I feel like OCD is magnifying my latest mistakes that I didn't want to happen at all. A few days ago I was on instagram looking through my search feed and saw a family guy meme that I thought was funny, though I don't really like the show. I looked through the comments and saw a few profiles commenting similar things to each other and I thought it was silly in a good way. I clicked on one of them thinking they were a meme page but the first post I see that they had was CP... I had reported the post for what it was and left Instagram feeling disgusted that night. People that left comments didn't really see bothered by the fact that there was a drawing of a 14 year old fictional character with very detailed sexual body parts and I don't know why. I feel like it was my fault for even clicking on the page. I was expecting memes because if anything the comment looked pre made as if an Instagram bot would put it there to begin with. I just feel horrible for witnessing what I did and I feel like I'll never be able to positively move on from something so traumatic. The other mistake happened on youtube when one night I wanted to search for girls my age which was 18. On occasion ice done this on porn sites and on YouTube and it wasn't until that night where I got worried that the video showed girls that weren't of age because the comments kept debating about their age as a whole. I only searched for girls my age because something about them being my age having similar interests and I guess it felt more real to me. It's stupid, but I even apply this to my real life friends. I'm always happy to be friends with people my age, so I guess I wanted the same thing sexually. I hope that's not stupidly weird. OCD makes it so I wanted things like this to happen but I didn't at all. I haven't planned any of these things to happen, and I'm not attracted to children. I like girls my age and I like girls older than I am. It's been that way since puberty began for me from what I remember. I hate that OCD tries to alter that. I can't get this out of my head because I feel like I'm in trouble for it. I feel like I just ended all the good things I had with these mistakes happening. It makes me feel like I never wish I even knew about sexual feelings to begin with. There was another mistake that was intentional however which had to do with trying to sexually explore with other teens online when I was about 15. I didn't see a problem with it at all when i did it but even since I recalled that I did it back in June of this year I couldn't help but feel never ending guilt about it and my recent mistakes. I decided not to watch any more pornography with the help of an adult content blocker but it's still hard for me to stop on youtube. There's so much wrong with me.