I genuinely can’t tell what’s the truth anymore. I’m so anxious by everything that my brain thinks about regarding attraction that it’s like the person before this was just a fake. I want to go back to innocently liking men because I just did. Now I look at a guy and wonder if I’m a lesbian in disguise or if I would like it better as a guy. I can’t look at celebrities I find attractive because I’m afraid I’m a lesbian who’s trying to look normal. I can’t do ANYTHING without worrying that it’s what a lesbian would do to tell herself she likes men. I never questioned this before. But reassuring myself sounds so much like denial and that scares me so much. The thought of being a lesbian doesn’t come naturally to me, it feels so forced and just bad in general but my brain tells me it’s because I haven’t accepted myself yet and that’s why. I want to scream.

You’re not alone! I had all these same thoughts and thought I was going crazy. I was just recently diagnosed with OCD and I feel like I’ve found an answer although I constantly feel like I’m in denial, it being the doubting disorder. What works for me whenever I feel a spike is to just sit in the anxiety and try and just get through it without doing compulsions like checking or research. It’s really hard sometimes but I always come out on the other end feeling more confident. It always passes. I hope this helps!

I was feeling the same way before I had my appointment. I feared he was just going to tell me I was gay and I should experiment. I think if you tell them what you describe here and they are an OCD specialist, they will understand what you’re going through. If you’re on here looking for reassurance or checking out tons of pictures of people to confirm your attraction levels and ruminating on these thoughts, those to me are all compulsions that I constantly do. Whenever I feel like it’s not OCD I just remember what it feels like which is doubt and that also brings me back again

Like I just want to be friends with girls. That’s it. Last year someone thought me and my best friend were dating and I laughed joked that yeah we were when I know that’s not the case and j didn’t like her in that way at all. I imagined it but felt weird about it and then moved along without a hitch. She’s my best friend and she’s been there for me through so much and I’ve always considered her my soulmate in that I loved her because we could go days and weeks without talking but still feel comfortable around each other but never past that. It’s always been platonic. We root for each other, I give her relationshop advice all the time. But every time she or another girl tries to talk to me now I’m trying to figure out if I would date her and I feel butterflies that freak me out because it feels like I’m attracted to them but idk if I am and UGHHHH

I also think it’s weird because this isn’t harm OCD or pedophelia so it’s not as severe per se but it’s still threatening to your identity and it’s attacking something that’s really important to us. But yeah I think naturally sex fantasies can be enjoyable in general but that doesn’t mean you want them to happen in real life. Ultimately it’s less about the content of the obsessions and more about our pursuit for absolute certainty which keeps us stuck. It’s just a black hole and the compulsions to relieve that anxiety just make it bigger.

I think everyone has a gay thought now and again, it’s just harder for people with OCD to dismiss them easily. Things just can get really sticky especially when they are about things that mean a lot about us like our identity or relationships etc