try this thank you so much, yeah i wish it was as easy as running away from the situation but it’s not :/ im going to try everything you said, thank you again !

@haleyj0yy Yes I wished that often as well. The good thing is, just because you can’t run away doesn’t mean there’s no way that it goes away. Many people had it; many people made it go away. You will do that, 100 percent.

@lukair23 yeah, i’m going to try my best to make this go away, i also want it to go away as long as i stay with my partner too, he’s the only reason i’m still trying

@haleyj0yy If you stick to it, next week it will be better. This feeling will still rise up, but shorter. Shorter every time. You can do this, no question asked.

@lukair23 thank you

thank you so much... i have no words !!!