I left my partner 3 days ago please help me feel better he’s DEVASTATED and ringing constantly but it was toxic and he didn’t realise he was still emotionally abusing me despite cutting alcohol consumption down (he’s an alcoholic) I feel relieved and sad because what do I do now? I was with him all the time, now what? My ocd isn’t helping either I’m like “OMG what if he gets better and treats a new girl like gold ALL of the time not just in cycles? Why couldn’t he for me?”

I’m a 19 year old girl and I have relationship ocd. My bf (20) and I are in college and around 2 days ago he asked for a break via text and then we called after on the phone which was the last time we spoke. We’ve been doing medium/long distance (1-2hrs away from eachother). I’m his first serious relationship and girl he’s ever loved. He’s my first healthy relationship and he felt like home to me. We both date to marry and everything with him felt so finalized, as silly as it sounds. Due to life being life we haven’t been able to see eachother the past three ish weeks. During that time he became different, wasn’t as loving as he used to be, and I had to continuously ask him to call me and he only did once or twice for about 15 minutes. He’s incredibly busy and in a agricultural frat. Unfortunately, he seeks a lot of validation from his frat brothers. It’s funny too, because I absolutely hate frats since I feel like often, of course not always, but often, all frats are about partying and hookup culture. That’s ok, it’s just not my thing as that to me isn’t what I value. With my bf though, I still loved him anyway. My bf was different from the stereotypical frat guy douche. You truly would not guess that him of all people is in one. He has incredibly redeeming qualities - he’s so kind, always tries to do the right thing, is so gentle, hardworking, encouraging, sensitive and sometimes emotionally intelligent lol. Due to this he gets treated differently in the house and the brothers disrespected him constantly. He would literally cry about it in my arms or in his car multiple times. When he was in my arms I was tearing up because it hurt me to see him like that. It broke my heart, but he was always too afraid to speak up for himself. I got pissed so many times and said I will say something for him - I’d do literally anything for him to make him happy. It became very obvious to me that he’s seeking so much male validation to fit in even though he comes from a great family with two married parents, with his dad being an absolutely amazing person and two older brothers. Hes said so many times that he doesn’t belong at the frat and I agreed and would tell him it’s because he was too good for them. I think he’s changed now though, and he honestly wants to fully submerge himself into this frat. He’s also taking max credit classes and has a job. I’ve been working to transfer over to the school he is at and as of late I’ve been doing community college, doing therapy with NOCD, going to the gym, and finally getting a car and being able to drive. I find myself that in relationships I let the other persons mood define mine, and I minimize my needs to make them happier. I wish I wasn’t like this and that I was a normal person. I care so deeply about him and want the best for him and I. I think he saw that flaw in me and with the combined stress of us being busy and not seeing eachother, thought it was time for a break. We called after he sent the text and I sobbed and acted a fool on the phone and I was absolutley pissed st first but only because I care. That was our first phone call in a while. He was crying and sobbing and calling me baby and the last thing we said to eachother was I love you, with him initiating that. Not too long after he was quick to take a lot of our posts down and stop sharing his location. So I did the same, and then just deleted all of my social media. I don’t know if he unadded me on anything, I don’t want to know and I don’t want to see his posts. I don’t think he has any idea as to what he’s doing. I’ll never forget when I was his date to one of his frat formals and I spoke to an alumni for a long time. He said to my bf waiting for me while I was in the bathroom “you got a good girl, take care of her”. My bf told me after that happened, because it was sweet, but I don’t think he honestly knew what that man really meant. Because I think if my bf did understand; I wouldn’t have to practically beg him to acknowledge me with a “maybe we could call” text for weeks, he would’ve directly thanked my mom for all the gifts I bought him using her money, he would’ve actually looked my mom in the eyes when he’s talking to her, he would’ve made sure that with intimacy my needs were also satisfied - not just his, he wouldn’t have told me what makeup style I should wear and what celebrities/traits he finds attractive in other girls even though I’ve voiced I’m uncomfortable with it, he would’ve shown more interest in my hobbies and likes the way I did his, and lastly, he would’ve been more courteous about my feelings and put his ego aside. I mean I’d literally watch hour long videos about fucking warhammer even though I thought it was boring. I sent him an educational video about OCD that I don’t think he ever took the time to watch. Which hurts, because he knows it’s something about me that I discovered during our relationship. Meanwhile, while I have stuff to work on like every person ever, I understand that I don’t need to fit into a group to feel complete. I’ve been authentically myself, flawed and all. I’m not afraid to show my problems to people. I don’t think I’m better than him because I’m like this, but I think that’s where we’re at right now. He hurt me so much and if/when he decides to come back is when I let him. I want him to regret this and for us to work out, but only if there’s change. He said we should work on ourselves and I agree. I’m slowly feeling better, but this took so many people by surprise especially his brothers gf who I was incredibly close to. She also has OCD funnily enough, and we’ve privately bonded over our bfs just not understanding OCD or going to each other for relationship/self care advice. I don’t know what to do, he was home to me. I love him, but I don’t love his actions and I deserve more. I hope he realizes what he’s missing out on, regrets it, and truly understands my value.

He kissed a girl while we were unofficial but a day after he said I love you . I felt we were exclusive based off of things. He acted out of unofficial vs official. Thought because we were single it was ok and if he knew it would have hurt me he wouldn’t have did it he said it was silly meaningless kiss and he wanted nothing with this person. I know he’s telling the truth because he would have lied to me about it but he didn’t . Unfortunately I found out 7 months into the relationship plus he has “no type” and is attracted to women I never ever thought he would be and I think it’s really disgusting . Even in my last relationship I felt this way. So before enter ing this one I told myself no cheating or ones that like these women and here I am …. He didn’t “cheat” but it feels like it. I have been spinning and crying and anxious for over a year now. After I found out I would rotate between that , the women and a transparency thing for a whole year every single day. Asking friends for advice , talking to him , crying , texting all day, even googling . Now I started chat gpt for advice. Whenever I hear it’s ocd I feel relieved but don’t believe it and when I hear it’s wrong relationship I cry uncontrollably and don’t want to believe that either I left him 2 months ago but I’m still in the same position because I love him so much I know he’s a great guy , he tried so hard to make me feel comfortable and he loved me so much but I couldn’t stop spinning . I want to get ba k with him but just picture anxiety forever and questioning am I in love , am I settling , am I forcing this , is this ocd or wrong relationship , could I be happier elsewhere , I can’t see him without feeling anxiety or seeing the kiss but then i can’t picture myself ever loving someone again like him . Our love and connection was so strong . I feel in another relationship as soon as something happens I’m going to want to leave and truly regret leaving my ex . What do I do. I’m starting erp but it’s so confusing to me and I feel like it won’t help and I’m going to be stuck like this forever. I hate waking up everyday because I’m so sad and miserable. Please help me (edited)

Hi - I’ve made a series of posts about my situation over the past few weeks. My bf asked to take a break from our relationship through text the first week of April. We haven’t spoken since. There’s a lot of outward details to this but I’ll try to keep it as simple as possible. My ocd is telling me the worst of the worst. He left me with full uncertainty because he didn’t give me a reason, and his decision felt like it happened overnight and I’m still so confused. He’s never been in a relationship as serious as this before. I’m incredibly hurt and angry, and my emotions get worse on Saturday and Friday nights because that’s when his frat parties happen. I do ERP phrases but my stomach hurts and it’s churning so bad. I deactivated/deleted social media apps for now because it’s too much. I just wish this physical feeling would stop. Does anyone have tips?